The One Easily Fixable Thing Most Leaders Get Wrong

Have you ever wondered why some people seem to share their ideas effortlessly, engaging their audience and building a reputation as a credible thought leader while others struggle?

In her book,?Cues: Master the Secret Language of Charismatic Communication ,?Vanessa Van Edwards ?explains why it’s not enough to have great ideas; you also need to know how to communicate them.

The secret, says Edwards, is learning to master your cues, the powerful nonverbal, verbal, and vocal social signals humans send to one another.

Nonverbal cues account for 65 to 90 percent of our total communication, yet most people are clueless about how to use their body language to help them communicate effectively.

Edwards cites a groundbreaking study from Princeton University that found highly charismatic people demonstrate a special blend of two key traits: warmth and competence. Those with both signal trust and credibility and make people see them as friendly, smart, and collaborative.

The problem? Most of us have an imbalance between these two traits — and it’s negatively affecting the way others perceive us, says Van Edwards.

Too much warmth and not enough competence can come across as friendly but not always impressive; heavy competence without much warmth is viewed as intelligent but cold and highly suspicious.

“If you can’t showcase your warmth,” writes Van Edwards, “people won’t believe in your competence.” And worse, “if you rank low in?both?warmth and competence, you are more likely to be overlooked, dismissed, pitied, and undervalued.”

Van Edwards says the most charismatic leaders understand how to balance their cues. Here’s how she breaks those down:

WARMTH CUES

Highly competent, but people feel you’re unapproachable? Try adding a few of these warmth cues to the mix to signal more trust, collaboration, and openness:

1. Titling?- Tilting your head shows interest, curiosity, and appeasement. (Pro tip: consider adding a photo to your LinkedIn profile with a slight head tile and genuine smile to up your warmth cue.)
2. Nodding?- Affirmative nodding signals and triggers empathy.
3. Eyebrow Raise?- Raising your eyebrow shows interest and curiosity and captures attention.
4. Smiling?- Genuine smiles spread and create joy, helping others feel happy too. And those that take longer than half a second (called savor smiles) are the best.
5. Touch?- A subtle and strategic touch (think: handshake, high five, fist bump, pat on the back) increases trust.
6. Mirroring?- You wow others and earn their respect by meeting them where they are, subtly matching their behaviors. Mirroring positive body language signals alignment and agreement.

COMPETENCE CUES

If you’re naturally warm, and you know you’ll be interacting with someone higher in competence, be sure to incorporate some of these cues to boost your presence:

1. Power Posture?- Expansive posture (standing up straight with your feet apart, for example) helps you look and feel more powerful. And confident posture helps you inspire confidence.
2. Flexed lower eyelid?- Narrowed eyes (also called a “smize”) signal intensity, focus, contemplation, and scrutiny.
3. Steeple?- Palms facing with fingertips gently touching is a universal display of confident contemplation and convinces others of your commitment.
4. Explanatory gestures?- Purposeful, confident hand gestures (think holding up fingers while counting or emphasizing your message with a softly closed hand and thumb pointing) help others understand your message better.
5. Palm flash?- When you flash your palms, people pay attention.

CHARISMA CUES

In addition to warmth and competence cues, Van Edwards suggests incorporating these highly charismatic nonverbal cues:

1. Leaning?- Leaning in is the fastest way to look and feel interested and engaged.
2. Fronting?- If you want someone to feel heard, accepted, and respected, turn toward them.
3. Anti-blocking?- To inspire openness, open up nonverbally, removing any barriers (crossed arms, a laptop, or podium).
4. Space Smarts?- Physical distance equals emotional distance. If you’re too close too soon and you’ll make others nervous; too far, and you’ll have a more challenging time connecting. The sweet spot is about 1-1/2 to 5 feet from someone.
5. Gaze?- Making eye contact is essential for connection, plus gaze is the ultimate attention cue; we look to where someone is gazing to understand what is most important.

DANGER ZONE CUES

While under-signaling is a problem, so is unintentionally signaling anxiety, shame, and guilt cues. Watch for and try to avoid these red flags:

1. Distancing?- Things like stepping or leaning back, turning away, or checking your phone when you’re with others create emotional distance making you less charismatic.
2. Self-comfort?- Rubbing your arms or neck, cracking your knuckles, or touching your nose distract and detract from your charisma, making you look anxious or unsure.
3. Blocking?- Blocking our body (arms crossed over chest), mouth (hand over mouth), or eyes (shielding eyes with a hand) makes us feel protected but signals close-mindedness.
4. Shame touch?- Putting both hands to your forehead and looking down signals shame and nervousness.
5. Bothered face?- Be aware of what cues your face is sending at rest and avoid accidentally signaling anger, sadness, and contempt.

By upping your awareness, understanding, and usage of nonverbal cues, you’ll learn how to convey power, trust, leadership, likability, and charisma in every interaction.

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