ONE STEP BELOW STINK –being comfortable in your own skin (or sneakers in this case) and a lesson on teaching kindness
Growing up… nobody said it was easy, however I also don’t think this grown up thing is any walk in the park either. So, there is a possibility that this story is in fact about your child I will also share with you that if you ask me I will neither confirm or deny.
It all started at Michaelson's. I knew it was on our to do list to go get new sneakers. This seemed to be a monthly ritual. I had started to take inventory and realize that even within a week my kids sneakers looked like they just arrived back from a trek through some exotic swamp in Guam. I was determined to stop the bleeding and I had the perfect stop gap. I set off to Michaelson's to find the most economical pair of sneakers I could find. I figured they were going to look homeless within a week anyway, why make the big investment? I was pro-active in steering my son into the direction of the sale items. He seemed indifferent and so I smiled and with pleasure we left Michaelson's with two pairs of “ last call , on sale, end of season, apparently nobody else wanted” sneakers.
> I didn't give it a second thought. They had fit , they had some "color" to them and really who cares. Well, here is strike one on “ not so enlightened” mommy. Little did I know that the next day at school one of Ben's buds mentions that his sneakers, well, stink… actually even worse – one step below "What do you mean they "$3((3$" ??… What's wrong with them? My son seemed nor bothered or interested in engaging in further discussions. He just mentioned it in passing and wanted to move on. As for me - not so much. A wave of guilt hit me like a hot flash (ok maybe it was a hot flash). How could I have done this to my son. Ok, so here is where you can insert judgement, for what I am about to share with you is nothing that I am proud of. I know it is not the reaction a mature or I like to say seasoned, hot flashing mother should have, but I speak only truths. So I did what any other immature, hot flashing mom would do . I mean he did only wear them once. I snatched the sneakers up from his room and into the sink they went. Really, it wasn't that much of a “clean up”. The treads look like new. Then came the walk of shame into Michaelson's. I did use the same box and bag (I was very proud of this). So began my honest speech to the nice man at Michaelson. “ He did wear them a short time (admitted guilt) but was not comfortable in them (they didn’t ask if I meant emotional or physical comfort ). That seemed to cover it. I offered Michaelsons a scenario that if they let me return the sneakers I would buy two pairs of full price sneakers. I thought it could be a win-win They said they would love to but the inside sole was slightly rubbed off (damn I never bothered to look in there…if I had I could've used a sharpie)! They stated it is just not something they can help me with. I respected that and moved on. When I arrived home to share with my son the effort I put forth he was dumbfounded. “I never asked you to return them?”.. A new beam of light came over me (reverse hot flash) and this time in the form of proud Mom. I smiled. He pulled through this in better shape than I. And although he didn’t ask me to return them those sneakers just went off to goodwill, never to have been worn again but it’s ok, it’s the thought that counts.
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> Well flash to the new school year. Enter mighty mom, mature, seasoned and ready to take on all sneaker wars. I head to Nordstrom and seek out the biggest, baddest, full price ( wholly whopping $85) sneaker to be found. My son takes my lead and agreed to purchase the somewhat see-through neon blue Nike sneaker. They are so cool I want a pair. Hmm, matching mom and son sneakers. I like the sounds of it but assume it would not a big hit w my son. I digress - so there he goes off to school with his new sneakers and a big smile. My son no sooner walked into the classroom but was greeted by yet another sneaker connoisseur. “Your sneakers stink” phew… they only stink this time, not one step below – yes progress!! Different kid /different sneaker. I almost went into cardiac arrest.. How can it be? Once again immature mom took over. I started conjuring up different ideas, scenarios, responses. They next negative comment anyone gives you on sneakers gets a can of whoop you know what. Or, If I get him sneakers where he can fly will they then be ok then? Then, no hot flash, no cardiac complications but a moment of sanity, call it a rational wave came over me and it dawned on me. And YES, I know. Most of you were already there. The cheapo, last pair, last call, nobody wants ugly sneakers cannot stink nor does the most expensive amazing sneakers. We are all learning to maneuver through life, trying to figure out who we are, work through our insecurities, etc. We all want to be liked and try to be funny and make people laugh and sometimes at the expense of someone else. We are all traversing through the maze. So I took a breath, rescinded the punch them in the face/whoop butt advice, stepped away from the google search for “sneakers that make you fly” and gave him the truly best advice I think there is to give. Kindness almost always conquers. “Maybe he doesn’t like his own sneakers and you can respond by saying” I think mine are actually pretty cool and yours look pretty awesome too”. But more importantly Who gives a CRAP what someone else thinks of your sneakers. It is a better way to live life, a happier way and if someone has a comment, especially in the am you can simply answer by saying “and a good morning to you too”
Now please don't think for a moment I think my son doesn't often stink or sometimes even one step below because I know he does. We too are in process.
The moral of the story (yes, I know – you already knew it before it started) we will never make everyone happy so be true to yourself and be comfortable in your own skin. Or in this case your own sneakers. Off to school my son goes these day and thankfully the blue sneakers have not gone to goodwill . He did mention there was a secondary wave of sneaker comments and apparently he took my recommendation and with a smile he told me he said “AND A GOOD MORNING TO YOU TOO. Hmm, just had another idea - maybe I should have told him to say Namaste. My gut tells me I am sure there will be plenty more opportunity….