Often, following the winter, loneliness is a challenge

How to Deal with Loneliness

Loneliness is a feeling of emptiness inside you. You feel isolated or separated from the world, cut off from those you would like to have contact with. There are different kinds of loneliness and many different degrees of loneliness.

You might experience loneliness as a vague feeling that something is not right, a kind of minor emptiness. Something seems missing, yet you can't seem to identify what it might be. You lose sleep, concentration.  Or you might feel loneliness as a very intense deprivation and deep pain. The feelings of loneliness often leads to destructive thinking or actions. Sometimes you don't know why you do things, but it seems to do something even if it's radical.

One type of loneliness might be related to missing a specific individual because they have died or because they are so far away. The heart remembers what often we pretend or even believe is forgotten. It's a feeling of brokenness. Unfinished business.

Sometimes, it might involve feeling alone and out of contact with people because you are actually physically isolated from people like you might be. This is often the case in caregivers. There's little time to oneself. All the tasks fall to you. There's resentment, denial and perhaps, even some guilt. These are normal emotions, but it helps when you have someone to share the challenges with. Close friends and/or family sometimes cannot give relief, for their emotions are equally involved.

Some people, particularly those suffering from depression or social anxiety feel emotionally isolated when they are surrounded by people but are having difficulty reaching out to them. Asking for something you need, but cannot understand came seem an impossible endeavor.

Loneliness and just being alone are not necessarily the same.  It needs to be pointed out here that loneliness is not the same as being alone. A person will always have time when they chose to be alone. Rather, loneliness is the feeling of being alone and feeling sad about it. And, of course, all of us feel lonely some of the time. It is only when we seem trapped in our loneliness that it becomes a real problem.

Do we contribute to our own sense of loneliness?

Loneliness is a passive state. That is, it is maintained by our passively letting it continue and doing nothing to change it. We hope it will go away, yet we do nothing but let it envelop us. Strangely, there are times when we might even embrace the feeling. Embracing loneliness and allowing oneself to sink down into the feelings associated with it often leads to a sense of depression and helplessness, which, in turn, leads to an even more passive state and more depression.

Many people don't understand the need or the relief in finding a Coach or a mentor. Many do not believe in therapy-or feel that needing some is a sign of weakness and this brings fear.

Professionals help individuals to find ways to change these feelings of loneliness They may teach one how to recognize the lonely feelings and express them. Again, often there is denial.  In order to stop feeling lonely, we first must accept the feeling: lonely. Sometimes admitting that to ourselves is difficult. We then have to express those feelings of loneliness in some way.

Experts suggest that one might find themselves writing in a diary, drawing or painting a picture, making up a song, or doing anything else that lets us begin to express the feelings we have inside us—including talking with other people! Expressing our feelings might lead us to discover that we feel a number of things which might be connected to our feelings of loneliness, including sadness, anger, and frustration. We might be able to begin to see where these feelings are coming from—what they are connected to in our lives.

One immediate action that can be taken is to become more active. Get involved in activities or clubs because getting involved in some sort of activity or club can accomplish several things. It can take our minds off of feeling lonely as we get involved in the enjoyable activity. It can actually change our mood. It can give us opportunities to meet people with similar interests and practice our people-meeting skills. It can provide some structure in our lives so that we have things to look forward to, remind us of how good we might have felt doing similar things in the past. Most importantly is to refuse to sink into passive acceptance. What we do not acknowledge, we cannot fix or change.

Any effects by changing one's perspective might come quickly and sometimes the feeling must root and grow till it becomes a part of our conscious lives. It's okay if one really might need to push themselves to go to meetings or talk to people. Try to attend several activities before you begin to feel comfortable and begin to see progress. Avoid trying to join a club or activity or to develop a new interest just because one thinks it will make us a better or more interesting person. Be cautious in self criticism-this may only be a challenge you are going through, not an intended lifestyle. We write the story of our lives, but many fail to understand at any point, we have the ability to say, this is not the way the story goes, and we have the right and ability to change how we think, act and eventually feel.

Explore your deepest heartfelt interests. Connect with people of like mind-but be sure that in doing so, you are not just connecting with others suffering similar emotions. Banish negative wizards-they often appear as helpful family or friends, but what they do is suck innovation. Their opinion of your abilities to be exactly who you want to be is irrelevant. Every day, we are given an unimaginable gift. We no longer need to associate with situations or people who are like negative wizards or emotional vampires. Let every day be the beginning of the rest of your life even if it sounds like a cliché.

Sometimes we have to go totally out on a limb, take the chance that change can reap many, many rewards. Humans are meant to live in a state of change or flux. We all face the challenges of removing us from the domestication of the society we are raised in, or exist in now. It's not for the faint of heart, but it is why some are given the gifts to offer others relief. Listen to people who are wanderers, such as myself. We do not wander because we are lost, so there is no loneliness involved. We wander because of an insatiable curiosity and a desire to expand our lives and perceptions. Find your tribe-they exist, somewhere. You have to dethatch from what we believe are "supposed to's" in order to create what will come to be. When I developed the Magick of Wyrd coaching (Wyrd is a Pagan word which represents all that was, all that is now, and all that will come to be). Magick is what we can imagine and bring into reality. I invite fellow travelers to join my journeys. There is a sense of freedom, a feeling of accomplishment in taking roads less traveled. Every path has a lesson-is it our lesson? How can we know until we encounter it? There are no mistakes, only lessons so how can any lesson do anything but enrich our unconscious and conscious lives? I've traveled many a path, only to find it was not the way for me, but I always knew I had the ability to reverse myself. My philosophy (I used this analogy often when people would worry over my "preparation" or "GPS" of the paths ahead. Anything that you can get to, you can leave. Believe that, and only that and know that loneliness is not always a passive negative state. Sometimes it can be your intuition telling you it's time for a change. Never fear change-it's the fabric of the tapestry of our lives. Namaste, fellow wanderers. Know that there are always others out there wandering too. I know with every gift I've been given, we are never truly alone.  Namaste   mia

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