Is This One Niggling Thing Holding You Back? And How To Breakthrough It

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We all know the script, don't we? Work hard, climb the ladder, and you'll have "made it one day." For many of us, that's exactly what we've done. We've put in the long hours, earned the qualifications, and risen to positions of responsibility. Yet, despite the success, many professionals ask, "Is this it?" I know I did. This questioning often leads us to reflect on our identity.

As I progressed on my journey, I realised that a successful career doesn’t always equal freedom. For years, I tied my identity to being a doctor and Royal Navy officer, believing that defined who I was. The turning point came when I recognised that the box I had built around my career was actually restricting me from creating the life of time and financial freedom I truly wanted.

I remember the exact moment this hit me. It was a rainy evening, and I sat in my office, staring at the never-ending piles of paperwork. A deep sense of dissatisfaction washed over me, a yearning for something more, something different. In that moment, I knew I had to make a change.

Here's how I began to untangle my identity from my career and take steps toward true financial independence, drawing inspiration from two powerful books: The Four Agreements and Mistaken Identity.

The Identity Trap: Why a Successful Career Can Feel Like a Cage

It's easy to confuse what we do with who we are. When you've spent decades crafting your career, it becomes more than just a job – it becomes part of your identity. I had always been "the doctor" or "the military guy." Those labels came with respect, status, and the satisfaction of a well-done job. But they also came with expectations, routines, and responsibilities that felt increasingly limiting as I started yearning for more flexibility.

As I explored financial freedom and passive income, I realised more and more that my attachment to these roles was the real obstacle. I thought, "If I'm not a doctor, what am I?" It's not just about the fear of losing income—it's about losing that identity, that sense of purpose. But that's the trap. I had spent so long believing my career was who I was that I couldn't see how it held me back.

And I know I'm not alone in this. Many successful professionals, like you, feel the same way. We work hard for prestige, a nice house, and a comfortable life, but it often comes at the cost of our freedom. Our identity becomes so wrapped up in our career that we don't think we can change paths, even when we crave something different.

What I Learned from The Four Agreements

When I stumbled across Don Miguel Ruiz's The Four Agreements, it was like a slap in the face (a gentle, philosophical one, of course). The book identifies the self-limiting beliefs we unknowingly live by and how to break free from them. It felt like Ruiz had a front-row seat to my internal struggles. This empowerment to challenge self-limiting beliefs is what I want to share with you.

Be Impeccable with Your Word

The first agreement concerns the power of our words, not just with others, but with ourselves. I realised I had been telling myself, "I'm a doctor; I can't just start a business" or "I'm not the type of person who takes risks with investments." These weren't objective facts. They were stories I'd been telling myself and had become part of my identity. Once I started challenging these narratives, I could see new possibilities.

Don't Take Anything Personally

For years, I worried about what people would think if I stepped away from my medical career to pursue financial freedom. I had built up this image of what a "successful" person looked like, and admitting that I wanted something different felt difficult. But Ruiz's second agreement taught me that what others think has nothing to do with me. It's about them, their expectations, and their own identity issues. Once I stopped taking it personally, I found the courage to explore new paths without feeling like letting anyone down.

Don't Make Assumptions

I used to assume that stepping away from my career would mean losing everything—my income, my status, my sense of purpose. When I researched alternative income streams, like property investment, I quickly realised those assumptions were wrong. The fear of the unknown had been keeping me stuck. Ruiz's advice to stop making assumptions allowed me to start looking at the facts and seeing the possibilities.

Always Do Your Best

This one was key. I used to think that "doing my best" meant working myself into the ground to keep my career going. But Ruiz reframed that for me. Doing my best doesn't mean burning out in a job just because it's what I've always done. It means applying myself in a sustainable, fulfilling way that aligns with my goals. I realised I could channel my energy into new ventures like entrepreneurship and investment, which could be my new "best."

The Realisation of Mistaken Identity

While The Four Agreements helped me break down my internal barriers, Doug Dane's Mistaken Identity offered a fresh perspective on how past experiences shape and distort our sense of self. The concept of 'Mistaken Identity' is simple yet profound. It suggests that much of what we believe about ourselves – our limitations, our capabilities, even our identity – has been programmed into us by others.

I had absorbed ideas about who I was and what I was capable of, often without questioning them, whether they came from family, society, or past experiences. This realisation struck me when I understood that I hadn't consciously chosen my professional identity; it had been shaped by years of external expectations and self-imposed limitations.

For me, this struck a chord. I had spent decades building a career that became my definition of success. Still, it wasn't necessarily who I was at my core. I had allowed myself to believe that this role – doctor, officer – was all I could be. But, as Dane highlights, identity is not a fixed state. It's a story we've been telling ourselves that can be rewritten.

Mistaken identity made me see that holding on to an outdated version of myself kept me from the life I wanted. The roles I had been clinging to no longer served the person I was becoming. Realising this was liberating. It allowed me to explore new opportunities and redefine my identity without feeling like I was betraying my past. It was a hopeful understanding that my identity could evolve, and embracing that evolution was key to achieving both time and financial freedom.

How I Expanded My Identity Beyond My Career

Once I recognised that my identity wasn't tied to my job, I started taking steps to expand it. Here's how I did it:

Self-Awareness and Reflection

The first step was taking a long, hard look at what mattered to me. What kind of life did I want to build? While I enjoyed my career, I realised I wanted it to be something other than everything. I wanted more time with my family, the freedom to travel, and the ability to work on my own terms. This clarity helped me see that my career didn't have to be the centre of my life.

Investing in Personal Development

Next, I started learning new skills that had nothing to do with my day job. I explored property investment, passive income strategies, and even building online businesses. Each step expanded my view of what was possible for me. I wasn't just "the doctor" anymore; I was becoming an investor, an entrepreneur, and someone who could generate income in multiple ways.

Surrounding Myself with New Perspectives

I made a point of networking with people outside my industry. Meeting entrepreneurs, investors, and other professionals pursuing financial freedom gave me new perspectives on approaching life and money. It showed me that there are many ways to be successful, and it doesn't only involve sticking to one career path.

Taking Small, Calculated Risks

I didn't just leap into the unknown. Starting small, making my first property investment and built it up gradually. I experimented with side hustles before fully committing. Each step I took built my confidence and reinforced that my identity wasn't tied to any one job or career.

How I'm Building a Life of Time and Financial Freedom

Today, I'm still working, but on my terms. I've built multiple income streams, and I no longer rely on a single identity to define me. The journey was challenging and wasn't immediate, but it's been transformative.

If I had continued to see myself only as "the doctor" or "the officer," I'd still be trapped in the cycle of working long hours with little time to enjoy life. Instead, I've learned that expanding my identity is the key to unlocking time and financial freedom.

Final Thoughts: You Are More Than Your Job

If you've been trapped by your success or struggling with the idea that your career defines you, remember that you are more than your job. Your identity isn't fixed and doesn't have to hold you back. By challenging the beliefs that keep you stuck and expanding your sense of self, you can build the life you want—freedom, flexibility, and fulfilment.

So, I'll leave you with this question: Is your Identity holding you back? If it is, maybe it's time to start breaking free.

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Good luck on your journey!