Observing the Holidays, What Are You Noticing?

What do employee evaluations, succession planning, new year resolutions, and holiday spirit have in common? If we put them on a graph, they all have a spike in December and drop shortly after.

We put decorations up in our living room to get into a holiday mood. We walk the city’s streets and are reminded by giant Christmas trees, festive window displays, and pop-up gluhwein stands that we’re in a season of celebration and of giving. And the sponsored ads on our social media feeds remind us to start planning (and buying!) for those resolutions. To uphold the promise to yourself to become your best version next year.

As we return to work, we’ll see and hear similar reminders. Once or twice a year, leaders are reminded to plan for purposeful connections with their team members. To set up a meeting where you discuss performance and set goals to plan for the next six months. And if you’re a leader of leaders, you’ll be given a similar timeframe to capture your formal succession planning strategies, using tools like the 9-box grid to capture this snapshot in time.

This all comes with a cliff note that performance and succession discussions should be a year-round effort. And because the nobleness of this statement is difficult to argue with, we accept it as is and move on. Rarely, though, are we able to uphold the lofty promises of giving year-round attention to our employees’ and leaders’ personal and professional growth. And as soon as the holiday music leaves the airwaves, festive decorations get taken down, and family gatherings dissipate, we leave behind a season of celebration and of giving.

What (Holiday) Did You Observe?

December especially is a month filled with end-of-year reflections. Whether you celebrated Sinterklaas, Rohatsu, Hanukkah, the Solstice, or Christmas, I’m hoping you were able to create rituals and meaning through togetherness. But what does “observing the holidays” truly mean? Observing a holiday has a more reserved tone to it. It’s recognizing something is happening. Opposed to celebrating a holiday, where there is active involvement in the activity that is taking place. With the pandemic still raging and restrictions being in place to protect everyone’s health, perhaps celebrating the holidays felt less possible this year. I would like to make a case for observing the holidays (and beyond).

I’m not talking about observing in the sense of being a bystander to a horrible car accident that took place. Even though much of this year could fall within this category. I’m talking about truly noticing, perceiving, detecting, discerning. This skill is more related to the activity of looking at a painting on a museum wall. Or noticing the joy on people’s faces as they embrace each other at Heathrow airport (well yes, I did re-watch Love Actually this season!).

The Gift of Being Present

Technically, everything we observe is a collection of neutral stimuli. They are only given meaning as we absorb them through our unique lens. This meaning is derived from thoughts and feelings from either past experiences or linked to our anticipated future. This means that the present is constantly competing for attention with both our past and our future. And rarely does the present win. Observing the stimuli you’re exposed to is therefore an act of staying in the present. And as we gift others the gift of being present, it allows us to grow empathy, compassion, and humility. As C.S. Lewis wrote;

“Humility is not thinking less of yourself but thinking of yourself less.”

Another benefit that it brings is the resiliency strategy of remaining curious. Detaching your own world view from what you observe happening around you can create a sense of wonderment. Instead of letting your thoughts wander into the future of “what if’s”, connect to the presence through wonder and awe. But just like Keanu Reeves dodging bullets in slow motion, remaining present requires constant focus. It’s all too easy to let our emotions override the experience. And for many the holidays can trigger intense emotions that are intended to have you fight, flight or freeze. We’ll have to undergo many years of evolution for the amygdala to alter the way it regulates these emotions to our modern-day threats. We shouldn’t try the impossibility of controlling our emotions. The best thing we can do is to observe them as they come in. As you observe your emotions, can you go beyond the basic 4-5 emotions we experience to understand what thoughts are driving these emotions? try to get granular. Is that joyous feeling a sense of being happy, or being content, or grateful, or inspired? And if you’re feeling crappy, is that because something angers you, or alarms you, are you sensing a general feeling of melancholy or - Adam Grant’s newly coined emotion - are you languishing?

If at First You Don’t Succeed

Charles Dickens realized a completely new world once he was forced to reflect and observe Christmas through a different lens. The world around him didn’t change, but the way he observed this world made a drastic change in his experience. In one of his final statements he also recognized this shouldn’t just be a seasonal fling, when he shares; “I will honor Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year”. How did he do with this resolution? I’m not quite sure. But if there was ever a human side to Charles, I am betting his thoughts wandered away from this commitment every now and then. In the poem “Assumptions & Biases” I wrote the following:

Did you know astronauts after

Returning from space

Drop their coffee cup mid air

Expecting it to be gravity defying?

?

It’s embarrassing. But it’s ok.

It doesn’t keep them from trying.

?

Be patient when you make mistakes.

As long as you self-reflect and keep applying.

Even though there is no need to tie a calendar to our acts of reflection or setting resolutions, seasons can be a helpful reminder of the importance of this act. But the wreath on your front door will come down. And eventually, you won’t find any pine needles or broken ornaments anymore when you sweep under the couch or behind the tv stand. When the time of reflection and supporting growth is but a season’s memory, what reminders will you have that will help you stick to your year-long habit of sharing the gift of being present?

About the Author

Arend Boersema provides leadership coaching opportunities and leads organizational development and culture change efforts by working with emerging leaders, senior executives, and teams. As a seasoned HR and OD expert with footing in both education and social work, his formula for success relies on identifying the tension and reflecting on ways to combine business logic with art, the mind with the heart. You can find out more about his approach and his recently published book Poetry at the He{art} of Business on www.levelupcoachingconsulting.com .?