There Once Was An Immature Boy Named Nathan...Part 2

Have you ever got caught up in a fairy tale?

Created your own version of how something should go in your head and then bought into your own little story that you sell yourself on….and possibly got annoyed or frustrated when what actually played out didn’t match that story….that YOU created….IN YOUR HEAD!?

This is part two of some self reflections I’ve been having over the past few months…years….well, a long time.

And reflections that are helping me embody the man I aspire to be for myself, for my partner, for my future kids and for those around me that I can support.

You see, I did that shit.?

I made up stuff in my head and created this idea of who I had to be and what kind of story I should have. I used to think that my life wasn’t significant enough and that I had to go through more hardship to have a good story. Because good stories sell, right? And become successful. I was far too caught up in the idea that I needed a better story to be liked, to be ‘successful’ (whatever the fuck that means!) and that my standard middle class, white boy upbringing wasn’t enough.

When I think about it now and look back on various ups and downs of my life, I know that I subconsciously decided to choose chaos, to choose situations that would cause my world to be in chaos, disorder and choose people that needed fixing.?

Other people probably recognised that I was pretty level headed, relatively grounded and didn’t have too much screwed up shit going on.

Which was all true.?

I didn’t have a messed up family life.?

I didn’t have any health issues.?

I am relatively good looking and in good shape.?

I have been self employed as a career, and any employee jobs I’ve had…they’ve all loved me and my work ethic.?

I didn’t have any crazy or significantly traumatic life experiences, it was all pretty, normal.

And that was the problem.?

The meaning I gave to normal was that it wasn’t significant enough for me, that I had to be in or have chaos or drama to be significant.

Here’s the thing: Everybody, regardless of their experience, has a valuable story.?

Why? Because it is THEIR experience.

One pet peeve of mine is hearing some individuals dismiss or try to invalidate another person's story by over intellectualizing what they went through or simply stating that it wasn't true.

Why is that a pet peeve? Because I used to do that to others. I know how it feels to invalidate someone's experience.?

But, I also know how it feels for someone to invalidate my experience.?

It’s a horrible, self absorbed and slightly narcissistic trait to embody.

Empathy and compassion wins when it comes to human to human connections.?

I certainly have had my levels of empathy tested over the years.?

But, I’ve also been the nice guy, the passive guy, the submissive guy, the yes man, the non confrontational guy. The guy who basically puts other people before himself.?

Which has brought about situations and people where my empathy was tested.

My lack of self respect was ridiculously unattractive.

My lack of self discipline was vomit worthy.

My addiction to other peoples praise should have put me into rehab!

However, I am not ungrateful for those years of my life because they have taught me some very valuable lessons and have helped me associate with what other men go through in their own lives.

It’s been through those lessons and years that:?

• I understand the toll a partner's emotional & psychological trauma can have on a man.
• I understand the toll or fulfilment a relationship can have on a man.
• I understand over working, exhaustion and standing at the edge of the burnout abyss.
• I understand nervous system dysfunction.
• I understand the desire to want to work more to get out of all of this.
• I understand the feeling of taking steps backwards and putting personal ambitions aside.
• I understand being around a heavy and domineering ego.
• I understand being around someone who talks at you or down to you.
• I understand not being thanked, or praised, or appreciated.
• I understand the feeling of loss of purpose, of hopelessness.

It’s through these trials and lessons that I have discovered more of who I am and what I want in life.?

But also what I don’t want and who I don’t want to be around.

AND NOW, I understand what I want out of life.

I understand who I want to share my life with.

I understand the kind of woman that will embody my wife.

I understand how I want to raise my children.

I understand how I want to lead my family.

But most importantly, I understand my purpose, what I stand for and who I am as a man.

Yea, I can still act like a kid and play around, I can still be immature sometimes, I still feel that people pleaser stirring up every now and again, but I’m aware of all of that and can discern if how I am being is congruent with who I want to be.

So, NOW my story is this:

I live forward as the future version of myself. I embody that future version of me in the present moment and make sure who I am being is who I want to consistently become.

This is a part of what I am coaching guys to embody within themselves.

And do you know what, since operating this way it’s woven some pretty significant situations and people into my life over the last couple of years that well and truly sit on the side of divine given miracles.

These include an incredible wife worthy woman, working with amazing purpose driven guys as clients and incredible business opportunities.

In the words of Tony Robbins:

“Heal the boy and the man will appear”

If this resonates with you or you simply want to share in feeling good about life, drop me a message and let's chat.

Until next time, have a purposeful time,

Nathan