The "Off Limits" Emotion - Part 2

Eva Mozes Kor, tattooed as prisoner A-7063, spent decades haunted by the memories of Auschwitz, where she and her twin sister endured horrific experiments under Dr. Josef Mengele.

The anger she harbored toward Mengele and the Nazis sustained her for years, fueling her fight for survival and justice. But over time, Eva came to realize that her anger wasn’t protecting her—it was imprisoning her.

Years later, Eva made a decision that stunned many: she chose to forgive Mengele and the Nazis. Not because they deserved it, but because she deserved peace. “I forgive you,” she declared—not to absolve them of their crimes, but to free herself from the heavy chains of bitterness.

Forgiveness didn’t change the past, but it allowed her to reclaim her future. In a previous post, I made the case that leaders, when faced with harm done to the powerless they are responsible for, have a duty to express righteous anger.

I believe that deeply. But there’s a moral hazard that every leader must confront, especially those constantly exposed to injustice: over time, righteous indignation can mutate into hatred, and when it does, it creates only destruction. Forgiveness, like anger, is powerful—yet its power lies not in passivity, but in the intentional act of release.

As Eva came to understand, forgiveness is not about excusing or erasing wrongdoing; it’s about releasing its hold on you. Anger, like chemotherapy, can be a force for good when used in the right measure and for a limited time. But let it linger too long, and it becomes toxic, harming you more than the original offense ever could.

In leadership, especially when faced with chronic or structural injustice, forgiveness is not about overlooking the wrongs. Instead, it’s a strategic shield that protects leaders from being consumed by the darkness they are fighting against.

Here are three key truths about forgiveness that I believe every leader should embrace:

1. Forgiveness isn’t about the offender—it’s about you. While justice and accountability are crucial, forgiveness is ultimately about choosing freedom. It means letting go of the weight of the past so that it no longer dominates your mind or your life. In Eva’s case, forgiving her oppressors didn’t erase their guilt, but it ended their power over her. By forgiving them, she took control of her own narrative and refused to be defined by their actions.

2. Forgiveness is a journey, not a single moment. Just as anger can build and fester over time, forgiveness requires practice. It’s a daily choice to let go, often over and over again. At first, it may feel unnatural or even impossible, but the more we practice forgiveness, the lighter and freer we become. Forgiveness reshapes us—it’s a journey of renewal that allows us to heal, not only from the immediate hurt but from the long-term effects of anger and resentment.

3. Forgiveness is a tool of strong leadership. While forgiveness is a deeply personal act that benefits the forgiver first, its ripple effects extend far beyond the individual. Leaders are often wronged—by clients, competitors, or even their own teams. By choosing forgiveness over grudges, leaders model a kind of strength that others want to follow. It signals that progress matters more than resentment, that finding solutions is more valuable than holding onto past wrongs. Forgiveness doesn’t mean ignoring the need for justice, but it does mean prioritizing healing and forward movement.

In my previous post, I reflected on how “The Teacher” in the temple used anger to stand up for the oppressed. In this post, I want to show that forgiveness allows us to stand up for ourselves—choosing healing over harm. It’s not about weakness; it’s about wielding one of the most powerful tools we have to confront the wrongs in our lives and still move forward with clarity and purpose.

I’ll leave you with one final thought from a quote that has resonated with me recently: “It is not strength that overcomes darkness, but light.” Forgiveness is that light. It’s my hope that as you lead, face injustice, or deal with personal hurt, you’ll let forgiveness be part of your journey—not as an escape from responsibility, but as a way to protect yourself from being consumed by the very darkness you’re fighting against.