Nurturing the Spirit: Three Prayers for Guiding Adult?Children
As Christian parents, the dual gifts of roots and wings encapsulate the legacy we pass on to our children. We establish a foundation with rules, instill responsibilities that build confidence and skills, and nurture these deep roots with abundant love and prayer. All the while, we are acutely aware that the wings we strengthen will eventually carry our children out into the world?—?beyond the reach of our influence and protection. My personal journey has now taken another step as my third son graduates from college, joining his brothers in adulthood.
In this new season of parenting, my prayers for my four sons have been shaped by the teachings of the Apostle Paul in the book of Philippians. Writing from a Roman prison, Paul, the missionary church planter, reveals the heart of a spiritual father as he prays for new believers and leaders in distant, fledgling churches. His heartfelt prayers have become a source of inspiration and guidance for my own prayer life as my sons embark on their independent lives in a world markedly different from the one I encountered at their age.
While it is natural to pray for our children’s strong marriages, safety in their careers, and wisdom in their life choices, Paul’s prayers challenge me to look deeper. His single-sentence outpouring in Philippians invites us to elevate our prayers, focusing on the motivations that drive our adult children’s lives and taking a closer look at our own spiritual journey.
1. Praying for Their Loves to be Guided by?God
Paul begins his prayer in Philippians 1:9 with a plea for love to abound in knowledge and discernment: “It is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment.” His concern for the believers in Philippi stemmed from the potential influence of false teachers (Philippians 3:2) and the pull of civic pride, which could have led these Roman citizens to prioritize the glory of Rome over the glory of God. Paul’s desire was for their growing love to be anchored in truth and focused on God.
In his presence, Paul had imparted knowledge about the nature of God as revealed in Jesus Christ, modeling Christ’s humble obedience (Philippians 2:8) and exemplifying the life of a heavenly citizen (Philippians 3:17–21; 4:9). But now, as they were on their own, Paul trusted that the knowledge he had shared would transform into discernment in the hearts and minds of these new Christ-followers.
Similarly, our adult children face countless distractions from holy living in the twenty-first century. They need both knowledge and discernment to navigate their spiritual journey. Agape, the unique love of God, is profound and boundless, but it is neither vague nor sentimental. Discerning love submits to the mind’s critical faculties and the Spirit’s guidance, for, as Stuart Briscoe aptly noted, “Love may be blind, but agape has twenty-twenty vision.”
As we pray for our children’s love to grow, we also pray that God will guide them toward worthy objects of love. We ask that they will persevere in loving their spouses more than their hobbies and valuing time with their children over time with their colleagues. We trust God to give our adult children eyes to see the truth about their own hearts’ affections.
2. Praying for Integrity to be Guarded by?God
Paul continues his prayer in Philippians 1:10, asking that the believers “approve what is excellent, and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ.” The Greek word for “approve” was associated with the purification of precious metals or the verification of currency, implying a concern for authenticity. Paul yearned for believers who were pure, unmixed, and without alloy?—?whose lives were as genuine as they appeared to be.
This call for integrity echoes David’s reflections on holiness in Psalm 24:3–4:
“Who shall ascend the hill of the Lord? And who shall stand in his holy place? He who has clean hands and a pure heart, who does not lift up his soul to what is false and does not swear deceitfully.”
In today’s culture, the idolatry of image is pervasive, fueled by the pressures of social media. As parents, we must pray that our adult children will find the grace to live authentically, so that their real lives align with their Instagram stories.
Our own integrity as parents is also a matter of concern and prayer. Unfortunately, many in our generation are willing to change their politics, ethics, and even biblical worldview to “stay friends” with our children, prioritizing our relationship with them over their relationship with God. When our adult children make poor choices, it can be tempting to compromise our beliefs to maintain harmony. We might rationalize, “The Bible is pretty harsh on that one. We really can’t be dogmatic.”
However, it is crucial that we hold fast to our integrity of belief, even when we long for family unity. We must leave room for God to work in our children’s lives, praying that He will awaken their conscience and trusting that He remains actively involved in their journey. If we undermine His voice, we not only interfere with the Spirit’s work but also compromise our own pure and blameless walk.
3. Praying for Fruitfulness in Their Lives for God’s?Glory
Finally, Paul prays in Philippians 1:11 that the believers will be “filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God.” The fruit of righteousness can manifest in visible ways. In Paul’s life, this fruitfulness took the form of new converts, churches springing up across Europe and Asia Minor, and mentoring relationships that produced leaders and teachers capable of carrying the gospel forward to the next generation.
Our sons and daughters may not be called to lead churches or movements, but by the power of the Holy Spirit, they are equipped to produce the fruit of spiritual attitudes and righteous actions. By holding fast to what is good and rejecting what is false, our adult children can “shine as lights in the world” (Philippians 2:15), reflecting the humility and moral excellence of Christ. As parents, we must also evaluate success in our children’s lives through the lens of Christlikeness, resisting the temptation to adopt cultural definitions of success based on income or influence.
Paul’s prayer for the Philippians was that their lives would be characterized by right choices and pure motives, fueled by an abounding love for God and grounded in sincerity. As my own prayers are shaped by Paul’s example, I strive to share his motivation. While our adult children have great potential to bring joy to our hearts and fulfillment to our days, the ultimate goal of their lives?—?and ours?—?is “the glory and praise of God.”
As parents, we are continually being shaped and stretched by our prayer life. May we join with Paul, with our beloved children, and with believers throughout the ages in bringing glory to God through lives that bear the fruit of righteousness, rooted in a love that abounds in knowledge and discernment.