An ode to my Mom - A Changemaker.

This post is not just about my mother - It is about a Changemaker.

Last fortnight, post an impact of COVID to all, my mother, full of life, passed on to the other world.

The shock has been deep, and sudden. Just a few days ago, she was very much here, amongst us, giving us her warm hugs and beautiful smile, asking us to "always be happy and be content". Proud of the journey she had been on, and here she was .. now a memory, a picture, and a light in our soul.

Born in NewDelhi, to the Indian Navy's first-ever Doctor Captain, she was married very early, at just about 17+. My father's family was a joint family in a small town in the Northern state of Haryana. Due to the constant movement of my grandpa, she the eldest of 6 children had to stay with her aunts, who brought her up exemplarily. She did miss having spent less than the much-needed time with her parents, and siblings. And that she had hardly any time to live her teens, her dreams, her age of adolescence.

Married into a home of more than 50 people, cooking over the coal/wood fired stove, washing clothes with hands, single bathroom, and drying clothes on the roof, 3 floors above.?Wearing a Saree with head covered till the stomach, she never complained.

She did both, accept the status quo, and then she decided to change it. Supported by my father, and a rare approval by my grandpa, the patriarch of the family, she did her Bachelors, an additional Bachelor of Education, Masters in Hindi, and then taught in a girl's college. In the 70's of an extremely conservative Haryana, this was revolutionary.

She encouraged my 'photographer' father to study further, become a banker, then a fast rising bank manager. Later when my father wanted to turn entrepreneur, she supported him with everything, from pawning jewelry, to staying away for months while he travelled down South, to being his Administrator, Finance manager, to running the office and home. From savings pennies to building us a house to making it a sanctuary, she played every role to perfection. She got other girls (my cousins) in the home to study, supporting their marriages, playing host in South India to everyone who came to the South. She was the counselor to anyone who needed a level-headed, pragmatic mentor, coach.?

When things went down, she stood like a rock, supporting our family, defending us against each storm, and ensuring life sailed through every time.?

She was a visionary, a leader, a coach, a guide, a friend, a top-quality stakeholder management expert, resilient, transition management expert, she Empowered everyone, ensured that all of us grew.

She was a fabulous Communicator, he emotional intelligence was second to none, She was the ultimate problem-solver. She always had the utmost respect for others, even when we were cheated by life and people.?

She was extremely strategic in her thinking, ensured a long-term safe cushion in life, for us all, from a "one-room" life to a bigger home to many more.?

She prioritized personal development, ensuring her own education, upskilling dad, and enabling other girls and boys in the larger family to learn more. I myself was encouraged to do my MBA from Australia, during difficult times, a lesson that taught me both, humility and resourcefulness.

She encouraged strategic thinking, but always asked to "be in the present", and live the moment happily.

She actively listened to us, genuine deep listening, and used the best common sense for solutions.

The most important ethic was her deep passion for work, to the highest quality, methodical, and took accountability always. Her work was exemplary, spartan, and a benchmark, whether it was the home, food, or her business ethic. She also ensured we never carried debts, and if we owed anything, it was always paid first.?

She always 'accepted' first, whether situations or our decisions in life, to welcoming my life partner, to the difficult births of our children, to their growth into beautiful girls, she believed in being the sponge first and then a supporting cushion.

She was a visionary, and slowly built our lives organically, our assets, and that of all in the expanded family. Many who were touched by her, always thanked her openly or in their hearts, for her generous advice, aid, and solutions.

She was a giver, giving a bit of herself to all who reached out. Even at the height of financial challenges at home, she happily gave away a rare windfall.

In fact on her memorial virtual connect, all who spoke, universally said one thing about her - if anyone had a problem, a challenge, she would always say "DON'T WORRY, I AM THERE".

That also meant she hardly delegated important work, always caring about others. Yes, most often she sacrificed her own needs, and well-being, which over time did bring age-related health issues much earlier in life.?Also, she never asked for anything for herself.

Still, she was full of life. A child in her heart.?

She was an artist, a poet, a teacher, the best wife; genuinely the best mother God could have ever sent me to, the favorite aunt, sister, cousin, grandma, friend. Her shoulders were always larger and had a space for all who wanted to cry, rest a hand or take support.

She wrote many poems and published her only book of Urdu Poetry "Yadon ka safar' (A journey of memories).

This tribute to her ends with the first couplet from her book (translated roughly) -?

"The face is like a mirror of your heart. And the more beautiful your heart is, the more beautiful you will be".

Love you Mom. I promise to do my best to live to your highest ideals.