November - Check your Attitude - or learning to be light

In November, Gretchen focused on her attitude. She wanted to cultivate a light-hearted, loving, and kind spirit. Now, if any of the mantra 'fake it till you make it' or as a good friend of mine put it 'face it till you make it!', is true, then it really is attitude that is the key to being happier.

I was excited about this month because light-heartedness is something that I've been striving for this year. Trying to not let other people bring me down and act in the way that I would want to be seen. November gave me a chance to test these skills - especially since the lead up to Christmas is rife with self (or client) imposed deadlines and the feeling of a sprint to the finish where you collapse at the end. I didn't want my year to end that way and attitude was a big part of making sure it didn't take place (fingers crossed!).

'It’s easier to complain than to laugh, easier to yell than to joke around, and easier to be demanding than to be satisfied,' says Gretchen.

What do you think? I think to a large extent this is accurate. It's very easy to get sucked down with negative energy and a lot harder to buoy yourself up, especially when you are surrounded by individuals or a team that brings a nervous and disjointed energy into the mix. I had this situation with an organisation I've been working with this year. The permeating attitude was one of chaotic energy and distracted thinking. It made most meetings feel a lot harder than they really were because I was fighting against the attitude of denial. The frantic energy ate up a lot of my kindness. Devoured it.

In her book, Gretchen mentions a psalm in the bible which talks about caring for and supporting?the joyous. I liked this because it does take discipline and willpower to cultivate a positive attitude and it can be straining to support this day in and out. I bet if you were to talk to one of your kind friends that they are likely feeling burnt out from all the positivity they dished out. I've seen many posts on LinkedIn about it this year.

So all that said, what can we actually do to be more light-hearted in a sometimes negative world. I gave two areas a try this past month:

Use good manners.

Anyone with a young child will know the refrain of 'say please and thank you', sometimes I feel like it's all I say - but do we herald this refrain ourselves? I was curious to discover the extent of my own good manners and how these could be used to build people up without taking a substantial load out of me. I started at home making sure I said thank you for the myriad of things around the house. It was easy and simple and showed I cared about the outcomes. Bonus - my son is using exceptional manners at the moment after copying me!

Next into the office and making sure conversations were polite and I closed the loop on requests by showing my thanks - this last one is a real gamechanger. Just a quick note of thanks, or even a slightly longer one that has some positive feedback can make someone's day. I heard second hand from a friend that an email I'd sent one of her team mates that had some positive feedback in it literally made her day - and it was so easy for me to do.

We often move so quickly onto the next thing we forget to take stock and thank people for their efforts.

Another easy one - anytime I see someone wearing something I think is beautiful I stop and tell them. I've never been rebuffed about this - even from strangers!

Give positive reviews.

This very nicely leads from the previous area of enquiry. Working in the engagement space, I know that eliciting positive support for a proposal is so much harder than gathering negative sentiment - why would this be? Because people want to tell you what's wrong, and if there is a personal implication of course they will make an effort to tell you what needs to be done differently. Positive support is harder to come by because people intuitively feel less intimidated by the proposal and because of this there is often less of a personal fire to tell someone what they think.

Think about it - when was the last time you gave someone, or something, a good review? And when was the last time you complained about someone or something (constituting a bad review).

Now I'm not saying we need to go showering the world with positive reviews but perhaps thinking once a week about your experiences and reflecting back at least one good one brings a little more positivity into the world. For me, I take this practice quite seriously because of two reasons. The first is my genuine belief in karma and not wanting to disrupt it and the second is the proven science that the more you act (attitude) like the people you complain about (sharing gossip, complaining about a colleague), the more the people you are complaining to associate this behaviour with you. Now that is something that no one needs in their life.

And on to December…

Light-heartedness in Buddhism is seen as “a state of mind and being that combines the elements of serious mindedness and deep caring with a sense of lightness and fun. It avoids the extremes of either being over serious and heavy in our approach or resorting to purely superficial fun as an “escape” from the pressures of our life.” This is a quote from Tony Ouvr, Meditation Expert, and what I like about it is that light-heartedness is not just one thing, it's many, and it's a discipline, so therefore something that we can better cultivate given time and practice.

November being the last subject driven month this year gives me the opportunity to bring all the areas I've explored into practice this month which I'm excited to do. I'm going to turn the 'silly' season into the 'thoughtful' season.?