November 2024 Issue - The Coaching Habit : Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever By Michael Bungay Stanier

A Book Review by Latha Emmatty Gupta

This month, I share a book I recently read for the third time, which has sold over a million copies worldwide. It is pithy, practical, and humorous. This book helps navigate conversations that you encounter in a variety of settings as leaders, colleagues, coaches, parents, or in other community roles.

The Coaching Habit, as the name suggests, is about how you can build a habit of coaching and help the people you work with be more active in finding solutions for themselves. The objective is to make people self-sufficient, leverage their attention and energy for maximum impact, and make work meaningful.

Michael Bungay Stanier, aka MBS, is a celebrated coach, author, and speaker on leadership. He is the founder of Box of Crayons, a learning and development company based out of Toronto. Some of his other popular books include The Advice Trap and How to Begin. He is a Rhodes scholar who also designed stuffed pizza crusts for Pizza Hut and, by his own admission, created “one of the worst single-malt whiskies in existence.” His ability to creatively design unconventional learning experiences and share them with generosity is one aspect that attracted me to his work.

Mirroring the flow of coaching conversations, the book is structured around seven powerful questions. The first and last questions serve as bookends, creating a neat and holistic structure. At the outset is a chapter on ‘How to build a habit.’ This chapter helps identify habits that need to change. MBS presents research on habits, including a study from Duke University that indicates nearly 45% of our behaviors during waking hours are habitual in nature. To establish new habits, MBS recommends incorporating five key elements: 'a reason to change, a trigger, an easy-to-start micro habit, effective practice, and a plan.' He then explains each of these five components in practical ways. He further elaborates on each component by highlighting the common resistances to change and providing strategies to overcome them.

One of the concepts from the book that I found to have wide applications is that of the TERA quotient. TERA is an acronym for four primary drivers that influence how the brain reads a situation. The focus lies on enhancing your influence and fostering rapport, which can lead to increased engagement in your interactions by raising your TERA quotient.

T – Tribe: Is about evaluating whether you are with me or against me. Do we belong to the same tribe and share underlying similarities? It could be about identity, emotional connections, or psychological safety experienced in hanging out together.

E. Expectation: It is about the need to know what to expect. The brain is looking for predictability in new situations.If you can give me a sense of what will happen, my brain will feel more in control and less threatened.

R-Rank: It is not just positions and titles that can create power distance. Feeling a difference in status could undermine the sense of security and break rapport. When differences are set aside and humility of human connection is embraced, rank is pacified.

A - Autonomy: This aspect pertains to the liberty to express oneself and make decisions without any limitations. When we experience the absence of autonomy, it feels more dictatorial. Autonomy unlocks a sense of agency and motivation and helps overcome resistances and apprehensions.

One of the ways to increase TERA quotient is to ask a question. TERA also prevents you from dishing out unsolicited advice and opinions, which can be a pattern to break. The neuroscience of engagement validates TERA as ?a helpful framework.

In conclusion, it is a book to have in your collection and reread. It is a reminder to break old patterns of behavior. MKS also shares several frameworks and research findings that enhance your comprehension of concepts. Each chapter includes reflective prompts to examine some of your habitual behaviors. There are also related resource video links at the end of each chapter that provide relevant resource material. I am sharing one of these videos here for you to experience how MKS approaches the subject with elegance and ease.

https://youtu.be/AOqoNKJ9_lI?si=skqQajOV0tvQ1v3e

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‘ Without a good question, a good answer has no place to go.’ – Clayton Christensen.

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Latha Emmatty Gupta is a leadership educator and a seasoned executive and team coach. She is the founder of OD Mantra, a boutique Organizational Development firm that works with clients on a variety of consulting and development interventions. Her work is about honing the human dimensions of leadership. She publishes a monthly book review in her newsletter titled ‘Leadership Style and Substance’ which has over 1350 subscribers.

Contact her at : [email protected]

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