The “Older” the Ginger, the Spicier the Ginger

Working on your new year’s resolution? Talk to an older person in your circle whom you respect; you will be amazed that your appreciation for elders will bring good fortune to your new year. Here are my fortunes received from elders.

My grandfather went to war when my mother was three years old. He never came back. My grandmother married my step-grandfather when my mother was eight years old. In the old days, Chinese women could not bring their children with them from previous marriages when they married again. My mother and her younger sister were given up to a family for adoption. My mother only went to elementary school, and the only reason she could even go was that she was the umbrella and school bag carrier for the wealthy children.  She had an unbearably difficult childhood, but her tough life taught her invaluable lessons and wisdom that benefited her entire life, as well as mine.

Mom always said, “Listen to and respect your elders, or you will pay a price sooner or later!” At a very young age, mom told me stories that I couldn’t really understand or relate to, but later in my adulthood, the wisdom from those stories truly helped me at work and in life.

Story 1: Pick up a sesame seed only to lose a watermelon

In 1948, the wealthiest local landlord started to sell his land away at a very cheap price. The middle-class farmers and small business owners were convinced that this was a once-in-a-lifetime deal, so within a month, the landlord had sold all his land.  In 1949, the People’s Republic of China was founded after years of civil war. From 1950 to 1951, China started a nationwide campaign to reform the class system; farmers were to become the upper class and landlords were to be punished. Many landlords were prosecuted and put in prison, and their families and next generations were impacted for decades. 

Going back to 1948, the wealthiest landlord had connections outside of this small town, and he learned that something huge would happen in a year or two given the circumstances. He made the smart move to sell all his land so he could take the money and move away to escape the disaster. He survived but many others suffered for the rest of their lives.

This story taught me multiple lessons in life. First, it shows how people concentrate on small, insignificant matters at the expense of more important ones. Secondly, it shows how people focus so much on the trees right in front of them instead of on the condition of the entire forest. Third, it shows how people who are so out of touch can make decisions that make or break their lives.

The impact of this story was profound to me. I believe that anything worthwhile is hard to get. I don’t believe such a thing as a free lunch because if something is too good to be true, I know that it is not good for me. In the workplace, I realized how important it is to be well connected. Information is power, it can help you make the right decisions. 

As a strategist, when I approach a problem I look at multiple angles, while many technical folks only look at the technical aspects.  In my opinion, the single most important question we should ask ourselves is WHY? In the story above, if someone asked why this landlord sold his land so quickly and for so little but could not get a good answer, they would have a very different outcome.  Those who did not ask WHY but went ahead with the flow paid a heavy price.

Story 2: Taste the bitterness of the bitterness, you are the top of the top

In the early 1960s before China’s Cultural Revolution, a young college graduate was assigned to my mom’s company. He was very passionate about changing society with a lot of ideas. He disagreed with some government policies and had debated with company leaders. When he was about twenty-five years old, Cultural Revolution began, and he was one of the first groups of people put in prison, where he was sentenced to twenty years.  Over next eighteen years, many inmates committed suicide, and the rest had no hope for their lives. He spent nearly two decades in prison but he did not waste his time. He taught himself several subjects in science including electric power theory. His life was bitter in prison; he lived in a very depressing environment where he could not find any inspiration or hope externally from others. His access to books was very limited, and the measurement of his learning was not validated, but he firmly believed that knowledge would be useful to him one day.

In 1976, China finally ended the Cultural Revolution and a few years later China opened its doors to the world. This man was released from prison and offered a job as a worker. At the time, China had an extreme shortage of intellectual talent. The young man was now a middle age man, and he quickly became a team leader from a low-level worker and was then promoted to be a manager in a couple of years. He was so knowledgeable because he spent eighteen years in prison to study while the rest of the people were depressed and did nothing to improve themselves. In a few years, he was appointed as the CEO of the company. He suffered so much for nearly twenty years, but he had a very satisfactory, fulfilling and respected life after the 40s. My mom said that this is a classic example of how you can lose anything and everything, but knowledge will always stay with you. If you understand that knowledge is power, then you have the will to survive.

This story had a long-lasting impact on me. When things get more and more bitter in life or at work, I remember this real story so I can put things in perspective. I have been in the IT industry for more than twenty years and have gone through a lot of ups and downs. The darker the day, the harder I work, because I know no matter what happens, my knowledge will stay with me and no one can ever take that away from me.

The world can be prejudiced, the world can be crude, but the world wants the best.

Story 3: Sometimes you only have one chance in life

When mom was young, her biggest ambition was to leave the countryside and become a city girl.  In the old days in China, if you were born as a farmer, you were a farmer for the rest your life. The difference between a farmer and an urban worker is like the difference between the poor and the rich. When mom was eighteen years old, she heard that a military manufactory was hiring in a city near her town. She and her friends walked overnight to arrive at registration location. The recruiter asked if anyone was married, and my mom’s friend blurted out that my mom was married before my mom could answer for herself. My mom was then automatically disqualified. My mom insisted that she was not married but was just dating dad at the time. In fact, she was engaged to my dad. The recruiter simply did not listen to my mom no matter what she said. She stayed there for three days and tried everything she could think of to convince the recruiter, but the door was firmly closed. My mom ran out of ideas and was exhausted. Then on the fourth day, she suddenly spotted the town leader in the city town hall, so my mom dragged him all the way to the registration desk and asked this leader be witness to the fact that she was not married. The leader didn’t know my mom, but he was astonished by my mom’s strong will and courage so he made a life-changing statement: “Yes, she is right, she has my blessing” He said to this recruiter calmly then walked away.  That moment changed my mom’s life, as well as our lives forever.  Her courage, her resiliency, and her judgment made her seize that rare opportunity in a nearly impossible situation.

During my senior year in college, my entire class went to a remote location for our final hands-on project for one month. This was a military-style training with very strict rules. No one could be excused from this project even for one day otherwise he or she would run the risk of not graduating. During the first week of this remote training, I learned that I was accepted to perform at the first Commercial Fashion Show in our city in two weeks. I needed to excuse myself for at least three or four days as it was five to six hours away by train. I knew the school would not approve my absence for an activity that was not commonly accepted by society at the time. I realized that if I took an absence, I might not have been able to graduate. I also knew, however, that it was my dream, and I would regret it for the rest of my life if I did not go. I decided to make a story but I needed my best friend to help me. After several long stressful planning sessions, we both agreed that the best way was to have my friend pretend to be my mom, then call the school leader to request my return due to my grandmother’s sickness as it might be the last chance for me to see her. We practiced and practiced, we both freaked out a lot, but in the end, I was approved to take four days off.  I performed in my first and most important fashion show in my life. Without it, I would not have my fashion career. With it, it enriched my life forever.  I don’t suggest to lie, but I believe that there are times when lying without hurting anyone is the only option to get things done with a positive outcome, it can be forgiven. I graduated on time too.

Looking back, mom’s story strengthened my will to win. In both cases, mom and I had only one chance.  

Life is a comedy for those who think, Life is a tragedy for those who feel

When I started working at EDS, I was assigned to work on my dream project as a senior consultant using BEA WebLogic technology in Atlanta. Very quickly my excitement faded as I reported to a senior architect who knew nothing about Java but enjoyed bossing me around. I sometimes secretly laughed at him as he used a verb (Authenticate) to define a Java Class which should be a noun (Authentication). As time went by, our conflict became very heated. In my view, he was this old-school guy who knew nothing about the new technology while trying to make a lot of nonsense decisions using his seniority in the company. Obviously, he was well connected in the company, so I could not find a trusted person to complain about him internally, instead, I turned my energy to a contractor who seemed to be very nice to me. I shared my anger and frustration with him and provided many concrete examples to prove how senseless this architect was. I felt good about it after whining for a while. The following week, I was called into my boss’s office and the account executive and HR were on the phone. This third party contractor shared our conversation with the client. The client asked EDS to sort it out and make a decision to let one of us go immediately. Unfortunately, it was me. I almost lost my job with my uncontrolled emotions. I realized the serious consequences but I was resentful. 

It was when my new manager called me and shared with me his personal story that changed my attitude forever.  Charles Mag was a janitor in his twenties. He had a heated argument with his manager, and he almost hit his manager with a chair.  He said he could be let go from his employer or even worse if he did it. But he didn’t and learned a valuable lesson that life is a comedy for those who think, life is a tragedy for those who feel. He said, “You can be emotional, cry, laugh and scream at home, but you can never be emotional at work. When you do, no matter what you do, people will dismiss you as people don’t believe you can have good judgment with your emotions. You will not be trusted and you will not be respected.” Charles transformed himself from a janitor to a well-respected and loved Senior Director at EDS. I thank him for the rest of my life.

Since then, whenever I run into a difficult situation and my emotions are high, I think about Charles and it calms me down.  I reminded myself that emotions block my critical analysis, and prevent me from giving my best and getting the best from others too. The truth is that nothing gives a person so much advantage over another as always remaining calm and unruffled under any and all circumstances.

Always think of purpose and vision

I probably spent about a year to write my Distinguished Technologist (DT) package, it was a difficult and lengthy process. By the time I finished my package, I asked one of the wisest DTs Ghassem for a review. Ghassem was a leading expert in Disaster Recovery space, and I had tremendous respect for him personally and professionally. He has this unique talent of explaining a complex topic or concept through a simple story. His mind and thought process are so clear that I can easily follow his logic to lead to a conclusion.

This was the very first time I heard the story of the three bricklayers. Once there were three bricklayers. Each one of them was asked what they were doing. The first man answered, “I'm laying bricks so I can make some money.” The second man replied, “I'm laying bricks so I can build a cathedral”. But the third man said with enthusiasm and pride, “I'm laying bricks so I can build a school.” Thirty years later, the first person was still laying bricks, the second person became a builder of the cathedral. The third person became a president of a well-known university.

Ghassem said that in my write-up, I described a lot of what I have done and how I have done, but lack of purpose, vision or impact. As Distinguished Technologists, we must be visionary and we must associate our daily work with purpose. The reviewers will look for a hint from our write-up to understand our potential. Without a purpose, we are just laying bricks to make living. With it, even though we may be laying bricks every day, we envision the cathedral or university we are building so that we can move through our days with intention and passion, we are living our best life and giving our best to our world. I was awarded Distinguished Technologist in 2012, I was told by my reviewers that I had the best-written application. Since then, I never look at my work from what, how and with what, I started with why, intention and purpose.

Learning keeps you safe

Tom Hill was considered to be a godfather in the HP Days. He was the VP and sponsor of the HP Fellow/DSE program. In my life, I have not met a single person who was universally loved and respected by everyone. He sounded like Morgan Freeman, he looked like Ronald Reagan, he acted like Colin Powell, and he led like Jeff Bezos. Sometimes I wonder why God created Tom with perfection while everyone else has flaws and defects. Throughout the years in HP, I got to know Tom a bit more, and I learned that he was, in fact, very hands-on. He was part of the design team for several multi-million dollar deals, and he could go high at the executive level as well as go detailed at architectural and implementation level.

After forty-three years of a very successful career in IT, we celebrated his retirement. At his retirement party, he announced his plan to pursue his Ph.D. in computer science. I thought that was a crazy idea but at the same time, I was fascinated by his idea. So I decided to have a lunch with him.  I told him my perception of him; I believed he was born with so many natural talents that others did not have, so it is probably easier for him to be more successful than others. He smiled and said that everyone has talents, but not everyone uses their talents, and not everyone works hard to maximize their talents. Then I asked if he could only list one top quality that made him successful in IT for more than four decades, what would it be? He paused for a second and decisively said, “It is my desire and ability to learn continuously.” He continued, “Learning keeps you uncomfortable, but learning keeps you relevant, and learning keeps you safe”.

Tom earned his Ph.D. three years later. He has been my biggest inspiration in my career. Sometimes when I feel I am getting old or still, or I feel the subject is too hard to comprehend, I think about Tom and his life so I can draw inspiration and energy to overcome my uneasiness. He has had a very fulfilled and fabulous life, and he credited his success primarily to his continuous learning.  

He who stays near vermilion gets stained red; he who stays near ink gets stained black.

This is a Chinese proverb, it means one takes on the color of his company. 

Mencius or Mengzi was a Chinese philosopher who has often been described as the "second sage". There was a famous story about how Mencius's mother changed their residence three times in order to find a better influence on her son. As a widow, Mencius's mother lived with her little boy near a cemetery, and he was always playing at funerals. Mencius' mother was not pleased to see her son mimic the actions of those performing funeral rituals. Moving to a house near a marketplace, she found that the boy now began to play at buying and selling, and she was again not wholly satisfied when young Mencius would imitate the actions and words of those hawking goods.

Fearing the ill effect of these associations, she next sought shelter near a college. There the young philosopher began to imitate the ceremonial observances in which the students were instructed, to the great joy and satisfaction of his mother. As the students settled down to find contentment, the young Mencius intoned the lessons of teachers and followed their examples of a diligent study, and later he became one the greatest philosophers of all time.

One of my favorite quotes of all time is from Colin Powell. “The less you associate with some people, the more your life will improve. Any time you tolerate mediocrity in others, it increases your mediocrity. An important attribute of successful people is their impatience with negative thinking and negative acting people. As you grow, your associates will change. Some of your friends will not want you to go on. They will want you to stay where they are. Friends that don't help you climb will want you to crawl. Your friends will stretch your vision or choke your dream. Those that don't increase you will eventually decrease you.”

"If you run with wolves, you will learn how to howl, but if you associate with eagles, you will learn how to soar to great heights. A mirror reflects a man's face, but what he is really like is shown by the kinds of friends he chooses. The simple but true fact of life is that you become more like those with whom you closely associate, for the good and the bad."

I first truly understood this wisdom was when I was in the GM project working side-by-side with Terry White. I had never worked with anyone who could write a long and precise email to address a complex issue in just five minutes, as it would’ve taken me at least two hours. He was effective, precise and fast in handling any inquiries. He opened my eyes completely because I didn’t know anyone of his caliber. One of my favorite quotes from Terry was, “Always work closely with customers on key decisions. Even it is a wrong decision, you will be more forgiving.” I also observed his incredible integrity. He returned every promise he made, he always gave credits to wherever it belonged, and he treated everyone equally. Finally, he had incredibly high energy, he was always engaged, responsive, and driven.  He transformed me from a mediocre consultant to a distinguished systems engineer and a technical leader.  

Finally, an interesting observation from my friend who was a CTO at Sabre is about chemistry during the hiring process. He agreed that the best candidate would be someone with great integrity, competency, and energy. Integrity is hard to figure out during a one hour interview, but competency and energy can be observed. If qualification of the candidates is about same, he suggested that I look for chemistry. Over the years, I practiced this trick, which ended up being a very good suggestion.

In this result-oriented culture, the most important thing is to get things done. How things can be done and how quickly they can be done depends on how quickly you can get support from your key stakeholders. With people you have chemistry with, they know what you are trying to say before you open your mouth, so it can be an enlightening experience. With people you have no chemistry with, you explain a million times, and they either don’t get it or they are disagreeable all the time, so it can be a frustrating experience. 

What is Chemistry? Chinese has a unique explanation, “Drinking with a bosom buddy, a thousand shots are too few; Talking with an incompatible person, half a sentence is too many.

Upside of Leadership

In my early years of IT career, I wanted to become a tech lead because I admired my technical leaders and wished to be just like them. I was not very clear about the downside or upside of leadership. As I moved up, I realized that leadership is a complex issue, far more complicated than normally recognized. It is a constellation of behaviors and actions, each of which needs to be successfully exercised in various styles, at various times, in various settings, with various people, for various reasons, hoping for various outcomes.

On the positive side, I appreciate the fact that I have more control over decisions and even on my own destiny. I was opened up to more opportunities that I would never have been offered if I was not in a leadership role. I enjoyed the higher possibility of making an impact on something larger than myself. On the downside, as I moved up, I have had less and less time for myself because I have more responsibilities. I had to deal with conflicts much more with bigger consequences. Lastly, I had to deal with more politics, egos, and shades of gray that took a lot of my brainpower.

As a female minority, I struggled over the years either moving up as a leader or staying as an individual performer. That was until I met with my friend’s husband David, who brought the clarity of leadership to me.

David was the senior fellow and VP of the Center for Creative Leadership. His conclusion was that successful leadership is chaotic. There are multiple forces working on the leader: critical decisions that need to be made in the face of insufficient data, different groups of subordinates pulling you in different directions, a schedule that is too short and a budget that is too low, and immediate issues that have to be dealt with while at the same time planning where your organization should be one, three or five years from now, and blanketing it all is generally a sense of relentless urgency.

He said a CEO of a large manufacturing corporation put it succinctly, “In my job, I am dealing with a series of time bombs with burning fuses of different lengths, my constant attention has to be on which fuse to snuff out next.” 

There are many somber, serious and somewhat heavy observations about leadership. Now given all the incessant challenges, so why are people attracted to leadership roles? What is the upside? What are the pleasant, enjoyable, even thrilling aspects of being in charge?

 Here are David’s top 10 reasons for wanting to be a leader:

1. Achievement – a sense of making a difference, of having a purpose in life larger than one’s self
2. Recognition – the feeling of being appreciated, earning informal and formal awards
3. Power – a belief in yourself, knowing that you have control over not only your own destiny but of your surrounding environment
4. Pleasure – generally enjoy the visibility and activities of leadership
5. Useful friends and peers groups – leaders tend to cluster together in ways that create friend networks such as clubs, boards, elite associations and affinity groups. When birds of a feather flock together, the birds are usually happier
6. Travel – a great catalyst for expanding future opportunities
7. Money – when the leadership is in arenas where finances are involved, leaders usually fare well
8. The pleasure of serving others – when you can give, the giver is happier than the receiver
9. Creation of a legacy – a high standard of leadership
10. Pleasing your parents – the inescapable reality is that no matter how high we have risen, or how much we have accumulated, or how much better we have made the world, we are always looking back over our shoulder, seeking approbation from our parents. Once when President Lyndon Johnson received a flattering introduction in front of a prestigious audience that he was about to address, he said: “I wish my parents had been here to hear that introduction. My father would have been amused, and my mother would have believed it.”

To me, impacts, opportunities, achievements, and pleasing my parents are my top reasons.

Final thoughts

I always consider myself with an average IQ/EQ. But I was lucky to have a wise mother who taught me from very young age to respect elders. Mom always said, there are three types of people: Type 1: make mistakes but never learn; Type 2: make mistakes but learn from one’s own mistakes; Type 3: make fewer mistakes by learning from others’ mistakes. Type 3 people are much more productive in their life, and the best way to learn is to learn from elders. Listen to your elders’ advice, not because they are always right but because they have more experiences of being wrong. Therefore I highly value my elders’ experiences and wisdom. 

But is experience and wisdom valued in our industries? The reality is that our industries favor the youth over the elders. If you look at the media and entertainment industry, more celebrities become famous as teenagers. Sports are the same that star athletes become famous before their twenties. When it comes to the technology sector, experts say if you're over forty, you're pretty much over the hill. If you look at the hiring practices at some of the Silicon Valley’s hottest Internet and social networking companies, it's hard to overlook the cold hard reality that age discrimination is prevalent. If you are over fifty, some stereotypical assumptions about older workers exist, such as that the relevance and currency of your skills may not be up to par with those of younger employees; the level of compensation for older people is typically higher than salaries younger people seek; their behaviors and attitudes might become rigid and narrow-minded with age; and their energy levels are presumed to be less than that of a twenty-five-years-old. While none of these generalizations are necessarily true for any older candidate, each is a stereotypical assumption about older workers. They are all logical reasons for an employer to fire, or not hire an older candidate.

I am not writing this article to address this complex issue, I am writing this article to articulate the benefits I gained from older people as an individual, so I hope industries can figure out ways to monetize older workers’ experience, talents, and wisdom.

Unlike any other bias and discrimination against people with a different race, gender or religious belief, one day we all will be forty, then fifty, then sixty, so it is everyone’s problem sooner or later. Respect your elders, and learn from the people who have walked the path before you, because someday, sooner than you could ever imagine, you are going to be old too. 

If you are working on your new year’s resolution, I suggest you talk to an older person in your circle whom you respect; you will be amazed that your appreciation for elders will bring much good fortune to your life.

Happy New Year! I wish you stronger, happier and wiser in 2018.