One Catastrophize Does Not Fit All

There is a phrase that I use from time to time, I’m not sure where it originates from. ‘You don’t know how annoying you are until you create a smaller version of yourself and have to deal with them on a daily basis’.?

This is obviously tongue in cheek, but I feel like it summarises one of the lessons I have learned as a parent over the past 6 years or so.?

Our eldest has a tendency to catastrophize, i.e. think that the current situation is significantly worse than it actually is (in other words automatically adopting worst case scenario thinking).

For example, if his little brother takes one of his toys he will get out of proportion upset about it. When we explore this with him he will share with us the story he is telling himself which will be along the lines of ‘he’s going to take it and put it somewhere that I can’t find it and I will never see it again’ (imagine this with a lot of high pitched shouting).?

Catastrophizing or catastrophic thinking, as I mentioned above, is the tendency to automatically assume that the situation is much worse than it actually is.?

As with most things in life, this exists on a spectrum. At the most extreme pole of catastrophic thinking, it's a disabling and disruptive part of everyday life.?

You actually can’t do, or achieve, anything for fear of the worst happening.?

In fact, you probably won’t even try to do many things for fear of catastrophe occurring.?

At the other end of the spectrum, it may be a more infrequent behaviour that many of us exhibit. And perhaps at times when you are feeling slightly less resilient- tired, hungry, stressed, overwhelmed etc.?

As with a lot of mindset malfunctions this goes back to when our priority was survival. When our worries were less about energy bills and cost of living, and more about avoiding sabre tooth tigers.?

I think it is important to consider, how is this behaviour actually serving us??

If we assume that all behaviour has a positive intent at its root (which is a core NLP principle), why does assuming the worst potentially have protective intent?

There is a part of our minds that actually likes to be prepared for things potentially going wrong.?

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My experiences with catastrophic thinking

Having children is an interesting way of holding a mirror up to yourself regarding your own behaviours. I recognise that this is something I have been guilty of in the past, but fortunately I have been able to bring it more under control.?

With a fifteen year NHS career under my belt working mainly in Emergency Medicine/ Accident and Emergency, I have plenty of material to reference from this time.?

I also have a fairly convincing body of evidence to support most of the worst case scenarios that I could come up with.?

I was pretty much trained in my chosen career to consider the worst case scenarios. When I am seeing a patient in my Emergency Department with x-problem (insert presenting complaint here- chest pain, headache, abdominal pain, collapse), the way this would be approached is to consider the worst case scenario diagnoses and come up with a plan to rule those out.?

We have this in common with many of the patients that present to the ED. They too are considering the worst case scenarios, and need to be provided with some reassurance that they don't have a catastrophic diagnosis.?

When you frame it like this, its no surprise that I ended up with this as my default way of thinking. The problem is when you take this reflex into your day to day life.?

As I mentioned before, I recognise this behaviour in my 6 year old who does not have as much experience of working in Emergency Departments. There must be an element of ‘wiring’ involved.?

Perhaps some people are just more prone to it than others?

The problem, as I mentioned above, is that it can hold you back. It can also manifest in unexpected ways, like assuming the worst in arguments with partners and spouses. I know that I used to make a lot of catastrophic assumptions about what my other half was thinking during any disagreements we might have.?

And once again I come back to, what purpose does this serve really? I recognised that this pattern of thinking does not serve me outside the Emergency Department environment.?

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Managing catastrophizing and using it as a tool

Changing the way that you think is far more complex than just deciding to do so, but at least its a start. If it was as easy as just deciding to do it, we would have no-one with issues with their mindset or mental health. It's just not that straightforward.?

It comes down to management. Over time, I believe that it is possible to start to shift your mindset to a more positive place. And, as usual, it's small consistent repeated behaviours that are the key.?

For my kids I try and approach this in two ways. Role modelling good behaviours in terms of how I respond to challenges and setbacks, and trying to help them manage situations where it appears that catastrophic thinking has kicked in. Only time will tell how successful this has been, and its not 100% in my control.?

As an adult, these behaviours are very well imprinted, likely from our childhood experiences and parenting to some degree.?

And in my mind there are two discrete ways to approach dealing with catastrophic thinking as an adult.?

The first is management of the episodes as they occur, and this requires cultivation of some self awareness. Recognising when it is happening. You may enlist the help of someone close to you for this in the early stages, someone to prompt you to take action.?

Get into the habit of taking a pause, introduce a gap between the stimulus (the thing that has set you off on your catastrophic thought process) and the response (how your reaction to this manifests to the external world).?

This gives you a chance to consider all the evidence available to you. Break it down. Write it down if you need to. How likely is the catastrophic outcome you are imagining REALLY!

Things often seem worse in your head than they do in black and white in your hand.?

The other approach is about minimising frequency and severity of episodes. How can you cultivate a more positive outlook and mindset in general??

For me, this comes down to daily mind management. Being mindful of how you communicate with yourself (e.g. avoiding saying things like ‘I’m such an idiot’).?

Environment is also very important, surround yourself with mostly positive influences. Curate your social media feed, or even better limit your time on there. Surround yourself with positive influences. Try to bleed as much of the negativity out of your life as you can.?

And finally, how can we use catastrophic thinking as a tool. I make no secret of the fact that I spoke with a counsellor when things were getting increasingly challenging at work, with worries about bad things that can happen in my congested Emergency Department.?

She actually encouraged me to consider, constructively, what action steps would I actually take IF that happened. That way it becomes less about the problem, and more about the solution.?

As with all things, there is a balance to be struck. Do we want to be doing risky things without any thought for the potentially bad consequences? No!

Do we want to be paralysed by thoughts of how the likely straightforward activity we are engaging in could go horribly wrong? Absolutely not.?

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What are your experiences of catastrophic thinking or ‘catastrophizing’?

For you, is it mostly protective or does it paralyse you sometimes?

Share your thoughts below.?

Thanks for reading :)