Nurturing Self-Compassion in Children (and Ourselves!)

21st January 2025 | Jamie Lynn Tatera

In the wake of the recent US presidential inauguration, it’s vital that we help children, especially children from marginalized groups, know their own value. Self-compassion is one of the best tools I know for helping kids understand that they matter, and empowering kids to believe in themselves.

A simple definition of self-compassion is to treat ourselves as we would treat a good friend. This means that we comfort ourselves during our difficult moments, and we encourage ourselves to grow and change in positive ways. But just how do we help children develop this important skill? We can do this in several ways, including offering children our compassionate and loving presence, modelling self-compassion, and playfully teaching kids self-compassion.

Be the voice you want children to internalize

The way that we treat children matters. The words that we use with children can become a part of their own internal voice. When we tell a child they are valuable, and show them through our active listening and attunement, children internalize the belief that they matter. When we are able to balance holding high standards for children with acceptance and understanding of their struggles, children grow this same capacity within themselves. External affirming words and supportive actions become internalized and are a part of how children learn to respond compassionately to themselves.

Playful self-compassion instruction

Finally, we can teach children self-compassion. I have created a Mindfulness and Self-Compassion program for Children and Caregivers (MSC-CC), which is a playful, research-based adaptation of the Mindful Self-Compassion program. I have also created the Mindfulness and Self-Compassion Workbook for Kids, which teaches children mindfulness and self-compassion skills using playful animals, characters, and the experiences of real children. Spots the giraffe teaches kids to be mindful of their thoughts, feelings and sensations, and Buddy the dog helps children realize that they are not alone in their struggles. Super Snuggles the bunny helps kids to comfort themselves when they are struggling and encourage themselves with kindness. Both the workbook and the course also feature Doodles the dolphin who helps kids take compassionate actions, as well as Sunny, who helps kids remember to take in the good.

Victoria Brattini, GCC volunteer and founder of the Laguna Meditation Center, has recently been using excerpts of the Mindfulness and Self-Compassion Workbook for Kids, Volume 1, with her adult clients. Victoria shares:

“I’ve been encouraging adults to use the workbook in a playful way for themselves. I say just read it and let yourself feel the warmth and fun there.? Years ago when I was desperate to improve my French and Italian, I asked another Mom who was from Austria how she had learned English. She had only been here for a few years and her answer was children’s books, games, shows, etc. She said it’s less intimidating and you feel a sense of accomplishment. Plus they are more fun. [This] book is playful and full of humor, and for the adult who has reservations about self-compassion or even trying to name an emotion, I think this book can make the challenge a little easier for them. Yes, it’s written for kids, and there’s good wisdom there for adults too. I’ve been encouraging my clients to play, laugh…and see the humor in life. Play is essential.”

We can all benefit from learning mindfulness and self-compassion skills through play. Playful instruction, parental modeling, and the internalization of adults’ compassionate responding can all contribute to the growth of self-compassion in children. The important thing is that we, as caregivers, are intentional about nurturing these compassionate qualities in our youth…and in ourselves!

Jamie Lynn Tatera is an educator and author with a passion for helping children and their caregivers become more self-compassionate. She is a certified Mindful Self-Compassion teacher and developer and teacher trainer of the Mindfulness and Self-Compassion for Children and Caregivers (MSC-CC) program, a researched parent-child adaptation of the Mindful Self-Compassion program. Jamie Lynn has taught mindfulness and self-compassion to children ages 3-18, and she is the author of the Mindfulness and Self-Compassion Workbook for Kids.