No one prepares you for death...

Our entire existence in this world is run on duality and DEATH?is one of the most difficult of life’s dualities to accept.? Does that hit home?

During the Covid Era I started to pay closer attention to this subject. I decided to pen down this article as my way of holding space for my dear friends who lost their loved ones, a friend who lost her mother, a friend who lost his father, a friend who lost her significant other, parents who are grieving the loss of their children, families grieving the loss of a pet.

There is pain.

GRIEF is the price we pay for love - I get a feeling this quote by Queen Elizabeth II will speak to you.

While my personal endeavour has been to recognise and accept we are the soul. Our body is the divine clothing, at some point in time the soul will shed this divine clothing, but the soul lives on, it’s eternal. I am sure we've been preview to this conversation in some way shape or form.?BUT let's be honest this is doesn't offer solace when we lose a loved one.

Why do we resist DEATH??

I even asked my teacher a question-When we know ‘death is the biggest truth of our lives’ why do so many struggle to deal with it. Internalising the belief that we are soul, doesn’t necessarily comfort us when we dealing with the loss of a loved one. The discomfort is real when you learn DEATH is not something that will happen to others alone, and it’s not something that will only happen in the distant....

BUT why is there such low acceptance?

My teacher graciously responded , ‘What are we doing every day to cultivate equanimity? Also, if we are speaking the language of FAITH, do we carry it with us all times, or is there is skepticism? Because if there is scepticism there is no faith. So, we aren't truly surrendering to the call to go WITHIN.

I thought to myself, these are valid and the answers will appear in your moments of STILLNESS.

I go back to answering the question for myself

How AM I practicing ‘equanimity?

This is when I remind myself-Are you being diligent about creating your portable paradise?

The intention is to not be hard on ourselves or to live with fear but to practice, equanimity, it is about finding a way to be okay even when nothing else is, allowing us to experience peace in stressful situations.?

Here it is important to register ‘Live well and live deeply with a fearless heart, as we are here to experience this side of the thread. The other side is there waiting to provide us it’s lessons.’

I also find it apt to quote Deepak Chopra ‘ In the midst of movement and chaos, keep stillness inside of you.’ Mediation gives us the tools to reach this state of balance. When we practice detachment, we gain perspective that allows us to act with intention rather than react out of impulse-a crucial skill in the times we are in.??

Please note: Detachment doesn’t mean ‘disinterest’. When we do that we aren’t processing our pain, so don’t distract yourself by being disinterested.?

While this does set the premise for our conversation today. Let's touch upon how to deal with bereavement.?Even the most resilient people feel deep pain at the loss of a loved one. We can’t avoid the grief that comes with bereavement, but we can weather the storm by showing ourselves patience and compassion.?

Canadian psychiatrist Diane McIntosh uses an analogy with grieving patients that she calls the ‘grief tsunami’. Bereavement hits us as a shattering blow and after the first impact, the pain tends to come in waves-moments of relative calm punctuated with swells of stress and sorrow. Those waves may keep coming for the rest of lives-anniversaries and holidays are often particulary difficult – but with time, the swells, come less often and they don’t hit so hard, so they are less painful. When grief is rising, remember that you can ride out this wave and be assured when it subsides, you will safe on the other side.?

Mourning is a learning process: we gradually create a new life in which the lost person’s absence can be accommodated. In between the waves of grief, you do your loved one no dishonour- and are likely to reduce your own stress – if you embrace a sense of meaning and gratitude, and enjoy the good moments as much as you can.?

The only cure for grief is to grieve and may you recognise that seeking expert help to process your grief is a choice, too.

#healingisajourney