Offensive Eyebrows

Offensive Eyebrows

Apparently, I have a random eyebrow hair that is offensive to women.

Well, maybe not all women, but certainly two of them. My wife, and my daughter, Mandy. Whenever the offensive eyebrow hair grows back, they will pluck it. No matter how much I beg, no matter how loud I scream, they will pluck it, regardless of where we may be at the moment.

So it was that I took some of my grandchildren to Thanksgiving Point last weekend for what I thought was going to be an innocent day of letting the children ride the ponies and interact with the farm animals.

All was going well until Mandy looked up at me and furrowed her brow.

"It's back," she said.

"What's back?" I asked.

"The eyebrow hair," she said. "Hold still." And she backed me against the wall and reached up with fingers like the pincers of a crab.

"Leave it alone!" I wailed.

"Don't be such a baby," she responded.

While my daughter was intent on causing me bodily harm, I noticed a young woman behind her looking my way with alarm and humor. I would like to believe there was sympathy there as well, but maybe it was offense. I'm just not sure.

Mandy plucked the offensive eyebrow hair and shook her head.

"How do you not notice that?" She asked.

In my defense, at my age I have hair growing in places I never imagined it would grow and not growing in places I would dearly love for it to grow. My eyebrows are the last thing on my mind.

The last time my wife, Colleen, took enough offense at my wild eyebrow hair to take action, we were driving in the truck. She looked at me, pleasantly, then furrowed her brow as well, and started digging in the glove box. She brought out my Leatherman, opened the needle-nose attachment, and plucked the eyebrow hair while I was driving down the road at 70-miles-an-hour.

I've thought seriously about waxing body parts that have hair I do not want to grow there on many occasions. I think I might start with my eyebrows.