The One Research about Your Language Style

What Your Speech Reveals About You?

The words we use say a lot about us. Especially the small words. Functional words like “The. This. Though. I. And. An. There. That.” give deep insights into person’s honesty, stability, and sense of self. Moreover, the people’s use of function words gives an indication of their emotional state, personality and social class. And these small words tended to go undetected. Until now.

Do you want to know who among two people has power in a relationship, and their social status? It is easy. Count the use of the word “I”. The person with the higher status uses the word "I" less. You can easily test it. Count the amount of “I” and “me” in your emails. The one with less “I” has the higher status. This was one of the findings from James W. Pennebaker and under normal circumstances, lower rates of ‘I’ words correspond with feelings of security, safety and confidence. Insecure people say a lot “I”. According to Pennebaker “If someone uses the word “I,” it’s a sign of self-focus.” Happy and collected people are more altruistic in their communication.

If you want to find out how secure, happy, altruistic, balanced the person is, all you need to do is to pay attention how often the person uses “I”.

Using “I” is not necessary negative telltale. When telling the truth, people are more likely to use “I.”

Want to find out who speaks of the truth? Pennebaker analyzed also transcripts of court testimonies, and he found out that honest people use words like “but”, “without” and “no,” “none,” “never” often.

Other studies have shown that words that are used to express balance or nuance (“except,” “but,” and so on) are associated with higher intellect, better grades and even the truthfulness.

“Body mirroring has a new partner, language mirroring.”

-Max Noble

What does matching language style indicate? Well, when your language style matches, when you use same words in similar manner at similar rates, you are much more likely to end up on a date. Pennebaker tested this with speed daters and what is revealing is that more matching their language style was, higher the probability of still being dating after several months. Pennebaker says that this is not because similar people are attracted to each other. We match our language with those who we like and trust and want to be part of our tribe. Body mirroring has a new partner, language mirroring.

You want to see who is attracted to you? Pay attention if the person mirrors subtly your body language and your language. It happens automatically and we cannot prevent it consciously. We become momentarily more like the people whom we are attracted to or want to attract.

Truth of First Impression. You must know who the people around you are. Who to trust, who to co-operate with and who can help you. While Body Language is well-known and popularized topic, Language Style is little researched area of science and Pennebakers studies are revolutionary. His results offer deep insights into persons honesty, stability, and sense of self. Pennebakers studies give you the keys to read people.

Question: How to read Language Style?

Max Noble: Counting words doesn’t work in real life. Research by Louann Brizendine at the University of California found that women speak an average of 20,000 words daily compared to 7,000 words for men. That leaves average American English speaker engaged in a friendly conversation speaking at a rate of approximately 110–150 words per minute. That is too much. ‘

So, what you want to be looking for is the key words and emphasis of conversation. Do they use a lot or very little of “I”, “never”, “but” and other key words indicated by Pennebaker.

Even the small talk can be revealing. Talk about weather and you’ll have variety of answers. If the person is answering something like “I think it is hot”, there is already a small telltale as the emphasis is on the person “I think…”  as Pennebaker says: “Pronouns tell us where people focus their attention.”

To find out indications if the person is trustworthy or ethical you can ask questions such as “what you think of the… (insert grey-zone ethical dilemma) and observe the answer. What you are looking for is the clear “I” here. “But” is also a good word as it excluding word and indicates that the person is putting his own persona on table. Anything that overanalyzes, explains or uses “we” or avoids giving direct answer should be noted. These are indicators of taking the self out of equation.

To find out if the person feels attached to his work, hobby or any grouping, observe the words “we” and “they”. If “we” appears often, there is a clear attachment and tribal belonging.

There is no tangible research about Language Mirroring and googling doesn’t result that much. It is however an area that is natural continuity for Body Language and Emotional Mirroring. All the mirroring happens unconsciously, but can be also taken into use to make a deep and meaningful connection. So next time you find yourself really connected to someone, observe if your words are more alike than normally and try to increase the effect by using the same words, tempo and frequence.

Final Note. Note however that there are be many reasons for vague or negative communication and that the words should be noted as telltales and not absolute truths. Look at the person as whole: Body Language, Tone, Background and Situational Information available, Manners etc. and combine it with the new science of Language Style. Pennebaker’s research is revolutionary and gives you new tools to understand people. It is the small words that count.