The One Book that is Mandatory Employee Reading in Our Organization

When I have the opportunity to speak about our organization’s award-winning Corporate Culture (#humblebrag) I routinely reference the book Leadership and Self Deception by the Arbinger Institute as a foundational guidepost of who we are. I contend that this is the most compelling book ever written. 

I am often asked why this book is so important or what makes it so special? To which I typically respond, “Just read the book,” much to the chagrin of the asker. Leadership and Self Deception is a bit like Fight Club – you shouldn’t talk about it until you’ve experienced it for yourself; and once you have, you’ll understand how and why we think of our organization as a family. 

When I am living, acting and working at my best, it is often when I most fully embrace the book’s principals. Ironically, I am as likely to hear my executives use the nomenclature in our Leadership Meetings as I am to hear my teenagers reference it during family home evening sessions on Monday nights. Today, 15 years almost to the day after reading it for the first time, I’m just as eager to mail a copy, along with a note, to a new friend, fellow executive, new corporate partner, child’s teacher, or even a member of my young men’s priest quorum group where I am an advisor in my church.

In our company, every single new employee reads the book within five days of their start date, and is required to send me a personal note introducing themselves, and answering two, seemingly simple questions:

How did the book impact you professionally?

How did the book impact you personally?

The results that follow include some of the most cathartic, raw and inspiring letters I have ever received – hundreds of which from young, millennial employees, many who have yet to meet me. They reflect on their relationships with past managers, parents, coaches, former bosses, colleagues’ significant others and even strangers. They often times share intimate details of their childhood struggles and upbringing - they embrace the exercise and dig deep. How? Why? Does it really matter? 

About a week into our onboarding program, the organization’s newest employees know who they are, what we expect and how we choose to live. They have also often times shared some of their most vulnerable moments, failures and lessons from their lives to the most senior executive in their new home. Guts. Vulnerability. Bravery. Connectivity. Freedom. Acceptance. Confidence. Comfort. Inner peace. Out of the box thinking. 

We share, reflect and commit. The book challenges the reader: Are you “In the Box” or “Out of the Box?” Can you graciously accept and embrace feedback, and its older brother, criticism? Do you see our colleagues, partners and fans as people with individual needs and goals or as objects? Where have you deceived yourself in your personal life? Can you say with complete honesty that you approach each new relationship with the assumption of positive intent? The results and organic connections our employees make consistently inspire me: 

"Reading this book only enforces the positivity I feel and see within this organization. It also clarifies my knowledge and feelings towards self-awareness. I am much more aware of the role I play in other people's lives, not just my own.” 

"From top to bottom, people are treated like people. Individual successes are cheered on by the entire team and the entire team achieves results together. Each individual is on the same wavelength. It is reassuring to know the information in this book is held in such high regard.”

"…. the moment I walked through the door I realized how close the sales team is and how important that culture is to them. I have heard some say that it is a family, and today I believe that is the absolute truth."  

“In this book, it boils down to cheering on your teammates as opposed to bringing them down, achieving results as a team, and ensuring that each level of management fully embodies out-of-box thinking. Ultimately, I am a part of something bigger than myself. I can play a tremendous role in the success of our team. However, I can achieve much greater success when I see every member of the organization as a person and provide a lending hand whenever and however the opportunity may present itself. Taking a step back and questioning my own virtue from time to time will ensure my priorities are in order.”

Can you imagine if you, as a new employee, had the opportunity to share authentic self-reflection with your new organization’s most senior executive? To intimately pledge to learn and grow as a professional and, more importantly, as a person? Opportunity.

Can you imagine writing a letter laden with personal self-reflection to your CEO when you were 25 years old? How would that letter have changed when you were 30? When you were 35? How would a true gut-check of self-reflection have saved you from a professional or personal misstep in your past? Could you write such a vulnerable narrative to your CEO today? What do you think the consequences might be? What do you think the opportunities might be? Critical.

This is more than a cathartic exercise for our new employees – it provides an authentic touchpoint for me as I work between two offices, a few too many games during the NBA and NHL season, oversee a family of 500 employees and squeeze in one of my daughters’ basketball or lacrosse games. 

I take great pride in knowing I can walk into any office, or past any desk in our organization, and catch a dog-eared copy of Leadership and Self Deception out of the corner of my eye. I smile to read each tagged tweet on Twitter or letter on LinkedIn from a lecture attendee raving about the book. I grin ear-to-ear when my ten-year old tells Daddy if he’s “In of the Box.” 

The book is about commitment. The commitment I make to you, is I will see you as a person. I promise that I will always give you candid feedback. It won’t always be positive, it won’t always be painless - but it will come from a genuine place. You succeed, I succeed, we succeed. I promise I will always listen to you. Your pitches and extravagant ideas, your concerns over the budget, your fears for your father’s failing health. I promise to accept and thoughtfully consider your feedback as well. I promise to pivot and change my outlook if it improves our goals as a team and family.  I promise to hold you accountable. I promise to push you when I know you are capable of more. I promise to be available for the 11 p.m. conference call. I promise to Facetime you if you need help with math homework. I promise to remember “The Main Thing” and send you home early when your daughter is sick at school. I promise not to give you all the answers. You’ll need to connect and form meaningful relationships with your colleagues and partners to find the right solution. And if you commit to me, and us, and our world – I promise, this won't be just a job, and this will never be just a place you work.

Read the book.