The Office Bully

I've been wanting to write about this for a while now. A couple of years or so actually, but never got around to it. It's about a story about a man I worked with, and it's a rather long post. So go get that drink. Or you know, just ignore.

The first time I met him was during an interview. (He was interviewing me, not the other way around.) For those of you who know my interests, you know that my portfolio is not really a traditional advertising portfolio - in the sense that it does have a lot of advertising in it, but it also has projects - stuff like Longhand Awards, The Vomit, The Dolch Project, etc.

So anyway, he ended the interview saying I should just pursue my other interests instead of carrying on in advertising. Fair enough. He's entitled to his opinion. I left.

About a year later, at the agency that I worked at, he joins as my boss. Now I have a particular style of working, and it's fairly simple. I come into work VERY early (usually by around 8:30 or so) and I bugger off by about 5:30, because I like to spend my evenings with my daughter. Eager to have a transparent working relationship, I spoke to him candidly about how I work, and I asked him, if no deadlines were missed, and no clients had a problem with it, would he?

He said he didn't, and he thanked me for being forthright, and that was that. Until, a few months later, when I noticed that he in fact, did have a problem with me leaving at the time I did. He'd text me asking me why I had left, and why I wasn't in office at 9, etc. I'd always be polite, and I'd come back if I had to.

One day, I l had left as usual at around 5:30 to take my daughter to her skating class. I get a text at around 6 from him, asking me where I am. I tell him I'm with my daughter. He asks me if I know there are some changes that the client wants on a campaign I was working on. I tell him yes (I did know), and that I've already had a chat with my account management partner about it, and that since it's not urgent, it'll go out the next day. He then tells me that I have to ask him for 'permission' him before I leave for the day every day.

Now I've been working for a while. And so far, I've never asked anyone for permission before leaving. I'm responsible. I wrap up everything, and I leave. So I ask him if this rule of his is only for me, or for the entire office. He says it's only for me, and if I don't like it, I 'know what to do.'

Now for those who know me, know that I don't respond very well to threats. So here's what I did. I texted the India head about what had happened, sending him all the screenshots. The India head obviously, was worried, and he said he'll look into it.

A little angry, I decide to drop my daughter back home and go back to office to have a talk with him, and settle this once and for all. He calls me to his office, and says (and I quote here), 'Listen, if you cannot ask me for permission before you leave, I will fire you right now.'

I go quiet. I think to myself, how can he say that? In every official email to me, not only has he approved all my work, but he's always shown high praise. Could he fire me?

So I decide to call his bluff. I look at him straight and say, 'Sure, go ahead.' And here's what he does. He calls the Branch Head and asks him to come to his room. The Brand Head does. And this man tells the Branch Head that he wants to fire me. The Branch Head (obviously) wants to know why. And get this, he tells the Branch Head the truth - he says that I will not ask him for permission before leaving in the evening.

The Branch Head gets up, tells this man to do as he pleases, and leaves.

And now I'm fucked. Because if he really can fire me (and looks to me that he can), I need to start hunting. And honestly, I'm just overwhelmed at how cruel this guy is. How much of a bully he is. And I break down.

Right there, in his little cabin, at around 7:30 or so, I break down. Years and years of pain, and trauma and hurt just start exploding. And I can't seem to stop myself.

He's taken aback, obviously. Which grown up man cries like that in front of another grown up? He offers me a tissue, tells me I shouldn't have pushed his buttons, I nod, get up and leave.

And I start job hunting from the next day.

The reason I'm writing this today is because it's been festering. Also, there's a lesson to be learned here about bullying. The fact that it's easy to say 'stand up to bullies', but it's not really as easy as that. Sometimes bullies have other bully friends, and sometimes, you have to be smart, wait it out, lose and walk away, to keep surviving.

There will always be bullies. At school, at work, in relationships, at home. And there's no correct way of handling them. You just have to figure it out on your own.