Okay -- Who's Going to Remember Us and for What??
You are taking your new Maserati thru it's paces on a Swiss mountain road You lose control on the ice and, suddenly, you + your Maserati disappear over a 12000 ft. cliff!
Or, you are leaving a party and walk in front of a speeding "18 wheeler"!! Or, Old Age simply catches up with you! Sadly, you are DEAD! (I will respect your beliefs on what happens next.) The one thing certain about life, is that we all have unknown expiration dates. So, who is going to remember us --- and for what? What will we leave and will it be worthwhile to worthwhile people?
Like most things, we'd better define who would be the "worthwhile people" that we care about? In far too many cases, the list may include a drunken drinking partner, drug dealer, crooked politician, series of past lovers and other people who should either be non-existent in our lives or on the periphery! No -- we would hope that the list of worthwhile people would include people whom we love or, those we are friendly with, and/or respect. They should be people who are important to us and to others, regardless of differing opinions. Basically, worthwhile people should be people of mutual respect & caring, Hopefully, this list will include family, business associates, neighbors, customers/clients and others who are important to our daily existence.
Why am I discussing this? Recently, I lost a very close friend of many years. (actually, he was one of several over the past few years) This has caused me to focus on who we really are -- and how we will someday be remembered. When you place things in context, you begin to understand that whether in business or our personal lives --- BEING A BETTER PERSON AND BEING REMEMBERED AS A GOOD WORTHWHILE PERSON --- IS OUR FINAL GRADE! Whether we have achieved wealth, power or fame is not the relevant issue. Did we achieve it as a person who will be remembered with RESPECT? Will we be remembered as someone who tried to show empathy to ALL others, regardless of wealth, power or fame -- or will we be remembered as someone who cared only about "what's in it for me"?
As I have matured, I find myself gravitating towards people who really live by the philosophy of treating others as they wish to be treated. (It is somewhat ironic that I started life seeing that "beauty of soul" in my Grandmother, but I strayed away from that level of goodness towards others during my beginning years in business). It is revealing that most of the "Golden Rule People" with whom I have bonded during my lifetime have ended up reaching their lifetime goals, whether thru business success, family success, community success or achievement of "total happiness". They cared about others and were loved and respected by others. They didn't all have the same style. Actually, they were different in personality & objectives -- but among their common traits was that all displayed EMPATHY! For example, my friend, Ken, was Loud, but Funny, Loyal & Caring. Another friend, Phil, was Boisterous, Tenacious, Competitive and super Empathetic. They both left lots of friends. Conversely, I have worked with others who were driven and intelligent -- but totally egocentric and manipulative. These people acquired a lot of "play things" -- however, they did not leave many people who miss them.
However, my friend Jay, a picture of health & happiness, recently left us due to an unexpected blood clot to the heart -- he was the "total package". He was a person who achieved nearly every goal he set for himself -- while leaving a vast number of people who loved & respected him. These include family, friends, neighbors, business associates and others involved in community activities. WHY? --- because Jay treated others the way he expected to be treated ---and that was a really high standard!
As I consider the traits of Ken, Phil & Jay, there were additional common denominators, beyond their empathy. All three had a tremendous level of curiosity and enthusiasm for new adventures. This led each of them to a love of travel & learning. Since there was a lot of commonality among these three super people, let's use Jay as our example. As my wife & I sat at this long time friend's Memorial Celebration and listened to his story -- it was obvious that Jay was a talented student of Marketing --- which was a vehicle to his high level of success. He had been a fine athlete as both a football player & hockey player -- which allowed him to bond with those who loved sports. Jay had an active interest in politics & economics -- which gave him access to the minds, opinions & emotions of a number of people who shared his interests. He was a strong & involved family man -- which allowed him to develop 2 very productive, solid & successful children, as well as a number of successful, kind and well-liked grandchildren. He loved and enjoyed the reciprocal love of his cherished wife, since their early 20's. He enjoyed a terrific career with an international company, but later had the drive, focus & talent to start his own business -- and lead it to a high level of success. When faced with challenges, Jay would stay focused, remain quiet, not do the "woe is me thing" to others -- and handle the issue. He found comfort in his God and became active in his church. Thru his love of sports, he became a leader in his local booster club. When his wife suffered a serious illness, Jay diverted his attention to helping her recover. During all of these "life stages", he retained his empathy for others as well as his wry sense of humor -- which he & I shared almost weekly. Although able to charm a crowd from a podium, Jay was never obtrusive. In fact, in a crowd, he was the quiet, observant person who learned about others through watching & listening, while being the consummate gentleman.
Jay had high expectations for himself -- and expected the same from others. He did not take advantage of others -- treating all with respect. Accordingly, he expected the same treatment from others. The only times I ever saw him upset were a couple occasions when someone did not treat him in the same expected manner and tried to take advantage of him. Jay, the same as Ken & Phil, held strong convictions and strong philosophical positions. I had many debates with each of them on subjects ranging from business strategies to politics & religion -- but, in all three cases we could argue ardently, but understand that our differences of opinion did not make the other person bad or stupid. We respected our differences, had a drink and went on with our friendships. Actually, we enjoyed that process! None of our debates EVER disintegrated into personal attacks. We respected and cared about each other.
As I think about Jay, Phil & Ken, I appreciate what worthwhile, meaningful people they were. To be remembered by family, friends, business associates, neighbors, customer/clients --- even those we don't really know personally, as a person of:
EMPATHY - DECENCY - ACHIEVEMENT - CURIOSITY - ENTHUSIASM - KNOWLEDGE - A NON ELITIST ATTITUDE --------
------- this is being remembered as WORTHWHILE! Even better, being known for these attributes, while raising a family who perpetuates these character traits --------that is achieving an A+ for a Final Grade of our lives!!
Thanks to Ken, Phil & Jay for showing us the answer to being remembered by Worthwhile People. It's simple --- BE WORTHWHILE OURSELVES! Let's make certain we are working on this goal, TODAY!
Richard Everett