Office Gossip

Office Gossip

Earlier in my career, I engaged in office gossip more often than I care to admit.? I almost didn’t share this post because of the deep shame and regret I feel about it.? But the topic of office gossip came up in multiple recent coaching sessions, and so I decided it was time to unpack it.?

Gossip is an almost inevitable occurrence in any community setting, and the office is far from immune to this phenomenon.? But how we individually approach it is still in our control.? We have two simple choices: we can choose to participate in gossip, or we can choose not to.??

When I look back at times when I chose to participate, I can identify a few reasons why this was the attractive choice:

  • Sharing laughs.? I love talking to people who make me laugh, and love making others laugh. For better or for worse, it’s all too easy to share laughs through judgmental commentary about situations or people (if this doesn’t immediately ring true for you, just watch some standup comedy!)?
  • Visibility.? If my highly influential colleagues (i.e. the cool kids) were in a room gossiping, that was exactly where I wanted to be.?
  • Redirecting Accountability.? It’s a lot easier to buy into a narrative that points the blame at someone else, than take a look at our own growth areas.??
  • Venting. ?It feels good to get things off our chests and let off some steam. It also helps us feel less crazy when others can relate.?

Interestingly, although I can remember moments of fun and excitement during those years, my overarching feeling of that time is heavy and leaves a sour aftertaste.? Because while engaging in office gossip enabled some short-term wins, there was a long-term cost:

  • Self-judgment.? By focusing my lens so keenly on what others were doing “wrong,” I raised the bar for myself to an unreachable height.? Laughing at others makes us feel more vulnerable to others’ ridicule.??
  • Mistrust.? Trust in the inner circle is tenuous - if someone shared confidential information with me, could I trust them to keep what I shared confidential??
  • Disempowerment.? If everything that was wrong was happening outside of me, then what power did I have to change anything??
  • Amplified Frustration.? It helped to vent out my own frustrating experiences, but when the roles inevitably reversed, my fire was immediately refueled and magnified by my colleagues’ frustrations.??

Engaging in gossip will always be an attractive option, but comes at a high cost.? Gossip precludes fulfillment.?

Warm Regards,

Divya

Carlos Adell

?? Recovering Engineer & Automations Nerd ? Building businesses that work, even when you don't ??? Featured ????

5 个月

Gossip can be a tempting distraction, but as you pointed out, it often leads to self-judgment and disempowerment. Instead, fostering open communication and trust can create a more supportive workplace. Thank you, Divya Ramachandran, for shedding light on this important topic. Let's focus on building connections that empower us all.

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Krishna Vivek

Director Application Development. I am a big believer in the strength of teamwork.

6 个月

I agree

Andrea Spillmann-Gajek

Getting series A-C founders ARR retention + expansion, faster. | 16+ years in Silicon Valley, expanding to Europe. | Solving problems that impact lives.

6 个月

I love how clearly you lay this out, and it's so true. I'm guilty as well, for similar reasons, and agree that an activity we think builds trust probably does the opposite... "If they're laughing about that person with me, are they doing the same about me behind my back?" Thanks as always for tackling the tough topics even when it's uncomfortable.

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