The One Colored Rainbow

Hey! I want to be the grandmother, not the kid”… “I just called to tell you that our son came first in class” “I am at the market, what you want to eat for dinner and what should I cook for you?”….

These are the statements I hear every evening as I wait for the lift in my building. The common sight which greets me is a bunch of 6 to 8year old(all girls) role-playing with their fancy kitchen sets in the building’s parking lot. Oblivious to the world and sounds around them, these girls are lost in a make belief world where their only existence is around being home-makers, mothers, buying vegetables, asking their husbands what should be cooked or asking the children (also their age!) what is the homework given by the school teacher. The only variation to this routine is sadly all of them gyrating to the latest ‘item- numbers’ from Bollywood. A lone girl, with absolutely adorable curls is found to be playing either football or cricket with her grandparents. She is an obvious outcast as none of the other girls are interested in playing with her.

Early childhood (usually defined as birth to year 8) is a time of tremendous physical, cognitive, socio-emotional, and language development. Weeks of observation, made me think…who inspires them, who are their role-models, whom are they imitating. These early years will be crucial to who they grow into and what their aspirations will be?

The answers lay a few feet away – their mothers. All the mothers, were highly educated women who are now stay at home mothers, their conversations all imitated by their daughters. The kid who loves football has a working mother. While this is not an attempt to generalize and label, it is a reflection of the growing up environment for today’s young children. The boys have a stereotypical role and the girls have a pre-defined mold to fit in – of caretakers, of mothers whose job is only to buy groceries, see-off their kids to school, cook, gossip and pamper the man of the house. Switch on any television channel in India, flip to any language and the story remains the same; a weak, sacrificing woman whose sole purpose of existence remains everybody, but herself. If she is a working woman- she is a single woman.

Media, common culture and deep rooted thoughts which remain unchanged over decades, all rein-force this stereotype and unfortunately fuel the prevalent mindsets.

A popular brand of chocolates has different options for boys and girls, the toys inside are different! Common celebrations in any residential complex (a common sight during large festivals in India) will have children act, dance, sing and social activity for all women-folk will be a cooking contest. I think some of these are great, as they nurture talent (though some end up objectifying women) ; my reservation is why restrict this to only one aspect, why not encourage our children to pursue math, science or languages? Why can’t there be events such as quizzes or simulations? Why can’t children be rewarded for these? Early interest and exposure can go a long way in building aspirations among these impressionable minds.

The corporate world talks about shortage of talent, intent for creating a diverse workforce. Statistics fly around on how GDP can increase if women have access to jobs. Unconscious Bias is new the buzzword and everyone is clamoring to find a pill which will help transform our thinking overnight. Government policies and diktats are supposed to define and ensure mandatory compliance.

Is anybody looking at how the next generation sees this rainbow? Blinded by the clouds which obstruct their vision, not only for girls but also for the boys, something needs to fundamentally change. This change needs to be seeded at home, in our communities, our social interactions and in our schools.

We need to show the girls what options they can have and let them then decide, after having them explore. Let the boys choose if they want to cook and let the girls decide if they want to be doctors. Until then this rainbow has only one color – of bias.