THE ODD ONE OUT: EMBRACING UNIQUENESS & COMMUNITY AT THE SAME TIME

During this month of June, which is Pride Month, I was thinking about how to write about diversity and inclusion, and the topic of bias. I then felt that it could be too “usual” to talk about this topic on this very month. And sometimes I think I might lack expertise to write extensively about topics such as LGBTQIA+ community, which could be a prevalent topic for this month. Teaching mental health first aid on a regular basis in fact, it shows that levels of depression and anxiety for this community are higher, as they are in the case of any community which is discriminated against, which could be a group of a certain gender, of a certain nationality and of a certain age. Young people between the age of 16 to 24 are truly suffering from poor mental wellbeing and their sense of identity is also endangered by a lot of social media consumption and comparisons with others.

I think we can virtually all relate to this feeling of not belonging and being excluded, but not only, to feel so different that you feel like the “odd one out”.

So, I decided to write about feeling the odd one out, that burning feeling which comes with an inner voice saying, “when is it going to be my turn to just feel normal, whatever normal is, and when is this going to be the time to feel just regular, one of many and to just smile and fit in?”

Not that I particularly believe that fitting in a specific environment will make us feel necessarily better or would grant more happiness, but feeling like you are not fully understood or appreciated, is a feeling that hurts. I still remember the first time I felt it, which was when I was in high school. Probably even before, but high school has the most vivid memories of this.

I was very good at languages, and when would be the time for an English test at school, many of my school mates asked for help, to copy from my worksheet, so to say. I felt it was important to help, even though I knew it was not fair from them not to even try to study.. But see, those school mates were considered “cool” (whatever “cool” meant in the 90s), they seemed to have it all figured out at 16 years old, and they were having parties at their places which seemed more intriguing than the parties I was having, and they were buying bags of M&M’s and offering some to me in exchange for some help with the English tests.

I was fond of this type of chocolate and I helped them; for a few minutes they smiled at me and I knew that I was “in”: crunching those M&M’s and giving smart advice on a language I loved, who could ask for more? But after the English tutoring was over, they ignored me and once I could hear them in the corridor saying and giggling to each other “Careful! Don’t buy M&M’s, Alessandra will finish them all!”.

So, I took the courage to never help them again, and I felt justice, but still exclusion, and I don’t think any of our teachers could truly teach us at school, at this moment in history, what it meant to make others feel excluded, and how painful it was, and how we should all embrace each other's diversity. It was not a subject at school. We had philosophy, we had religion, we even had psychologists coming in two times per year just so that we could ask questions (and if you went, you’d be once again the odd one out. But I went! I was so curious, I am so glad I did, and being a teenager there were plenty of topics). But there was no school of life, so to say. Nowadays, even though we are not fully there, I feel that there are many more topics which are talked about at school and in books. Just yesterday I was watching the news and because it’s now time for Madrid’s Book Fair, they were saying how there are many books, also for children, with the topic of how to keep body and mind happy :

There is even a book whose title is “Even tough guys have feelings” : and you would see Batman or Superman’s illustration crying. I love that we are not given the usual standard that you have to be perfect or that you cannot cry as a boy or as a person, for that matter!

Working in the mental wellbeing environment, I hear colleagues say that we are still far away from a society that fully accepts diversity. I can relate to that, but at the same time I am hopeful, and I see so much more acceptance than years before. Perhaps because I live in Zurich Switzerland, where progress is more tangible, perhaps because it is happening more.

I grew up in Palermo, Sicily, in the 80s, and you did not challenge the status quo much. If you were at gym lesson and you could not do some type of exercise, it was your fault, or your body’s. You were perhaps “strange”, so either try to perform that exercise until exhaustion, or stop and don’t do it at all, but then you look at the others from the bench, you don’t really try and do something different.

It might seem a ridiculously small thing, but every time I go to a specific sports lesson at the gym, I am always grateful when I hear “if you cannot do this specific exercise, here’s the alternative”. I am so glad for the alternative.

A good job has also been done some time ago by Mental Health First Aid England, with the campaign “My Whole Self” , which says “We want organizations to empower employees to bring their whole self?to work. By bringing together diversity and inclusion with health and wellbeing we can drive positive transformation in workplace mental health and performance.” And you could even download a “my whole self” kit with instructions on how to bring your own self, and for companies to understand how important is for the wellbeing of an employee to be their authentic self when they work.

APPLYING SELF-ASSERTIVENESS INTO THIS EQUATION

When I conduct assertiveness trainings , we talk about the importance of self-assertiveness. As we strive for greater inclusivity and understanding, it's crucial to recognize its role in fostering a sense of belonging and mental well-being. Self-assertiveness means expressing who I am and allowing others to be. It allows individuals to express their true selves and set boundaries without fear of judgment or exclusion.

?I think this skill is particularly important in environments where the pressure to conform can be overwhelming. By encouraging open communication and authenticity as groups and as organizations, schools and universities, we can create spaces where everyone feels valued and respected. This is a great tool for resilience as well. But it not only enhances individual resilience but also contributes to a more supportive and collaborative workplace. Remember, embracing our uniqueness and standing firm in our identity is a powerful step toward collective mental health and happiness: let’s find an alternative as in the gym, let’s create something that could make us all feel unique but part of a global community!