It Is Okay To Not Be Okay

Anecdotally, I see a lot of people (myself included) are starting to feel near their limits, like the electrocuted dog in the learned helplessness experiments, who after a while just lies down and whimpers while taking the uncontrollable random shocks.

It is worth keeping in mind that we have all lived through 1 year of fear, heartache, loss, and uncertainty. And while vaccination gives a lot of hope, nobody knows when it will be over, we only know it won't be soon.

We have watched a year of escalating far-right, far white, and police violence, both in the world's most powerful nation that we all unfortunately must watch due to their outsized global power, and also in many European countries.

Many of us and those around us, especially those who were already most vulnerable, have struggled financially due to mass layoffs, and as companies are necessarily closed due to the unnecessary lack of support.

Many of us are stuck between impossible choices like sending children to school for their daily super-spreader events, putting them, ourselves, and our vulnerable friends and relatives in danger, or keeping children home without the space, resources, time, and competence to be a full-time teaching professional at the same time as our job.

Or between staying home to protect those we care about and help reduce the contacts that are keeping this spreading and people dying, or going to offices and customers because if not we might be fired or not reach targets and thus be in an even more precarious position.

Or between staying lonely at home, or following irresponsible leaders' guidance to hold Christmas events (part of their racist culture warfare against our most vulnerable which has led to our current situation) and at least ease some of the psychic suffering for ourselves and our even more vulnerable elders.

Many of us lucky enough to still have jobs, and especially remote jobs, are spending longer less structured hours sitting in front of screens. Where we expected to be as productive as usual, as if the world around us does not effect us. Where we are expected to smile and laugh and not bring the mood down.

We have to listen to the daily lies and murderous incompetence from our governments, knowing that this problem was already solved more than 6 months ago for much of the rest of the world, and knowing there is little we can do about the completely avoidable and overwhelming suffering all around us.

It is okay to not be okay.

It is okay to let them see you sweat.

Almost nobody we know is fine, and that is normal.

We are all running out of spoons.

What we can do is have compassion for ourselves and those around us.

What we can do is try to help in any small ways.

What we can do is not turn away from the signs from those we see, and to provide a friendly open ear, and not expect our colleagues and clients, friends and family, to be anywhere near at 100%.

What we can do is try to be more honest with ourselves, and with those around us.

What we can do is stop pretending we are okay, stop pretending we should be okay.

What we can do is stop shaming ourselves and those around us for not being unfeeling indefatigable machines.

What we can do is lower our productivity expectations for ourselves and others, and collectively push back on managers who pretend we should not have other things going on in our lives.

We can allow ourselves the time and self-care activities needed to maintain a semblance of sanity.

And we can try to believe that this too will pass.