One of the Greatest Kindnesses

Follow your dreams

Be yourself, an angel of kindness

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From the song 'I Believe in You'

By Celine Dion

'Being kind to yourself can be one of the greatest kindnesses,' said the mole in the book The Boy, the mole, the fox, and the Horse, by Charlie Mackesy.

Yet, how absurdly challenging it can be for me to practice the habit of being kind to myself. Please read on if you find the same is true for you too.

It would solve many of the world's ills if we could somehow master it.

The mole continues, 'We often wait for kindness…but being kind to yourself can start now.'

How true! Although, many times, we forget it.

For many reasons, these are the fundamental realities about us and the human condition we feel compelled to withhold from others – causing others to forget everyone else experiences them. Which, in turn,?causes us to feel unsafe and unsure. We tend to be less kind when we are fearful.

We mistakenly believe these foundational elements do not require tending. Ignoring them gets us into trouble in our families, friendships, teams, and organizations.

Paying attention to them is fundamental to leadership. All leadership starts with self-leadership.

I find it strange that two contradictory things can coincide, yet it happens all the time. Frequently, people find it more challenging to be kind to themselves, and being kind to oneself increases our capacity to show kindness to others.

Many I know believe that they can be hard on themselves without impacting their kindness towards others. I don't see it that way. Our capacity to exhibit kindness to ourselves correlates directly with our ability to be kind to others.

One expands or constricts the other and vice versa. No one has more control over this than us, so we would do well to get on with it.

I want to express my incredible gratitude to my daughter Allison, who bought copies of the book for each of us to share and discuss this past winter. Father-daughter relationships can be extraordinary.

Her message to me inside the book reads, 'I know how profound, simple stories made for children can be and thought you would appreciate it too – after all, we are forever children in some sense.'

Wow, I agree! Like the book's author, she conveyed a lot in very few words.

We think we get better and more sophisticated with age, and sometimes we do. Still, we would do well to follow Charlie's advice in some critical ways and 'attend the school of unlearning.'

An exceedingly tender book with gorgeous illustrations intended for readers of almost every age conveys penetrating insights and truths so subtly that they can be quickly glossed over or dismissed.

I found it repeatedly stopped me in my tracks, and I am so glad it did.

Some worthy considerations:

1.????How do honest, caring friendships shape your life? What prevents you from nurturing them?

2.????What impact does practicing kindness towards yourself have on you and others with whom you interact? What holds you back? Are you willing to start today?

3.????What effect does taking risks to share yourself vulnerably with others have on your relationships? Might it grow your kindness?

4.????Do your team and your organization value kindness? Can you be kind without being considered soft? How do you know?

Please reach out to me if you want help homing in on what matters most and integrating it in innovative ways to grow yourself, your team, or your organization. I welcome the conversation.

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Robert Hackman, Principal, 4C Consulting and Coaching. He provides executive coaching for leadership impact, growth, and development for individuals, teams, and organizations. Committed to Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion, he facilitates trusting environments that promote uuncommonly candid conversations. Rob is also passionate about the power of developing Legacy Mindsets and has conducted over 50 Legacy interviews with people to date.

A serious man with a dry sense of humor who loves absurdity can often be found hiking rocky elevations or making music playlists. His mixes, including Pandemic Playlists and Music About Men, among others, can be found on Spotify.

Bravely bring your curiosity to a conversation with Rob, schedule via voice or text @ 484.800.2203 or [email protected].