"Oh, to be Young, Gifted, and Black: Lessons Learned in my 1st Year as a Student Affairs Professional"

This post isn't going to mean something to everyone who may choose to read it and that is quite alright. This post has nothing to do with student development theory and is not a properly formatted piece to be published in the Chronicle, or any other higher ed journal. This is merely a collection of thoughts and lessons learned that I, personally, would have loved to receive during my time in graduate school before I entered my professional position. This is a reflection of the first year out of graduate school in the field of Student Affairs/ Higher Education as a new professional, from the perspective of a young, Black man.

I graduated from Western Carolina University in the spring of 2013 with a B.S. in Political Science and Leadership minor. Apparently, like most "Gladiators in Polo's" (Student Affairs Professionals) I stumbled into this career field. That same summer I packed up my life, left North Carolina, and moved to Russellville, Arkansas. For the next two years, Arkansas Tech University would be home with the goal of earning my Masters Degree in College Student Personnel while being a full time Residence Director. That journey is another post for another day. In January of 2015 I secured a job early, before completing my course work, and was hired as the Assistant Director for Multicultural Affairs at Ithaca College. The rest of that semester was spent finishing up my graduate work in Arkansas, bringing my work at ATU to a close, and preparing for the transition. On May 12th, 2015, I packed up my Chevy Impala, a.k.a Scarlet, and made a 21 hour-straight drive across the country to my new home. May 18th, 2015 was my first official day of work.

As I roughly began to navigate through this new space and institution, I made it my goal to document the hard learned lessons in hopes of continuing my own development as a professional, and being able to share that information with someone else . It has been one hell of a year and it's one that I would never take back. Through the many mistakes, tears, frustrations, laughs, cheers, successes, and failures, here are a few things I’ve learned:

• Be You. Be 100%, Securely, Unapologetically You-My skin tone glows graciously, gallantly, and glamorously with melanin; magnificent. My high bald fade and Nudred Sponge enforce a laissez-faire control over black and blonde curls. Since my body's a temple my many tattoos are the stained glassed windows that offer a peek into my soul for your viewing pleasure. Ears pierced, 5 times total because that's how I like them. In this 1st year I struggled with the concept of "professionalism" as it pertains to personal appearance. Personally, I view the concept as another built on the structure of whiteness that perpetuates those ideologies through microaggressive behaviors and internalized white supremacy. While I do agree that image and 1st impressions are important, I don't believe we should limit individuality by using a "1 size fits all" approach. A few months into my position I cut my hair off and reverted back to (Beyonce voice) a low cut-caesar with the deep waves. Comments from faculty and staff included how much more professional I looked. Some said they took me more seriously and I looked like I really meant business now. I even heard how my previous curls were "playful" and "kinky" as if my hair was "professional 4-play." Intent vs. Impact. I know they meant well and believed they were delivering compliments on a new haircut but behind each smile and "thank you" I reciprocated, there were rolling thunders and cries inside. What I was hearing was that my hair doing its natural thing wasn't acceptable in the arena of "professionalism." What I was hearing was that the $22.00 I spent on a weekly basis at the barber shop was just a monthly investment of almost $100.00 wasted. I'm a well groomed, well dressed professional. But even at my best, I'm still not enough in this space because my hair defies your norms of the "acceptable negro" in the workplace? Did you even see these floral velvet loafers with the matching flower lapel? As one Ithaca College student described it to me, a revolution happened inside me as a staff member at this PWI. I was hired to do a job and make contributions to this marketplace of ideas we call a college community. You saw what I looked like before you made the job offer and Google will direct you to all my social media accounts. You hired me. In order to do my job, I need to operate and navigate through this space free of imposing norms that don't align with the multiplicity of my identity. I'm entitled to the natural liberty of being my authentic self in this space. To thy own self be true, 100% of every time. Sure, being flexible and able to adjust is a great skill set but you shouldn't have to compromise any part of yourself to be accepted.

• Make Them Put Some Respeck on Your Name- Never, ever, let anyone refer to you as anything other than your name and title. You are not your predecessor and people referring to you as "The New (Insert previous professional's name here)" is not acceptable. Yes, you can say I'm the new assistant director, but you won't call me a new version of my predecessor and dismiss my individuality, personality, and humanity. Also, correct folks who mispronounce your name. No slips or letting them slide that one time. Destroy that behavior before it settles in. I never understood how people could say things like "Jean Claude Van Damme" and "Schwarzenegger" but continuously failed at my 5 letter first name or at any name considered “ethnic.”. As a Black man I had my own internal battle for years over my name. Why didn't my parents just name me something simple and easy. I even felt that my name put me at a disadvantage in the public eye of my student involvement and in the eyes of my instructors. In my sophomore year of college I had a professor who openly refused to say my name because it was "too difficult" and simply pointed at me or said "you" for the rest of the semester when it was time for class discussions. You deserve to have your name pronounced correctly. Whether it's a student, co-worker, supervisor, senior administrator, or the board of trustees. Demand that respeck! You’ve earned that much!

• Be Intentional in Forming your Safety Net/ Support Network- As a Black professional I have often found myself in conversations about race with colleagues and have had my very real experiences invalidated. I’m not saying don’t hang out with white co-workers. I love my team and the work we do. I’m saying I’m being more careful about experiences I share and who I share them with. Intimate settings that may seem like a green light to unload and share can sometimes turn around and bite you square in the ass. Everyone can’t be everything to and for you. Go out and find those spaces in which you can vent and let it out. Many institutions or communities have professional networks for local professionals of color. Join!

• Beware of the “Nigga-Moments”- In his book, “The Cosmopolitan Canopy” Dr Elijah Anderson writes about the urban island of civility that exists amidst the ghettos, suburbs, and ethnic enclaves where segregation is the norm. Under the cosmopolitan canopy, diverse peoples come together, and for the most part practice getting along. However, incidents can arise that threaten and rend the canopy, including scenes of tension involving borders of race, class, sexual preference, and gender. But when they do, the resilience of the canopy most often prevails. I took a group of students to the Black Solidarity Conference at Yale University this year and had the opportunity to hear Dr. Anderson breakdown the concept of the “nigga moment.” In this canopy of life and diversity, no matter how many accolades you earn, titles and prefixes attached to your name, status, wealth, or success, at any given moment something can happen in which you can be reduced and degraded solely based on your racial identity. I traveled to Montreal, Quebec in Canada as a conference presenter at ACPA International 2016. For weeks I wrestled with what I would wear outside of the conference sessions because I know there is a difference in how I experience the world, and how the world experiences me. Adorned in my finest snapback, crewneck sweatshirt, joggers, and Jordans, I crossed the Canadian border in a college car along with my fraternity brother. I greeted the border patrol officer with a happy and affectionate “Wassup man! How’s it going?!” He proceeded to question me over and over and I noticed my car had been stopped longer than those before me. After presented my identification, conference proposal and acceptance letter, conference and hotel registration, and the content of my presentation, he asked “What is your highest level of education?” My father taught me at an early age how to interact with law enforcement as a Black man. No matter how humiliating, you go through it. “My brother here is finishing his Masters degree and I already have mine.” The Border patrol person then says “Hmm. Well if you have a Master’s degree then what in the world would possess you to pull up here and say “what’s up man” to me?” Flabbergasted, shocked, angered and ready snatch this fool out of that little booth, I simply replied “ummmmm...excuse me? What is it I’m supposed to say?” He replies with “I don’t know, you have a Masters degree. Why wouldn’t you talk like it and say hello or hey.” My fraternity brother and I spent the next few hours in the border patrol station defending our humanity and proving we were college graduates, have no criminal records, and were actually heading to a conference. After speaking with other professionals of color at the conference, I became overwhelmed by their experiences with “The Nigga Moment” and the battles they continue to fight as 20 and 30 year vets with PhDs and power. I was broken and emotionally damaged. Not because this was my first racially charged incident with law enforcement, but because unconsciously, a part of me felt  that in all of my hard work and education, these experiences would somehow stop; like the happy ending of a Disney movie.

• Learn From Those Around You- Kevin Solomon, a Student Affairs vet at Arkansas Tech University taught me to take value in the lessons you learn from observing and working with others. Even if that lesson is what type of professional you don't want to be in this work. In the first year, you are going to meet so many colleagues, students, and community members. Listening will be the greatest thing you can do in those moments. Everyone has something to offer you as you develop and grow, whether they know it or not.

• Accept It; You Are Going to Fail at Some Point- If I had a dollar for every mistake I've made in my position during "year one" I'd probably be able to afford my student loan debt repayment. I had to realize that in my efforts to outrun failure in my race to success I was only setting up higher hurdles to be jumped. I believe, as millennials, we have been conditioned to refuse rejection and failure. We've been socialized to live life like the scene in The Lion King in which Mufasa shows Simba their kingdom. Everything the light touches is where we strive to be but that shadowy place is perceived to be beyond our borders and we feel we can never go there! In my opinion, there is something very valuable and humanizing about failure. Failure builds character and obstacles give life meaning. Any Batman fans reading this piece will appreciate this next part. Before Bruce Wayne scrambled the rooftops of Gotham as a feared legend, whooping ass left and right, he was just an aspiring hero in training. Consider the years in your graduate program your "League of Shadows" training. Your courses, your assistantship, your internships, and all related work is your training ground. Now, consider your 1st year as a professional "Batman: Year One." Batman was still designing the right costume, not landing his jumps from rooftop to rooftop, getting his butt kicked by low-level alley thugs, and didn't even have the Batmobile yet. The training, knowledge, and capability were there, but the practical application was a process to master. The mistakes are inevitable. As a person of color that pressure to succeed in professional settings can be a heavier burden than the average shoulders take on. Those shoulders are often jacked from years of holding up that pressure. (Papa Pope Voice) "You've got to be twice as good to get half of what they got!" So often in professional spaces, when people of color makes a mistake, competence is devalued and in some way, shape or form, inherently attributed to their race. So what do you do? I've learned there is how you experience the world, and how the world experiences you. I've heard Christians talk about having the serenity to accept the things they cannot change. I began to take some of that pressure off of my shoulders by seeing the mistakes of others to humanize the moment and utilizing my support systems that included professionals of color to coach me through handling the failure, as a Black man in higher ed. Failure will occur at some point during this first year. The point is to accept accountability and value the lesson learned. They hired you! Unless you misplaced $30,000.00 of department funds, chances are you won't be fired. Yes, I've misspelled words on documents, missed deadlines on a project or two, lost a receipt when I used my college-issued credit card, and coordinated programs that were an absolute fail. Yes, I cried, punched my desk while shouting some of my favorite profanities, and arrived at "I can't do this" and "they go' fire me..." on several occasions. I found that I was typically overreacting to the situation. Fail. But fail forward and spring back up.

• Go home when the work day is done. You are always going to have work on your plate and it will be there. You need to begin to master that whole "work life balance" everyone always talks about. Go home. Just...go....home. It’s important to have something outside of work that connects you to the world. Hiking, PS4, shopping, traveling, arts and crafts, volunteering, the gym, or anything that has nothing to do with your job.

• Self Care should be a priority, never an afterthought. My friend and fellow student affairs professional, Demetrice Baskerville, taught me in grad school that "You can only be as good to others as you are to yourself." I can't give this student my all in this 1:1 meeting if I'm running off of 2 hours of sleep because I stayed late, came in early, and I'm extremely overwhelmed and doing nothing about my own sanity.

• Be transparent with your students.

• Comparison is the 1st cousin of misery. Comparing yourself to other professionals will always leave you coming up short. Your supervisor and the ACPA/NASPA Professional Competencies should be the primary sources you check to begin evaluating your work and performance.If you must compare, compare yourself to your most authentic self and you will always win.
• Calm Down. Every mistake made is not like Homer Simpson causing a nuclear meltdown in Springfield. Cool it. Own the mistake and focus on the learning opportunity.
• Listen. Process. Act. In that order.
• It shouldn't be about how you look, but how you present yourself.
• Be intentional, direct, and clear in your feedback and questions.
• Organize the method to your madness that allows you to do your work. Document your work and the processes. You won't be in this position forever and you need to leave a "how-to" for the next person. Set them up for success.
• Situations and moments will come along that will shape us, mold us, and redefine our purpose. These moments won't always be enjoyable but they will benefit you.
• Take the time to learn the institutional context, processes, and policies. Accept that it may mean making mistakes to get there.
• In your position, eventually action and responsibility must trump uncertainty and fear. You were hired for a reason and there is work to be done.
• Seek out other professionals that will challenge, support, and invest in you.
• Be confident in the things you know and understand and be brave enough to admit what you don't know.
• Take full advantages of the opportunities that will solidify your growth as a professional.
• Take time off. You get time away for a reason. Manage your personal, sick, and vacation days well. All of it doesn't roll over.
• You don't have to show up to every situation, debate, or conversation that you are invited to. I’m a support specialist, practitioner, and educator in diversity by occupation. I work with students. It’s not my job to educate anyone on my own time simply because I'm a person of color. It’s called Google. My Wal-Mart time is my time and anything outside of my job description is done by choice. Pick and choose your battles. Every situation doesn’t require a reaction from you. Preserve your own sanity and peace.
• Prioritize progress vs. Prioritizing easy when you make your task list. What things are going to challenge and progress you today?
• Watch your mouth and how much you disclose in any setting. Everyone doesn't need to know everything.
• Know your limits before you are hanging off the edge screaming for help. Learn to say no. It takes practice. It's not about being selfish or selfless; it's about self preservation. It’s healthy to say no. If you keep saying yes each and every time people will pile your plate beyond what you can chew and digest
• Upper administration are not level 100 Pokemon or Super Saiyans. They are still humans and are supposed to be on your team. Treat them with respect but never operate in fear. Stand up for yourself and your work. Challenge the process when you need to. 
• There are parts of the job that you won't love but they still require your attention, care and 100% of your effort.
• Give yourself time and space to grow. Success is a process, not a contest.
• It’s OK to walk away- Your values change over time. It’s OK to walk away from a job that doesn’t align with your values. You have to be honest with yourself. Sometimes it takes a bad experience to realize what you truly want and value. But before you walk away, make sure that you have actually given it a chance. 1 year-18 months is my rule. Give yourself that amount of time in the position and be fully invested because it takes that long to get the full scope of job and institution.

Lessons Not Related to Work

• A Buddhist lesson; "Attachment is the key to all suffering." Learn to live, love, and let go to overcome unnecessary pain and suffering. Have the courage to walk away from things that no longer benefit you, grow you, or challenge you. Former romantic relationships, friendships, organizations, and anything else that may apply. This is a really awkward time for you as well as your friends and former classmates. Everyone is getting married, having children, starting their careers, and finding out who they are just like you. It’s ok to allow relationships to change.
• Find Peace- Prioritize peace and allow everything to fall into place vs. trying to get everything to fall into place in order to find your peace.
• Give it time- I came to New York with an air mattress, my clothes, a bottle of whiskey, and a box of Hotpockets with about 12days left until I would recieve my 1st paycheck. It was rough. It took all 12 months for me to truly get settled in and furnish my place. Luckily, I had great folks looking out for me who provided gifts like pots, pans, free meals, and told me where to find the best deals.
• City with a college vs. College Town- Research the town/ city. Does it have what you need to be comfortable and satisfied outside of work. You have to actually live there and engage with the community at some point. Is there a barbershop that actually cuts YOUR hair? Are there social scenes that accommodate your culture identity? Are there places you can go and cut loose without running into students?
• Start Saving Money- If you haven’t already, open a savings account. Talk to HR and have a set amount of money automatically coming out of your check and into that account each pay period. Set yourself up. Even $60.00 on a biweekly pay schedule can yield $1,440,00 at the end of the year.

I look forward to writing the next chapter of my life over this next year in Ithaca. Congrats to the new professionals. Success is a process, never a contest.