Oh, the irony of the coronavirus!
Covid19 has been really tough for me. Not being able to touch the people that I love or be close to them in the same physical space has been really hard on my body. I love to kiss people and hold them with all of my strength.
We are made to be close to each other. It keeps us healthy and strong. It makes us feel good. And when we feel good, we act better. When we act better, the people around us respond in kind. When the people around us feel good and do good things, life is so pleasurable. And runs so smoothly! When we don't have the stimulation of physical contact, we compromise our immune system.
Atanael, Marcelo, Francisco, Ruben, and Constantine have been 5 of the most important (non-family member) men in my life. At a time when the people that I thought loved me were breaking my heart, they picked me up and healed me. They were supportive and encouraging. They were generous and affectionate. They took care of me in an emotional and physical way by being spiritually peaceful around me. I want the world to know that my book is published because of all the different things that they gave me.
Atanael, you are so passionate. Your unselfish willingness and interest in giving people whatever they need, whenever they need it, never dies. You have an amazingly abundant supply. And I absolutely trust that your intense affection for me is genuinely from your heart. That always gave me the energy that I needed to get out of bed when I felt scared.
Marcelo, you are very profound. I have always admired your ability to only say things that are meaningful and authentic. Even though you are private and discreet, you are always willing to open up in a personal way when you know someone needs your strength, because it's only when we're vulnerable that we are truly strong. You are the personification of that principle.
Francisco, you always work so hard to do the right thing. Even when it's like running, uphill, barefoot, in the snow for you. Your loyalty is fierce and your commitment is unbreaking. And even though you always try to do the right thing, you are still weird enough to be fun while you're doing it. And your heartfelt brotherly love for "the love of my life" is so important to him. When I see you make him smile with a text message, it touches my heart.
Ruben, I had no idea how much it meant to me that I'm personally important to you until I heard it in your voice. I always thought you were just someone I admired and respected and would go to when I needed to be upbuilt. And all I did was touch your hand to heal my heart that day. But my smile and softness being personally special to you makes me feel like I'm a valuable soul in the world. I always think about you when I feel insecure and lonely.
Constantine, it means so much to me that you're just as crazy as I am. And when you carried me back inside from having a seizure in the cold dark outside without being afraid of me meant everything to me. I was feeling rejected and judged and humiliated by a group of people that said they loved me, so I was so scared you would hate me. Not only did you take care of me when I was in danger, but you looked at me and smiled when you did.
I want to be with you, my brothers, and when I see you in a Zoom meeting, it's not really a consolation. It actually makes it harder for me. I don't know when we'll be together again.
But I want the people on this website who think I'm impressive to know something:
These are the 5 men who are a HUGE part of why my book is published. Emotional, mental, spiritual, and physical support are vital to our--and others'--success. Thank you, my brothers.