The One Reason We Run Away From Important Actions And What To Do About It

We often avoid actions that are crucial for us. Because of an invisible fear.

I was terrified of publishing my writing online. I had written down my last article a month before I published it. As I was constantly over-editing and avoiding publishing it, I realized that I was afraid of it. I was making excuses because of my unconscious fears. I was making plans to go around the task.

Our unconscious fears divert us from our planned path and are the reason we do not achieve some of our goals.

Fear is a huge invisible wall standing between you and your goal

This big wall of fear takes many forms- resistance, nervousness, defensiveness, or avoidance. We can move past it to our goal by recognizing the wall and understand how it came be there.

Our minds programmed this wall into us based on our past experiences where we tried to do a similar thing but got into trouble for it. Growing up, I was a very outspoken child. In a lot of instances, I have made mistakes by speaking too quickly or too much. I got into trouble again and again in various instances because of that. My mind built up a big wall of fear — fear of mistakes. Whenever there is a probability that the end result might not be perfect, I recede away. I have unconsciously been afraid of expressing anything that sounds like an opinion.

We absorb all these learnings from our environments and build such walls in our minds. We operate in this world from within those walls i.e., the comfort zone. Do you have an idea for an email that you can send, which may help you make a big jump in your career? If you have avoided it or got ‘busy’ with other work, you are looking at a wall of fear.

It takes up a lot of energy to climb these walls to get the results we want. So, we avoid them. Or force ourselves to climb through them.

‘Just do it!’ is a piece of ineffective advice to take meaningful actions

‘Just do it’ is a bit of frequent advice we receive from the well-meaning people around us.

It is honorable to power through something and yes, results do happen most times when we do that. Yet, it is unreliable for two reasons.

First, we need to use our willpower. Our reserves for willpower fluctuate based on many factors — time of the day (or week), our environment, our inspiration level at the moment, and the people we have spoken to that day. For example, my willpower to do something on a Monday is much more than on a Friday. We need to replenish it constantly. Willpower and motivation give results but are not reliable for repeatable results.

Second, when we power through something, we are throwing away the wisdom that the fear holds. This wisdom can reveal new ways for us to be in this world and see things from a different perspective. The wisdom I received when I confronted my fear behind publishing is that it is trying to keep me safe from any unintended consequences of trying new things. This wisdom can be significant for our growth- I discovered that I have an innate desire to try new things.

Accepting our fears, not pushing through (or avoiding) can lead us to that growth we need for our goals.

We need to understand our fear to accept it

There are some fears that we are born with and then, there are some that we absorb from our environment.

It is important to distinguish between our survival fears and our social fears. When we see a snake, our body takes over and we run. Then, there are fears that we absorbed in our early formative years because we got into trouble for being ourselves. These also run deep and unconsciously affect how we operate in this world. These are the ones we can understand and navigate for the results we want in our life.

The fears where the treasure map to our growth lies are social in nature -

• Fear of rejection
• Fear of trouble
• Fear of disappointment
• Fear of mistakes
• Fear of judgment
• Fear of failure
• Fear that I am not enough

Shift your perspective from the fearful one to a friend

If we want to live our life fully and go for our dreams, we need to embrace fear with courage.

In most instances, we assume we lack the courage or we mistake willpower for courage. But, we already have that courage built into us. The magical thing about this wall of fear is that we can walk right through it, we don't need to climb it. We only need to shift our perspective.

The first shift in perspective occurs when we acknowledge the resistance and recognize that fear is hiding in plain sight. Next, we need to shift our perspective from being a fearful person to the one who is seeing the fear. When I wanted to publish my last article, I was feeling a big buzzing in my gut, my heart, and shivering of the entire body. If I am immersed as the fearful one, I would shut everything down and go browse something on my phone. But when I saw it as a third person and let it be, it subsided down after some time. The fight-or-flight response is useful for running away from a wild animal but not from publishing something on the internet.

So that’s just it — ask where in my body do I feel this fear. Let the body give the fear response, watch it as a second person and fully feel it. Acknowledge the reality of fear- it is an integral part of the human experience. It is neither good nor bad.

The next big shift in perspective to cross the wall completely is to look for the wisdom of the fear. Then, make a rational choice based on that wisdom. When we understand the fear this way, along with the message it is holding, we unlock a new outlook to the world. That is when you are acting from inner freedom rather than automatic avoidance.

You never conquer your fear

Embracing your fears will not chase them away.

Our fears never really go away. They arise in different ways in various contexts.

A more realistic view would be to expand our capacity to feel the fears. When I explored my fear of publishing, I realized that it was trying to protect me from the past consequences when I made mistakes. My fear may resurface in a different context (Public speaking? Hmm, trembling at the thought of it). Even though my fear is not gone — each time I feel it fully, I am expanding my capacity to hold it. Each time I feel it fully, I am increasing my freedom to choose my actions rather than avoid them like an automaton. I am not conquering my fears but I am expanding my capacity.

And I am only getting started.

Further reading:

Mindfulness meditation study shows changes in neural responses to pain and fear — Harvard Gazette