THIS One Small Shift Will Transform Your Communication

In our fast-paced world, it's easy to fall into the trap of setting expectations for those around us—our team, students, partners, and even ourselves. While expectations can provide a sense of direction, they are often one-sided and can lead to frustration when unmet. What if there was a better way to connect, communicate, and collaborate? Enter the concept of agreements.

Understanding the Difference: Expectations vs. Agreements

Expectations are what we desire from others or ourselves, but they are inherently one-sided. We often express what we want, but this doesn’t guarantee buy-in from others, leading to a cycle of disappointment. How often have you found yourself communicating expectations only to feel ignored or misunderstood? This happens because expectations do not necessarily align with the intrinsic motivations of others.

On the other hand, agreements involve a two-way dialogue about shared values and desired outcomes. This collaborative approach not only involves others in the decision-making process but also fosters a sense of ownership and motivation. Agreements turn “you should” into “we want,” creating a partnership in achieving mutual goals.

Applying Agreements in Different Areas of Life

1. In the Classroom: Building Connections First

For teachers, the start of the school year is a prime opportunity to build connections rather than jumping straight into academic content. By focusing on what students value and creating agreements based on those values, teachers can establish a supportive and motivating classroom environment. For example, instead of dictating classroom rules, ask students what they value in a learning environment. This collaborative approach ensures that rules are not just enforced but owned by the students.

2. In Parenting: Empowering Your Children

Parenting is another area where shifting from expectations to agreements can be transformative. Engaging children in discussions about what they care about and creating agreements around these values empowers them to take ownership of their actions. This method helps foster self-efficacy and autonomy from a young age, steering away from fear, control, and punishment, which often lead to disconnection rather than motivation.

For example, instead of expecting your child to automatically comply with chores or routines, involve them in creating an agreement that aligns with their interests and values. This approach not only reduces resistance but also teaches valuable life skills in negotiation and self-motivation.

3. In Relationships: Emotional Connection Over Logic

In relationships, whether with a spouse, friend, or colleague, agreements can help bridge the gap where expectations often fall short. Relationships, both professionally and personally thrive on emotional connections rather than logical agreements alone. Communicating feelings, values, and shared outcomes creates deeper bonds and understanding.

Use an approach that includes expressing how certain situations make you feel and what you hope to achieve together. This fosters empathy and cooperation, turning potential conflicts into opportunities for stronger connections.

4. Self-Management: Agreements with Yourself

Finally, let's talk about agreements with yourself. Self-expectations often mirror those we set for others—high, sometimes unrealistic, and usually unfulfilled. Instead of burdening yourself with rigid expectations, create agreements based on what you genuinely value. This could mean setting realistic goals that align with your passion and capabilities rather than striving for perfection.

Ask yourself, what matters most to you? What are your core values? Align your personal goals with these values, creating a more harmonious and motivating path forward.

Conclusion: From Expectations to a More Connected Life

Shifting from expectations to agreements can create a more connected, fulfilling experience in all areas of life. Whether you're a teacher building classroom rapport, a parent empowering your child, a partner seeking deeper connection, or an individual striving for personal growth, agreements offer a collaborative, value-based approach to relationships.

Remember, it's not about lowering your standards or compromising on what matters—it's about finding a shared path forward that respects and includes everyone's needs and desires. So, next time you feel frustrated by unmet expectations, try reframing the conversation as an agreement. You might just find it’s the breakthrough you’ve been looking for.

Keep being brave and connected.

Want my weekly VIP email to help you navigate the complexities of being bravely connected to those around you, click here and say, "Sign me up!"