Observing Contact part 2

Observing a parent's contact can inform you about many matters, such as how able a parent is to be consistent, and to be punctual at attending contact. It can offer clarity about a parent's willingness and ability to keep the child in their thoughts, when they are not present, and that may show itself, by them attending contact with food, drink or toys that their child likes or is familiar with. The fact that a parent has taken the time to prepare something for their time together, suggests that it's important to them.

If a contact regime is arranged to occur five times per week, but the parent attends only on average three times per week. Unless there are very good reasons for their failure to attend; their attendance, or lack of it provides evidence of their commitment to meeting their child's needs.

In addition, a parent's frequent tardiness can be indicative of an inability to prioritise their child's needs over those of their own, or another's. It could also be suggestive of a lack of empathy and attunement with their child's needs and feelings.

Contact sessions might also reveal a parent's ability to stimulate a child, or their capacity to effectively manage more than one child at the same time. It can tell you a range of matters such as the parent's attitude towards the child; their willingness to appreciate and empathise with their child's feelings, to be led by their cues and wishes, as well as their capacity to be flexible.

All parents can be late once in a while but when lateness becomes more frequent than once in a while, you have to question the parent's ability to see and feel things through the eyes of their child.

When frequently late this behaviour may cause you to question their insight and understanding about how their child might likely interpret or be impacted on by their lateness.

Your observation of contact may demonstrate that the message being given to the child is that they are not important or loved enough to be on time. When observing contact you can pick up very useful information concerning whether the parent sees, or can read their child's cues. Their ability to be sufficiently sensitive and responsive to their babies or young child's wishes, feelings or needs, reveals a lot about their parental insight and skill.

Inability to recognise and respond appropriately to your young child's cues results in the child not feeling loved, feeling separate from and distant from the person they are most dependent on.

This inability on the part of the parent is the start of a pattern, the trajectory of which is responsible for substantial amounts of problems the child will likely face in their later life.

To what extent does the parent play with their child and get down on the floor, on the child's level and engage with them? How willing where necessary are parents to seek and accept advice and support from contact supervisors?

These are useful questions which may spring to mind whilst watching contact. For some parents their behaviour at contact indicates their ability to be disciplined and to prioritise their time with their child, as opposed to sharing their contact time whilst texting others or playing on their phone.

Contact observation can offer you an insight into whether the parent is captivated and interested in interacting with their child as opposed to going through the motions of contact. It could also suggest concerns about their emotional state and capacity to interact in a buoyant, as opposed to flat mental state.

Your observation of contact can uncover important details such as how much eye contact a parent offers, particularly babies and young children., including matters such as the provision of guidance, warmth, encouragement and their capacity to establish routines and boundaries.

So, you see watching contact can provide you with a great deal of information and insight into the parenting behaviour of others. But I have found it is equally useful to become observant in relation to your own behaviour, attitudes and values.

The most astute assessors, are not just students keen on observing the behaviour of others. They are students who are equally, or even more keen on observing their own behaviours.