Now Is the Time to Be Vulnerable

I cry, and I’m not ashamed of it.

A few weeks ago, our employees rallied together and offered to take massive temporary pay cuts in order to help our company weather the coronavirus crisis. As a credit card processor that works mostly with small businesses, our revenue has dropped 55% in the last two months. We could have laid people off or increased prices to customers, but our team wanted to avoid both of those scenarios and were willing to sacrifice their own financial well-being in order to do so.

The day after I learned about their commitment, we had an all-company call. I told them how humbled and proud I was to work with them and shared that I had spent the better part of the past day in tears over their sacrifice. 

Some people may find this strange. But I believe that this type of vulnerability allows me to a be a stronger, more capable, and more resilient leader.

The Vulnerable Leader

As a society, we’re taught to believe that good leaders must be strong, and that showing any emotion is a sign of weakness. Good leaders are stoic, reserved, confident. Their ability to hide or quell their feelings is a sign of their superiority, their ability to rise above common human emotions that compromise their judgement. 

But leaders are human beings, and human beings are emotional creatures. Sharing your emotions, struggles, fears, and desires with others--especially in a crisis--reminds them of your shared humanity. It allows you to see yourself in others and for others to see themselves in you. This is the definition of empathy, and empathy creates trust. 

Trust and empathy are essential during a crisis because they assure people that they are not alone. During these difficult times, it is also easier to build strong connections because crises expose who we truly are. They force us to be vulnerable in order to survive. 

Showing Your True Self

In general, I think more people should express their emotions openly, or at least talk about their emotions openly. But you don’t need to be an overtly emotional person in order to practice vulnerability.

Be Transparent

Your people want to know the reality they are facing, especially when times are tough. Being transparent brings you together because you’re all facing the same circumstances. And when you can relate to one another in this way, when you share a common struggle and a common goal, you build empathy and understanding and are better equipped to work together to come up with a solution. Your people will also trust you more because you are trusting them with the facts and treating them like equals.

Be Honest

Transparency is about openness with the facts. Honesty is about openness with yourself. Putting on a brave face creates distance and makes it harder for others to be honest. Being open and authentic makes it okay for others to be open and authentic, which strengthens relationships and builds community. How are you feeling right now? What’s your biggest fear? What keeps you up at night? How are you coping?

Tell Stories and Ask Questions

Create space for sharing by telling stories and asking questions. Stories give people something to relate to and are therefore more powerful than broad statements. Telling people you stayed up all night last night and walking them through your thought process is more impactful than simply saying, “I’m worried.” Sharing a story of a previous struggle that you overcame and detailing how you overcame it is more inspiring than simply saying, “We’ll get through this.”

Ask your people to share what’s going on in their own lives as well. With many people working from home, the boundaries between personal and professional life are dissolving--and that’s a good thing. Ask your people questions about their lives inside and outside of work. How are their families staying healthy? What are they doing to relax? What’s their biggest challenge right now? The more specific you can be with these questions, the better. Avoid asking simply, “How are you doing?” or “Is everything okay?” These questions sound like small talk and can be dismissed with a one-word answer that may not be true.

We’re living in a chaotic and difficult time right now, but instead of retreating, use this as an opportunity to create a deeper connection with your people. If more people started to have more vulnerable, loving relationships, that would really change behavior and change the world. If you could stop putting distance between yourself and others and just be yourself, the divisions that separate us would disappear. We would have more relationships that cross economic, racial, age, political, gender, and other boundaries. Our world would be stronger for it.