Nurturing Excellence: Balancing Discipline and Compassion in Schools

"What if I told you that students who have it hard at home...can also come to school and not be disruptive, a disturbance, not create havoc for other students?"

Today, I want to delve into a topic that touches the heart of the educational system: the impact of home life on student behavior in school.?

I have been in education since 2004, starting as a teacher assistant in a London school for students with special needs. Since then, I have obtained a Master's degree in Special Education. Additionally, I have certifications in English Language Arts, reading, English as a Second Language (ESL), and Instructional Leadership.?My entire career in education spans from middle school to high school in the United States and secondary school in the United Kingdom.?I specialize in creating educational content, delivering instruction, and managing classroom behaviors. I have experience teaching students with dyslexia, autism, learning disabilities, emotional disturbances, and behavioral challenges.

"I would like us to normalize teaching?students?how to deal with issues and help them?heal?from those traumas so?they don't perpetuate that same behavior throughout their lives."

I want to explore the resilience of students who face challenges outside the classroom but still manage to thrive within it. In my experience, every school has resources to support students who struggle to learn or behave. While some schools are better equipped than others,?teachers often work hard to create a safe learning environment?for all students, no matter the challenge.

In one school where I taught, specific facilities such as padded rooms, sensory rooms with music and light therapy, and time-out spaces were available for students to calm down before or after experiencing a meltdown . These spaces were typically reserved for students with behavioral issues or special needs rather than those who excelled academically. This discrepancy presents a problem that schools should address.

"You must find a way to cuddle the child while disciplining the bad behaviors."

Nobody seems to consider that students who attend school every day on time and remain respectful to staff, teachers, and their parents may also be dealing with hardships in their own lives. The most disruptive students in school get the most attention and the most support.

Take my daughter, for example. She found her father deceased at home. Yesterday, May 23, would have been his 41st birthday. No doubt his passing was traumatic for her, yet she attended school regularly, caused no disruption, and excelled in every subject, even when we thought the schools could have been more supportive.?

After my ex-husband passed away, we relocated from the United States to the United Kingdom, which meant my daughter had to start at a new school and learn unfamiliar academic content in a different educational system. Despite dealing with grief and receiving less support from family than expected, she has demonstrated a remarkable level of resilience, which I can only hope to emulate.

She is now in Year 11, the final year of secondary school, and has received multiple awards for excelling in every subject. She is poised to achieve remarkable grades in her GCSEs.

"Why are we not recognizing those students in the like energy that we give to students who are not doing those things?"

My daughter is not just lucky; she is resilient. She sets goals for herself daily and works hard to achieve them. She wakes up earlier than I do every morning to do her stretches, eat breakfast, and study. She studies during lunchtime at school and continues studying when she gets home.

Yesterday, she broke down in tears. She had a migraine, not just from working hard at school but from holding in her emotions surrounding her father's death. She just bawled.?

How does a child facing significant challenges find healthy ways to cope without lashing out at others or becoming a disciplinary issue at home or school?

"Don't assume that because a student is in your class doing well,??they don't have hardships, they are not hungry, or??they are not dealing with things with their parents."

No teacher has reported my daughter being disrespectful. Our only meetings were regarding other students treating her unkindly or teachers doing things I thought were not in her best interest. She has not harmed anyone, destroyed anything, or disrupted anyone else's learning. Yet, people assume that because she is doing so well in school, nothing in her life must be askew.

People may assume that my daughter's home life is perfect because I am a teacher, but I want to advise against that assumption. While her father instilled strong values in her when he was alive, and I do my best to support her, our family is far from perfect. You know children and adults who have not experienced what she has, yet they have reacted completely differently to their challenges. Please understand that she is dealing with her challenges without hurting anyone else, and I admire her for that. I hope schools will acknowledge students like her and provide them with the same resources they offer other students.

Then again, perhaps if they did, she would not be so resilient, but I wonder how it would help with her mental and emotional well-being.

As a seasoned?educator with years of teaching, I want to challenge the narrative that difficult home situations justify bad behavior in school. Schools should advocate for a balanced approach that nurtures the child while addressing misbehavior. Coddling negative actions can embed harmful patterns that follow students into adulthood.

I have been to schools where teachers beg students to do what they should do and then applaud them when they finally do it. This level of coddling is a disservice because it teaches students that they receive all the attention for doing the wrong things. Students carry this mentality into every aspect of their lives, continuing into adulthood. Some students break this norm, but it's a struggle for many, even as adults.

Conversely, schools have minimal emotional support systems for quiet and well-mannered students. Those students fly under the radar, unnoticed, because they do not draw attention to themselves. We must recognize and support students struggling to focus in noisy environments. The inability to concentrate on school work can take an emotional toll on these students, especially when school should be their safe space. I was once one of those students.?

Schools should prioritize the well-being of students who excel academically and behaviorally and not just reward them with certificates for their earned grades. These students consistently show up and perform well despite their struggles, which also contributes to the overall rating of the schools. Too often, rewards and comforting spaces are reserved for those who misbehave rather than those who consistently strive to do their best.

This blog is not just a critique but a call to action. I want to encourage schools to discipline misbehaving and disruptive students effectively while providing the same level of care and recognition to all students. Remember, every student has a story, and those who seem to be doing well may also be fighting unseen battles.

As a former student who faced hardships and now a parent who tries her hardest daily, I invite listeners to reflect on their assumptions about student behavior and the need for a more inclusive and supportive school environment.

Disciplining misbehaving and disruptive students is crucial for maintaining a safe environment for all students to learn. It helps to enforce boundaries, instill accountability, and teach students about the consequences of their actions. Additionally, consistent discipline can help prevent disruptions and ensure that all students have the opportunity to learn without interference.

Please read my blog about my experience dealing with a student who was a danger to himself and the entire classroom.

Here are the four reasons why it is crucial to discipline disruptive students:?

1. Maintain a safe learning environment.

2. Enforce boundaries and accountability.

3. Teach about the consequences of actions.

4. Prevent disruptions to effective learning.

Far too often, teachers tolerate harmful behavior in an attempt to calm students down or negotiate with them to improve their conduct for the sake of the learning environment. Pleading, begging, and coddling students does not work. Schools must have strong disciplinary practices in place and adhere to them. Teachers and administrators must be decisive when implementing the discipline policy. Additionally, they must give students fewer chances to disrupt the classroom. Giving students too many chances when those chances are not working is disrespectful to the teachers and the students who are trying desperately to learn.

Finally, prioritizing students who behave well and excel academically, regardless of their struggles, is beneficial for school culture and climate. Doing so promotes a positive and inclusive community where students who are doing their best feel recognized for their efforts. It builds morale, boosts confidence, and ignites motivation. It also sets an example for other students, showing them that hard work and positive behavior are valued and rewarded. Additionally, recognizing hardworking students supports a culture of empathy , showing others that even the students who behave well face struggles, too. Acknowledging the students who are excelling despite their challenges is not elitism. It is inclusive and creates a supportive network for all students.

"The hard days are what makes you stronger." - Alexandra Rose Roisman