One Subtle Shift That You Can Do When Setting a Goal for Change

The New Year is approaching. Many people have already started to reflect and take stock of the experiences and learnings of the year. The End of the Year and New Year are natural milestones — symbolic moments to let go and begin anew. Many already have set goals for the new year — their New year’s resolutions. It is a vow of achievement for the coming year. Unfortunately, many will find themselves giving up their plan before January ends. Sound familiar? We even have a day for it, and it is called “Quitters Day.”

Those new year resolutions are usually well-intended and can be life-altering such as quitting smoking, losing weight, getting a new job, and exercising more. The list goes on.

While there are many reasons why people jump on the quitters’ bandwagon, I am here to tell you that sometimes significant progress can be rooted in a subtle change that you can do today.

And I have my dad as proof.

My dad was a smoker up until I was around nine years old. I could not quite remember how it happened, but it felt like one day, he had just stopped smoking. I did not congratulate him. For me then, I thought that he?should?have done it sooner. I was too young to empathise that quitting an addiction can be challenging, especially if it is a decades-long habit.

As an adult, I understand that quitting fixation can already be difficult, whether it be coffee, chocolate, or Netflix series. Let alone being addicted to something stronger.

So curious, I asked him how it was possible that he could quit in a cold-turkey style after almost two decades of smoking. For as long as I could remember, I had relentlessly nagged, enforced rules, and guilted him for every cigarette I witnessed him smoking. Nothing worked. So, what had shifted in him?

He answered, “You asked me one day if I wanted us to be together for a long time…”

Tears filled my eyes.

As a 9-year-old, I unknowingly cast a magic spell by speaking to his value. I reminded him of what matters most to him. Above his own HEALTH and anything else is his LOVE for me.

With that, he gave me a gift that money could not buy — a smoking-free home.

My dad is my proudest proof of what love can do.

He shifted from “he had to” quit smoking to “he wanted to” quit smoking so that he could give himself a slight edge to stay healthy. He wanted to see me grow up and for us to be together. That desire alone was enough to motivate him to quit smoking. My dad did not quit smoking in the new year. The change happened when he decided that he wanted something, so much so that it became his mission. And that can happen for you, too!

How can this subtle shift be so powerful?

It is powerful because it evokes a shift in consciousness.

The shift in consciousness elevates your goal by freeing it from obligations and transforming it into your mission by aligning it with what is most important to you.

If you want to set yourself up for success, you need to recognise why this goal is important to you. Getting your?WHY?or the reason behind it right and letting it be something that speaks to your truest purpose of the change is a very crucial step.

"Want-to?goals reflect a person’s genuine interest and values, while?have-to?goals are imposed, often by a nagging loved one or by our own sense of obligation."- Susan David

However, getting your?WHY?right alone is never sufficient. You need to take action. My dad did not stop at declaring his mission to himself. He implemented his action plan. My dad is a simple man. He did not have a fancy tracker or planner but the right approach for him. He knew that a non-smoker does not carry around a lighter and a cigarette or buy one. So he got rid of all his lighters and cigarettes and did not replace them. He had a simple plan that he could stick to. He knew it was a process. He knew there would be a time he would miss the habit, and he did not judge himself for missing the addiction. He simply reminded himself to choose LOVE every day.

To bring it all together, the one subtle shift that will help prevent you from having a déjà vu goal is to ditch a have-to goal for a want-to goal and get your WHY right. The right goal must resonate with what is most important to you or your values, which will enable you to become self-motivated.

Getting the right goal alone will not guarantee your success. You need to set up the right environment and follow through with a process that feels good for you consistently.

Lastly, be gentle and show yourself some compassion. You are making progress as long as you reaffirm your commitment to your goal with your action. Focus on progress rather than the finish line.

I hope for you to be intentional about your goal setting and choose the goal that is meaningful for you instead of overwhelming yourself with the list of things you SHOULD want.

Remember, what you do not change is what you choose. So,?choose intentionally.

As a gift work to you, I created a tiny exercise,?Elevate Your Goal, to help you shift from a have-to goal to a want-to goal and elevate your goal by freeing it from obligation and aligning it with what is truly important to you. Remember, this is only the first step. You need to follow through with relevant actions that feel good for you. Don’t forget to show yourself some compassion and cheer yourself on along the way.

I would love to know how it works out for you.

This article first appeared on my Medium page