Nurturing the space between the ears!!
Nikhil Damle
Perspective Offeror | International NLP Trainer | Catalyst Coach | Founder @Iridium | Ex-Morgan Stanley VP
I remember that scene from the movie "3 Idiots", where on one of his fellow students committing suicide, the protagonist goes up to the head of the institution and says "It is murder. No one got to know how much pressure this student was being subject to; but the cause of death will be that he died due to hanging himself."
It is a poignant moment in the movie, where we first come to face to face with the pressure those students are facing. Ironically, it is no different for students in India even today. From the moment, they enter the schooling system, there are expectations, comparisons and a whole lot of "musts" and "should's" that are thrown at the young minds. Goals are set on their behalf, their aspirations are kept aside and they are told not to look left or right and focus on the future.
Fast forward, when it comes to crucial exams at school or pre-under-graduate level, there is a build-up of pressure, which either results in relief or agony for parents depending on which way the result goes. Again, there is limited focus on what the child is going through. By the time these kids start their career, they are either fatigued and resentful of the competitive pressure, or have aced the game of making it to the top - neither of these is healthy as they stay as default positions in the mental makeup of the individual, the toll of which they only realize much later. "Everyone knows what is best for them and they will decide if they are not up for something" is a line that is thrown around quite a bit under the pretext of continuing the culture of competitiveness and justifying pressure.
So let's pause now, as I am guessing that many of you would have recognized at least one person from your life who you see at any of these different phases. I have actually written very briefly about something that is a constant source of prolonged stress.
We speak of mental toughness or resilience or bouncing back or having a strong mindset or attitude - but where in this whole journey is that being taught or cultivated? I am not trashing the education system, but the work needed to develop our minds is not being done in an adequate manner in the early stages of our life. Rather, the reverse happens.
So managers face problems with employees. Parents wonder why teenagers are that way. It is easy to label people as Gen X, Y or Z or millenials. But what is lost is the ability to connect and pay attention to what is happening with this individual, who started off being a smiling, cheerful, fun-loving little person, and turned into a serious emotionless face with a monotonous voice.
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It is high time we recognise how important it is to learn, how to handle the space between the ears, as an important life skill. Waiting till someone hits rock bottom, is too late. I am going to plug Neuro Linguistic Programming here, and that is based on the first hand experience I have had where individuals who have learnt this as a skill for managing their own selves, have been able to pick themselves up from situations, which previously, by their own admission, might have tripped them up or taken a very long time for them to recover from.
If we:
...then the world will be a different place, where mental health is treated as "ongoing maintenance and care of our self" rather than as an emergency situation. Let's get smart and allow these skills to be taught to children at a young age. In my experience, learning NLP skills, is as vital as knowing how to perform CPR, or to cook or swim.
After all, everyone deserves to a live a life full of choices. We don't want more "murders" to happen, just because we equipped ourselves with loads of knowledge, but failed to learn how to nurture the space between the ears.