One Inch Taller
Jim Vaselopulos
BUSINESS ADVISOR | EXECUTIVE COACH | FOUNDER | CEO | ENTREPRENEUR | BOARD DIRECTOR | AWARD WINNING AUTHOR | CO-HOST OF THE LEADERSHIP PODCAST
an excerpt from Clarity: Business Wisdom to Work Less and Achieve More
There is a fateful moment of betrayal that is engrained in many of our lives. That moment takes place on the day we learned to ride a bike with two wheels. The process starts with an acknowledgment that “it’s time” to make the jump to two wheeled locomotion. A pensive interest and a measured level of excitement is accompanied by haunting fears of twisted wreckage and broken bones.
With cajoling and encouragement from our most trusted confidants, our emotions fluctuate between excitement and panic as the mechanical process of removing training wheels builds into a mountain of dramatic tension.
The betrayal begins when the instructor –usually a parent or sibling– promises to not let go of the bike while running alongside. “Don’t worry! I won’t let go... I promise...” is a phrase that is almost universal. Just as universal is the fact that the person you trusted most does, in fact, let go.
What happens next is as predictable as the sun rising in the East. After a brief moment of independent gliding, powered by the steady hand of your trusted instructor, the realization sets in that you are on your own. Panic sets in. Pedaling stops. And so does stability.
The loss of speed and control inevitability ends in a crash that can range from gentle to brutal. Even if the pedaling continues and victory is in sight, the skill for stopping gracefully is inconveniently reserved for lesson number two.
What is fascinating is that an exceptionally interesting phenomenon usually takes place during this process. Even though a profound betrayal of trust has taken place, it is overshadowed by the personal growth that has come forth in the form of a newfound capability that has been realized.
Moments of personal growth result in feelings of accomplishment, confidence, and belief. But how does a betrayal of trust turn fears and doubts into confidence and belief ?
As with the bicycle example, our moments of growth are frequently supported by a person that helps us overcome our fears, build our confidence, and provide us the extra boost we need to take on the risks that accompany any sort of growth. These people may be parents, siblings, supervisors, mentors, or coaches. Regardless of their formal relationship with us, the common theme is that we trust them.
But moments of personal growth aren’t always tied to success. In many cases, our failures are the driving forces in how we learn. So how do these influential people in our lives retain our trust when they push us into danger, deceive us with feelings of security, and set us up for failure?
They can do this because they get us to trust ourselves.
The ability of someone to help us understand how we can trust ourselves rather than someone or something else is a powerful lesson in life. The analogy to training wheels could not be more complete.
When we are learning to ride a bike, we do not trust our own ability to balance. Balance is a sensation that is far too complicated to understand with words or instruction. It is the training wheels that we trust to keep us from falling over.
However, by experiencing the sensation of balance and realizing that balance is a state you can create, we are able to teach people to ride a bicycle. Our trusted influencers know that balance must be experienced to be understood. The person learning to ride a bicycle does not. It is the mentor or the coach that helps us experience something new in order to open our eyes to expanded possibilities.
As Benjamin Franklin once said:
“Tell me and I’ll forget. Teach me and I’ll remember. Involve me and I learn.”
In business, the goal for any coach or mentor is to help people reach for something they lack the confidence to do on their own. Initially, they may lean on their coach for detailed instruction and advice. In times of failure, the instructor is there to ensure lessons are learned and confidence is restored. Eventually, the wisdom of the coach speaks to the individual even when they are not present.
It sounds easy, but it is not. Good coaching and mentoring require patience, empathy, and love. But if there is one rule of thumb, it should be this: Mentors, advisors, and coaches should aspire to end every conversation with the recipient feeling like they are one inch taller.
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One inch taller. This is the credo I aspire to when coaching and advising clients. Every interaction and every discussion should provide the receiving party with greater clarity in their purpose, confidence in themselves, and conviction in their motivation.
There are few things as satisfying as seeing someone you care for find their own internal strength. The satisfaction intensifies when you see how personal growth manifests itself in ways that are physically observable. A voice is more assertive. A stride is more powerful. Posture and body language suggest an internal confidence.
The satisfaction evolves into pride when you witness someone recover from a setback on their own. The ability to rebound from failure is a sign of resilience, maturity, and confidence.
When you spend time helping others see clearly, it also helps you see clearly. As the proverb goes, “steel sharpens steel, and one friend sharpens another” (Proverbs 27:17). The gift for any parent, mentor, coach, or leader is to receive the wisdom that is gained through interactions with those you care for deeply.
In a broader context, it is important to recognize that wisdom only comes into existence once it has been shared with another person. Therefore, it is the responsibility of anyone who wishes to pursue wisdom to share freely what they know and to be open to what they may learn. And that is why a good life is not lived in solitude, but in the service of others. Hence, a good life begins by trusting in yourself to help others feel one inch taller.
If this story resonated with you, consider capturing more wisdom and clarity at www.businesswisdom.com or purchasing my new book Clarity: Business Wisdom to Work Less and Achieve More
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