One Small Shift Can Create Ripples of Change

As a leader, people probably come to you to get unstuck.

And when someone is stuck, making one small change can ease them out of their stuck state.

One technique is the #sixseconds TFA model, centered on:

• Thoughts
• Feelings
• Actions

TFA supports awareness by having the person change a current thought, feeling or action, to one that is more constructive - creating a shift and helping them take steps towards their desired goal.

Imagine the following scenario where a team member or colleague comes to you feeling stuck:

They don’t agree with a senior stakeholder on a project strategy. They know they need to speak up and share their point of view, but somehow haven’t done this to date.

Using the TFA Framework

Using the TFA framework, you can ask questions around their thoughts, feelings and actions.

What are your thoughts about the situation?

If you've created a safe environment in which they can open up, they may share some of their deeper vulnerabilities - perhaps:

- They never listen to me

- What if they get annoyed with me

- They don’t like me

What are you feeling about the situation?

'Worried, mildly annoyed, a little anxious.'

What do you do in this situation?

- I spend a lot of time thinking about the situation but don’t say anything

- I hold back from sharing until I finally blurt out what I think

- I wait until after the meeting to share my thoughts

Reconnect to the goal

Given their goal is to get unstuck in that situation, and speak up and share their difference of opinion constructively and persuasively, your role is to consider the questions you could ask that would support them to move in that direction?

Creating the Shift

Using TFA, you’re aiming to support the person change one of the three areas: to create a shift that creates a ripple effect in other areas.

In each of the three areas, your questions may be along the lines of:

Thoughts

- If you were to create a thought that would support you in this situation, what would that thought be?

- With that thought in mind, how would that enable you to share your difference of opinion with your key stakeholder?

- How would that thought make you feel?

Feelings

- What do you prefer to feel in this situation? What else?

- How can you shift your emotional energy to create that feeling?

- What thought might create that feeling in you?

- When feeling that feeling, what will you do differently?

Actions

- What could you do to provoke a different thought around this situation?

- What can you do to feel more optimistic about the interaction?

- What changes can you make in your physical disposition to set yourself up for success in this interaction?

- What is one tiny step you can commit to taking that will support you share your opinion with your key stakeholder?

Anchoring for Action

You can then anchor those thoughts, feelings and actions in the person to further embed the commitment to practice making those changes:

- Remind me, what are you going to think, feel and do in that situation? When are you going to start practicing this?

Handling Setbacks

As a coaching leader, you are also supporting the person set themselves up to successfully handle setbacks.

You can use the TFA approach here too.

- How will you feel if you don’t succeed in speaking up? What will you do? How will you think about this?

- How will you feel if you speak up but aren’t successful in convincing the stakeholder? What action will you take? What thoughts will best support you in handling future similar situations?

As always in a coaching conversation, give space to the person, really listen to what is coming up for them – and add your observations, or some questions, as appropriate, to support them build even greater self-awareness, self-management and self-leadership.

If you don’t know me, I’m Andrea Stone, Executive Coach and Educator, working with global tech leaders and their teams to support greater self-defined success, based on a foundation of emotional intelligence.

? Andrea Stone, Stone Leadership

This article is based on The Coaching Principle #17, part of a series of 20 posts highlighting key coaching principles for leaders engaging in coaching conversations.

TFA

Thoughts – Feelings – Actions is a Six Seconds tool that supports people create change by building awareness around each of the three capabilities and deciding how they choose to shift one of the three to create increasingly impactful ripples through the others.

Ultimately, the objective is to take action, based on the awareness gained and the shifts they've made. 6seconds.org for more information