The "Oh ??" Cocktail: A Personal Reflection

This week's Success Simplified is an estimated 6-minute read.

Cheers!

A few weeks ago, I shared some of the recent life changes I’ve undergone this past summer. One of these changes is that Caitlyn, my best friend and roommate for the past 7 years, is moving to New York City.?

As her moving date quickly approaches, I’m reminded of the emotional rollercoaster ?? that accompanies significant life changes.?

Or, as I like to call it, "The 'Oh ??' Cocktail".

"The 'Oh ??' Cocktail": a blend of feelings consisting of Fear. Excitement. Gratefulness. Reflection. Guilt. Anxiety. Vulnerability.?

Its “buzz” lasts until the anticipated change officially occurs, and you eventually come to terms with your new reality.?

Typically, the “hangover” that follows is akin to an epiphany or moment of clarity, when you realize that time has run out and there’s nowhere else to run.

The only solution is to keep going.?

Currently, I’m in the thick of the “‘Oh ??’ Cocktail buzz”, with the imminent big change and inevitable hangover - Caitlyn’s move to NYC - scheduled for next Friday, August 4th.?

Let Me Explain...

One of the benefits of having a Newsletter like Success Simplified is that, in addition to unpacking my previous life lessons, I can also process new ones in real-time.?

With that in mind, this week’s post is a personal reflection on what I’m presently grappling with, how I’m handling it, and what I’ve recently learned about unexpected life changes.?

But first, to truly convey the impact of change I’m experiencing, I’ll start by sharing some additional context surrounding how Caitlyn and I met, as well as what’s prompting her significant move to NYC.?

Selecting a College Roommate = Platonic Online-Dating

Have you ever noticed how similar the process of selecting a college roommate is to online dating??

You join the Facebook group of strangers in your upcoming graduating class and begin to scroll through the “Introducing Me” posts to find someone who seems promising.??

Once you do, you write up a direct message or comment that essentially says:

“You seem like someone I’d probably like to keep around, want to start getting to know each other to see if this is gonna work?”?

This is exactly how Caitlyn and my story began.?

After finding each other on Bradley University ’s Roommate Finder Facebook Page, texting for a few weeks, and learning that had quite a bit in common, we decided to be roommates.?

We met for the first time in person at orientation and quickly realized that we were destined to be great friends.?

Two Peas in a Pod??♀?

Caitlyn and I were involved in similar activities throughout college while still having our own areas of interest to enjoy individually.?

We both started off as the same Music Business majors but eventually chose different paths after our first semester.?

I switched my major to Management & Leadership with a concentration in Human Resources, and she changed hers to Music Education.?

Looking back, it amazes me how quickly Caitlyn and I became inseparable.?

We were known on campus for always being side by side, and if we weren’t, people would ask: ‘Where’s the other one?”

New Beginnings: The Pandemic, Young Adulthood, and Middle-School

Our senior year was from 2019 to 2020, so the pandemic abruptly ended our collegiate journey together.?

Just when we thought that our time as roommates was over, Caitlyn got an interview to be the Middle School Music Teacher at the middle school that I attended.?

If she were to secure this job, there would be an uncomfortable amount of pictures showcasing middle-school Jules dancing and singing in show choir up on her classroom walls. “How crazy would that be”, we excitedly shared with one another in disbelief.?

It seemed a little too good to be true, but sure enough, she landed the job and made the move from a small town in Iowa to Indianapolis.?

The End of an Era

For the past two years, Caitlyn and I have cherished our time together as young adults who are navigating our careers, relationships, and life changes.

Caitlyn arrived in Indy and conquered just about everything that the state had to offer her, including revamping her school’s choral program, which earned several awards the school hadn’t seen in years.

Being the go-getter that she is, she decided it was time for a challenge. Not only that, but she was ready to live out her dream of being in NYC full-time.?

When she told me she was going to apply to grad school in New York, we both held our breath.

She was nervous to tell me, and I was in a state of shock mixed with feelings of pride, fear, excitement, and sadness.?

We quickly celebrated her decision to embark on this exciting new chapter of her life, even if it meant that, for the first time in seven years, we wouldn’t be in the same place at the same time.?

By spring, she was accepted into Teachers College, Columbia University 's Graduate Program with a concentration in Music Education. (Bolding for extra emphasis!!!)

Suddenly, a move-out deadline was set and I became acutely aware of how drastically my life is going to change as soon as she leaves.?

Two dorm rooms, one on-campus apartment, one off-campus house, one adult apartment, two states, and seven years later, our era as roommates has officially ended.?

Grief for the Living

Unexpected changes that weren’t anticipated can feel like mourning someone who is still alive.?

Whether you’ve parted ways with a significant other, job, or friend, the sudden change of course can be gut-wrenching.?

Moments like these introduce a brand new appreciation for the way that your life functioned before.?

Suddenly, you’re reminiscing, and the grass of your past has become pretty dang green.?

As soon as Caitlyn’s decision to move to NYC was finalized, I began over-analyzing how much of my life will change when she’s gone.

I had mixed feelings of regret for not spending more time with her and grief for the life that I currently know.?

However, clutching onto your old reality for dear life is problematic for a variety of reasons, something I’ve learned through self-reflection over the past several weeks leading up to this moment.?

The More We Focus on the Past:

1. The less forward-thinking we become.?
2. The more guilt and shame we feel about not taking advantage of the situation we had when we had it.?
3. The less present we are in our everyday.?

Looking back, I wish that I had focused on the excitement of this next chapter for BOTH of us.?

I was always thrilled for Caitlyn, but deep down, I was incredibly fearful for myself.?

Redefining Fear

I once read that a productive way of redirecting your anxious thoughts and feelings is to tell yourself that you’re not anxious, you’re just excited.

The nervousness you previously attributed to anxiety now originates from the adrenaline rush of eager anticipation.?

So, here’s my attempt to self-soothe.

Feel free to adapt these affirmations to your own life circumstances.?

?? I am not fearful of the change that is approaching; I am excited to explore the next chapter of my life.?

?? I am grateful for the life that I have been given; change is an inevitable part of my journey.?

?? Through this change, I will grow and learn more about myself than I would have staying stagnant.?

?? I am deciding that the next chapter of my life is going to bring joy, meaning, and growth.

I’ll be repeating these aloud every time I experience a moment of excitement (see what I did there?) over the next week and a half.

Thank You

If you’re experiencing a major life change like me, I see you and feel you.

It’s scary.

Remember that you’ve made it through to the other side before, and you’ll certainly do it again.

Because you and I are capable of anything.?

Thank you for making space to process with me this week.?

With gratitude,?

Jules

"How lucky am I to have something so special, that makes saying goodbye so hard." -?Winnie the Pooh

P.S. If you're an employer with job opportunities in New York, Caitlyn is open to exploring full-time remote or hybrid opportunities, as her classes at Columbia are at night. You can find her at Caitlyn DePriest on LinkedIn.

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