The One Skill All Great Leaders Need

I was in a strategy session with a few people on my team, preparing for the re-launch of my book Disrupt Yourself a few years ago. There were four of us: three senior employees and one junior (in fact, a new hire). She was at the Launch Point of her S Curve? not just on this job, but in her career.?

About thirty minutes into the session, our new hire asked a normal question about something that was suggested. Not quite. “Why do you do it this way?” But rather, “Why wouldn't you try this?”?

The idea wasn't a bad one, but it also wasn't immediately apparent that it would work, so, without thinking, I shot it down, and we blithely went on our way. I didn’t give the incident a second thought because she is a confident person—top of her class and all that.?

But, as the day progressed, when I asked this team member for her opinion on other matters, she didn't have one.?

At this point, I had interacted with her in previous meetings. I knew that she had great opinions. She was new at the time but not completely new. She had already contributed in meaningful ways. For example, after a keynote, I asked for her input, and she shared her observations from the substantive notes she had taken.?

So, when she said nothing for hours during the rest of the strategy session, I knew something was wrong. What did I do? I asked her what had happened.?

Here's what she said–––?

As a new hire, I felt like I needed to prove the worth of my ideas and myself as soon as possible. When I made a suggestion near the beginning of the meeting, I felt like I was putting myself in a very vulnerable position. Everyone in that meeting knows so much more about the business than I do and has so much more experience in?general. If even my carefully considered ideas weren't seen as useful, then what could I possibly have hoped to contribute to that meeting??

I had shut her down—and shut her up. I hadn't listened.?

I didn't mean to—but let's be honest; in situations with the asymmetry of power that we were dealing with, it’s easy to shut someone down. Those who have power often choose not to (whether on purpose or not) carefully listen and consider the consequences of not listening.?

Leaders need to listen. If we can learn to receive feedback with grace, we may uncover a whole host of people who care about us and are waiting to give us information. Information that could not only help us do a better job but could help those giving feedback know that they have value.?

Because according to Ryan Gottfredson, voice equals value.

When we interviewed Ryan for our podcast, he talked about the idea of a closed and open mindset. So you can be growth-oriented and have a growth mindset, but you can also be closed and not open to new ideas.?

In order to receive feedback with grace, we need to have an open mindset.?

That is hard to do. So, how do you know if you're open to receiving feedback?

1. What was the last piece of feedback that you acted on? Think back - when was the last time you received feedback from someone, and then you acted on it? Seriously considered it and acted on it. Bonus indicator that you're open to receiving feedback? After you acted on it, did you circle back and let the person who gave you the feedback know? "Thank you. Here's what I did. That was really helpful for me."?
2. When it comes to receiving feedback, are there any patterns around who you listen to and who you don't? Think about those people in your life who can give you feedback, and you will receive it with grace. And then think about those you gloss over. Is there a pattern? Challenge the pattern.?

Even in times of chaos, if we really want to embrace meaningful change, we have to be willing to be uncomfortable. We can only change if we're willing to be uncomfortable, that is where we grow.?

Kim Scott, author of Radical Candor, says—and I'm paraphrasing—our leverage for change is in the feedback. The more feedback you get, the more information you have, the more quickly you can iterate, and the faster and more effectively you can disrupt yourself and learn to thrive through disruption.?

How can you be more open to listening to others this week??

What feedback have you recently received that you might reconsider and act on??

*This article was originally published in The Disruption Advisor on June 16, 2020. It has been revised for clarity and accuracy.*