One Communication Technique I Learnt By Reading A Book By A Hostage Negotiator
Three armed fugitives are trapped by the FBI on the 27th floor.
Rather than kicking down the door, or sniping them through the window, Chris Voss FBI Hostage Negotiator tries a different approach.
He simply repeats these three sentences into the door:
For 6 hours no-one responded, but after 6 hours the fugitives opened the door and quietly went into custody without speaking a word.
In his book "Never Split The Difference" Chris describes this technique as a "label".
Labels are amazing in everyday communication.
In any conversation its important to understand what your partner is talking about. Yet, its very easy to not listen and be focused on what you are going to say next. If you craft your next response as a label it will force you to be focused on them and help build empathy between you both.
It will also encourage your partner to share more with you.
Crafting labels is as easy as picking an emotion and saying "it seems like you feel X"
Emotions are powerful things for humans.
When crafting a label its important to use language that makes it appear like you are uncertain. For example "it seems like you are uncomfortable" is much better than "you are uncomfortable" or worse "stop being uncomfortable". I find it hard not to respond to a well crafted label.
Go and try a label next time you're in a conversation, it will surprise you.?