Offering unsolicited advice, and Inclusion for Introverts

It’s hard to believe that it’s only March. I feel like we’re already 6 months into the year! Do you feel that way too? ?

I came across this McKinsey interview with Jamil Zaki (he wrote one of my favourite empathy books, The War for Kindness: Building Empathy in a Fractured World).?

In the interview, Zaki talks about some of the benefits of empathy, including higher productivity, a stronger workplace culture, and better organisational health. He also discusses small things managers can do to encourage more kindness between team members, like calling out and celebrating instances where team members exhibit compassion and empathy.

It can seem as though, in our bid to create efficiency in the workplace, there’s no time for these small acts of recognition and acknowledgement, but if we want to create respectful and supportive environments, we can’t afford NOT to make the effort.

In addition, he says: ‘If you find yourself caring for one of your colleagues more than the other, try to spend more time with the other one. If you find that it’s easier to connect with people who are of your generation, try to ask yourself, “What are the experiences of people from different age groups?” That way, you can even out your empathy instead of just pointing it at particular people or groups.’

When time is lacking or we’re feeling stressed, we typically turn to those we care more for, than those we don’t, but why not give Zaki’s advice a try, and be a bit more curious with someone it’s a little harder for you to connect with? If you give this a go, I’d love to know how it worked out for you, so DM me here on LinkedIn.

https://www.mckinsey.com/capabilities/people-and-organizational-performance/our-insights/its-cool-to-be-kind-the-value-of-empathy-at-work

WHAT'S BEEN HAPPENING BEHIND THE SCENES?

For those of you wishing to keep up to date with my ‘movements’ :-) earlier this month I partnered with Rightmove , helping them celebrate International Women’s Day with a speech on Debiasing the Talent Journey.

I love how engaged the audience was and there were plenty of male allies present who were keen to increase inclusion and discover more ways to invest in women across the organisation.?

I also spoke at Women in Data? ’s Flagship event, which had 3000 attendees and was such a high-energy occasion.??

I truly believe that asking questions can be a powerful way to take control of our careers and I gave a talk called The Art of the Ask, which shares questions and strategies for asking for what we want, overcoming rejection, and empowering others. See COMMUNICATION CORNER below for more on this.

A first for me was opening the session with a song! I sang a few lines from ‘Defying Gravity’ from the musical ‘Wicked’. I was supposed to sing a bit longer, but I got scared my voice would crack, so I stopped :)

I’ll divulge more on the topic of musical keynotes in another newsletter.

INSPIRE INCLUSION?

Many of you know that Introvert Inclusion is really important to me. In many workplaces there’s still a strong bias towards extroversion.

I remember speaking at a virtual leadership session in North America a while back and a CEO of a large infrastructure company shared that ‘Of course extroverts make the best leaders. They’re better communicators and form stronger relationships.’

Hmmm!

Fortunately, another of the participants was happy to challenge that and it made for an interesting discussion.?

There’s plenty of content that describes why introverts make good leaders so if you’re dubious, please take a look at the numerous articles online.

I’m currently? planning a new initiative called ‘Big Talk for quiet people’.??

Everyone is welcome but I’m particularly keen to provide support for introverts who feel that much of the training and advice that’s ‘out there’ is geared towards extroverts. I’m mulling over company keynotes, webinars and training for individuals to sign up to, and other formats.?

I want to ensure the content I create is relevant and on point, so if you’re an introvert or work as a leader who supports introverts, I’d be super grateful if you’d complete this short, multiple choice survey (and it’s anonymous too, if you prefer).

https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfJOVwNfZjh5rYTEgBF2XET3hYxc6i2CpRWgJ8BeugHGna9ag/viewform

Thanks, and I look forward to sharing more soon!

COMMUNICATION CORNER

I was chatting with a new client last week about communication challenges between more seasoned/experienced employees and those who are newer to the organisation. The seasoned employees were wondering how best to offer their expertise to the newbies without causing offence.

We might be pretty sure we can help someone save time, or complete a task more efficiently, but maybe we hold back. Giving unsolicited feedback or advice can be tricky. For example, it might be interpreted as meddling, or micromanaging.?

We end up staying silent.?

This short article has some suggestions on how to avoid coming across as patronising. https://www.bannerhealth.com/healthcareblog/teach-me/how-to-tell-if-your-attempts-to-be-helpful-seem-patronizing

It’s especially important to ensure we don’t explain something that the other person already knows. Before jumping in with your pearls of wisdom, start by prefacing your insights with ‘Are you familiar with…?’??

If it’s feedback we’re about to offer, psychologist, Adam Grant, suggests we kick off with ‘I’m giving you these comments because I have very high expectations and I know that you can reach them’ so the recipient knows we’re respectful and on their side.?

https://www.cnbc.com/2023/12/13/adam-grant-feedback-sandwiches-dont-work-use-this-sentence-instead.html

Do you have any tried and tested strategies or sentence starters to frame advice or feedback? If so, I’d love to hear them, or anything else you’d like to share. Drop me a line and I’ll respond.

I hope this has been helpful!?

Keep in touch

Shola

P.S. Here are a few things you might want to do after reading this newsletter:

1. Are you an aspiring speaker? If so, why not enter The Speaker Awards. I’m excited to be one of this year’s judges. Find out more about entering here: https://thespeakersawards.com/?
2. To view a list of Shola's speech descriptions, go to: https://sholakaye.com/sd
3. And if you’re looking for Leadership talks and training, go to: https://sholakaye.com/empathy-skills-for-leaders-and-managers
4. Book a keynote enquiry call here: https://sholakaye.com/15