Ode To Pain

“Pain is the body's way of ridding itself of weakness.” ― Dean Karnazes, Ultramarathon Man: Confessions of an All-Night Runner

The whole world appears to be in pain. Pain from a meaningless tragedy where a human kneels on another’s neck until the former cries out to his mother as his life is snuffed out cruelly. Pain from another tragedy where 1000s of hapless migrant workers walk 1000s of miles back home on empty stomach after discovering their employment is gone due to a pandemic that they can’t comprehend. In another instance, pain from a nation that preys on its own people denying them the freedom that was promised under one nation two systems. So much pain! It is unbearable. It is unfair!

Brought back memories of a fateful day in 2003 when I was cut off by a middle aged white caucasian male in a pickup truck while returning home. The pickup pulled up next to me at the red light near Watertown Square. That person called me an “Iranian mother##r” and told me he wanted to punch my face in. I broke law on intent that night, jumped the red light and rushed home. I didn’t report that incident to police. I wasn’t sure if they would believe me and more importantly, didn’t want any repercussions. My wife had just delivered our first child. I was really afraid for them. I still feel deep shame and pain for not reporting the incident to police. Nelson Mandela who was incarcerated for 30 years, said “forgive and forget” when he was released from prison. Who do we forgive and how do we forget? How did he do that? What is the path for dealing with pain and its resulting emotion, anger?

Is pain avoidable? Can one escape it? This is an age old question. There was once a prince, he was unable to bear the pain and suffering all around him. He left the comfort of his kingdom and went to forest. He performed great meditation and penance. He went on to become Gautama The Buddha. He preached that we acknowledge pain rather than avoid it. His lifetime and teachings are documented in the monumental book, The Light of Asia (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Light_of_Asia). In one of the chapters a child is bitten by a venomous snake and dies. The child’s distraught mother comes running to Buddha and asks him to use his powers to restore child’s life. Buddha tells her that he will bring the child back to life if she can bring a handful of sesame seeds by sundown from a house that has never experienced death. She goes from home to home only to discover that there is no home that has not experienced death. Buddha’s message suddenly dawns on her. Death is inevitable, pain is inevitable. She buries the child’s body and becomes the first Buddhist nun, Kisa Gotami. So great is her change that in a later chapter she is confronted by desire in the form of a handsome man when she is meditating deep in the forest, she responds with the following lines:

I've gotten past the death of a son;
With this, the search for men has ended.
I do not sorrow, I do not weep,
Nor do I fear you, friend.
Delight everywhere has been destroyed,
The mass of darkness has been sundered.
Having conquered the army of Death,

I dwell without defiling taints.

Comfort is the antithesis of pain. Comfort sounds like a good word. Comfort is what we all crave, but is comfort really a good thing? You need succor provided by comfort on those difficult days when mind or body hurts. Comfort is a misnomer. In his brilliant masterpiece, The Prophet, Khalil Gibran writes –

it (comfort) becomes a tamer, and with hook and scourge makes puppets of your larger desires.

    Though its hands are silken, its heart is of iron.

It lulls you to sleep only to stand by your bed and jeer at the dignity of the flesh.

    It makes mock of your sound senses, and lays them in thistledown like fragile vessels.

Verily the lust for comfort murders the passion of the soul, and then walks grinning in the funeral.

I have read these lines so many times in my life. I have always wondered what am I chasing in life? Esp if comfort is a bad thing? Isn’t this the reason we all work? So that we and our dependents can be comfortable? Have you ever wondered about that? Would love to hear your opinion.

We can escape people and things that cause us pain, but we cannot escape ourselves, we have to learn to live with that person staring at us when we look in the mirror. He/she is always with you. An interesting fact about pain – incidents and actions happen all around us, it is our choice to experience pain. There is a scene in Arthur Miller's play, Incident at Vichy in which an upper-middle-class professional man appears before the Nazi authority that has occupied his town and shows his credentials: his university degrees, his letters of reference from prominent citizens, and so on. The Nazi asks him, "Is that everything you have?" The man nods. The Nazi throws it all in the wastebasket and tells him: "Good, now you have nothing." The man, whose self-esteem had always depended on the respect of others, is emotionally destroyed. Who is the root cause of the pain in this case? We have a choice on how we experience pain. I have been practicing Mindfulness and Meditation for several years now, unsuccessfully though. If there is one thing that I have learned I am far from the lofty goal of mindfulness exhorted by the likes of Thich Nhat Hanh (https://plumvillage.org/mindfulness-practice/). Long way to go, in pursuit of something that I still do not fully comprehend.

In conclusion, we need to be thankful to people and incidents that cause us pain! For these are our best teachers. They teach us about ourselves. They help us clear the debris of comfort and teach us humility. They hold a mirror and help us stare at our fears, uncertainties and doubts. They make us become more self-aware. They bring us closer to ourselves and thus, bring us closer to god! I have still not come to terms to that incident back in 2003. If nothing else, it has taught me to be careful. In a parallel universe things may have turned out very differently.

RIP George Floyd! Your death has not been in vain, you have gotten all of us to think deeply about things that divides us and more importantly, the things that unites us. You will be in my thoughts when I hit that painful wall at the 37th km (23rd mile) of the marathon on this Saturday, 6th June 2020.