It Is Okay to Say No

“Boundaries protect our time and energy, allowing us to focus on what truly matters.” – Greg McKeown

A common issue plaguing so many is setting boundaries. Having clear boundaries around your time, physical body, commitments at work, activities at home, and the time you spend with others, is crucial for maintaining inner calm and wellbeing.?

• Do you feel resentful being pressured to spend time on work projects, for which you are uncompensated, outside of work hours?
• Do you feel anxious or uneasy when family, friends, and loved ones insist that you participate in activities that you do not want to do or to make commitments that you do not have time or interest in doing?
• Do you feel exhausted all the time caring for too many people and their demands, while ignoring your own needs??

If your response is “yes”, you may need to consider setting appropriate boundaries around your time, your work demands, your physical and mental health, and your spiritual growth.?

Guarding your inner peace and a calm mind is the most important skill you may ever learn. Boundary setting is your armor. This skill will allow you to get through anything that is going on in your life, protecting your inner spirit from being diminished or pulled into the raging storms in life that surround you.?

Many have come from a background of trauma, control, or dysfunctional family dynamics, with boundary setting being something to be feared. Boundary setting is not something you may have been taught. If you have come from a trauma background, you are already familiar with being told what to do, ignoring your feelings, and fearing retribution for saying no. You can learn how to change that narrative.?

How do I set boundaries without having people be upset with me?

The truth is, people in your life who are pressuring you, gaslighting you, and manipulating you for their own desires, while not giving you anything (or too little), will be upset with you. They have so far been able to manipulate your time, money, and emotions. People who truly love you, will adapt to what YOU need, while the rest will likely move on or resent you standing up for yourself. ?

Setting clear boundaries attracts healthier relationships and repels unhealthy ones.?

Boundaries involve making very clear, what you want, what you are willing to do, and not do. Clear boundaries are direct, can be flexible to a limit, and adaptable with every situation. Less is more in boundary setting. Declarations, not explanations are more powerful. ?

Setting boundaries when feeling resentful or angry is counterproductive. Boundary setting is best managed when your feelings have become calm. You may need to practice what you plan to say beforehand, to build your confidence.?

Setting boundaries on your time is vital to your wellbeing. By going along with pressure from others to please them, you surrender your will and freedom to the will of another, who likely does not have your best interest in mind. This can quickly lead to being abused.

When you feel uneasy about something you are asked to do, you can simply say, “I will get back to you on that”. You could also say, “no, thank you” from the start, if you know that you do not want to do what you are being asked to do or you simply do not have adequate time in your schedule to over commit. Pay attention to your instincts and feelings. They will let you know if something is not right for you.?

It is important to make time every day to be still, to connect with yourself, to reflect, and focus on your personal growth. Make clear boundaries surrounding your need for time to work on your personal growth daily.?

As a suggestion, you can awaken an hour earlier and go to bed sooner, to more easily spend a quiet hour creating a state of calm, meditating, and re-evaluating your life.

If getting up earlier does not work within your schedule demands, carve out an hour in the day at another time and let everyone know that during that time, you are not to be disturbed.? If that hour needs to be in 30 minute sessions instead, do what works for you.?

If your schedule is overly crowded, evaluate your schedule carefully,? letting go of activities or commitments that are not essential or helpful for your personal wellbeing.?

Silence your phone and do not respond to texts during your personal quality time, so you can focus on inner calm and a peaceful mind without disruption. ?

As you make time for yourself to reconnect with your inner spirit, it becomes much easier to set limits with others. What you need and want to do with your life will become more clear to you, allowing you more ease in setting boundaries.?

It is really okay to just say no, to allow time for what truly matters.?

Resources and Support

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