Observing the Observer

Often in coaching training and practice it is said- be an observer. While probably its a little easier to be an observer as a coach- a set of ears and eyes trained on the "other", we as coaches often forget to become observer of self in that moment. What is happening to us and inside us during the coaching conversation? How our assumptions and beliefs are impacting how we end up coaching the client? This is where Kegan's theory on Adult development comes in.?

According to Kegan, all adults go through 5 stages of development. And in one of the stages, he talks about moving from being the subject to being the object- in order words from being a doer to being an observer. Here I want to point out that this is opposite of the subject-object theory in philosophy where subject is the observer and object is a thing being observed. Its important to be able to not only see these shifts as a coach but also to make them for personal growth and transformation.

Lets talk a little bit more about the concept of Subject and Object. According to Kegan,?term?subject?to refer to things that people are "subject to" but not necessarily consciously aware of. He uses the term?object?to refer to things that people are aware of and can take control of. We cant see what we are subject to. And in order to see, we either need another set of eyes on us, or we need to see who we are being in that moment.?

So how do we become objects instead of subjects??

1. We start by questioning our beliefs- what do I believe here and how I could be wrong? How can I separate myself from what I believe??
2. Slow down and start noticing the thoughts/ feelings/ images/ thoughts that come up in our mind in certain situations.?
3. Generally the statement related to our feeling for example is- "I am angry". Shift the sentence to- A part of me is angry or I am aware of the part of me that is angry.?
4. Check what is the eye that sees us an angry? There is another observer observing the thing. We have already detached ourselves from being angry to watching ourselves as angry. This enables us to step out of this thing we are subject to and begin viewing it as an object. We?can now view that "I" from a different observational point.
5. When we notice the observer, we can begin to question their observations.?

By following these steps, we can move from being the subject to the object- enabling us to be better individuals and better coaches.?

References-

1. Wikipedia- Robert Kegan- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_Kegan
2. Medium- https://medium.com/@NataliMorad/how-to-be-an-adult-kegans-theory-of-adult-development-d63f4311b553
3. Matt Goldenberg- https://www.lesswrong.com/users/mr-hire