One of the Most Expensive Things You Can Do is Pay Attention to the Wrong People

Any adult knows that we live in an expensive world. It’s just a fact of life that you have to pay to play. But one thing that I had to learn (sometimes the hard way) was that one of the most expensive things you can do is “pay” attention to the wrong people.

 In direct correlation, one of the first and most crucial life lessons I remember my parents teaching me was that of the vast importance of my choice of peers. It’s uncanny that something that seems so benign and straightforward as a single friendship, love relationship, or even business partnership can have an incalculably dramatic (and damaging) effect on one’s entire life. But it can, and it does—all the time.

 For this reason, I felt that an article addressing this very relationship landmine could be a welcome read for many of you. I know I remind myself of this truth daily as I come into contact with new acquaintances that offer the opportunity for further investment and growth into friendships and other partnerships.

 So how do we know if a relationship is truly worth our investment? I believe there are three main characteristics to look for—and three main red flags that reveal you should RUN. Let’s start with the trio of traits that recommend a new relationship for further investment: Empathy, Healthy Communication, and Commitment.

 Empathy

Empathy is the ability to understand and sympathize with someone else’s feelings. This trait is crucial to any thriving relationship. Think about it: If you don’t feel heard or understood in your relationship (be it a friend, partner, or otherwise), no real trust can be built between the two of you, much less deep camaraderie. Without empathy, there can be no warmth, no genuine connection, and no real growth.

 Healthy Communication

So we’re not mind readers, right? There is simply no way of knowing what the other person needs and wants in a relationship without it being properly conveyed (i.e., communicated) in a healthy way. If your friend or partner is unable to express these things, it places your entire relationship at a standstill—one that is highly unlikely to be overcome, at least in the long term.

 Commitment

Ask yourself honestly if you know that a friend or partner is just biding their time in the relationship until something better comes along, or is not really invested enough to not bail at the first sign of difficulties (ever heard of “fair-weather friends”?). Then, trusting that person is near impossible (and also unwise!). It takes knowing that person is fully committed to working through any issues that arise and is in the relationship for the long haul for any amount of real trust to be built. And trust is vital to any thriving relationship.

 On the opposite side of the coin are what I call the “triple threat” of healthy relationships: Dishonesty, Lack of Respect, and Selfishness.

 Dishonesty

Let’s face it; lies are toxic. One tiny kernel of an untruth, although seemingly harmless, quickly spreads and can poison a relationship. You simply can’t build anything firm and stable (like a healthy, thriving relationship) on such a shifty and “rotten” foundation.

 Lack of Respect

Without mutual respect, any relationship will quickly break down. This is because the person not being respected will always feel slighted, which leads to resentment and constant conflict in a person with healthy self-worth who chooses to stand up for themselves. In a person lacking self-worth, the lack of a colleague’s or friend’s or partner’s respect can sadly lead down a toxic road of self-doubt or self-hate, as you begin to believe that you are not worthy of the respect not being offered.

 Selfishness

A person that is completely consumed with themselves just simply does not have much to offer anyone. This is because there just isn’t room in the relationship for much else than their ego! If you enter into any relationship with a selfish person, you will not only be disappointed, but you will always be left giving far more than you receive in every situation. Don’t engage with takers. Period. The price is far too high.