November, 2015. Changing in to an attitude of gratitude.

The years seem to pass more quickly than ever for me. The other day, I awakened to realize that once again, the holiday season is upon us.

The holidays are many things to many people, spanning from the good to the wretched. For those in my business, the holidays are often a time of what I like to call “3 a.m. thoughts” of unforgiving deadlines and stomach-churning thoughts of things forgotten. Oftentimes, these thoughts and deadlines collide with fractured schedules, off days, holiday parties, twisted traffic, and other hallmarks of the season. The seeming intractableness of everything colliding at once sometimes leads to thoughts of frustration and cynicism and the impossibility of trying to please everyone. But I realized the other day that the more frustrated I was becoming with the year-end patter, the less appreciative I became for all of the good things and blessings bestowed upon me, and the less aware I was becoming of those around me who were in need, and suffering pain.

I considered my own life, and where I might have ended up if someone along the way had not helped me, or set me in the right direction in my time of need. For all of us, we have seen many changes around us that were unimaginable several years ago. But, I am here. And if I am in fact here, who, is better than me? (Or you, for that matter?)

I then began to reflect on the year about to pass, which was full of changes in many ways. To me, a notable highlight was when my long-time assistant Mary Ann Robinson approached me one morning in the Spring asking for help with her church’s request to help a poor man settle some awful tax messes that were engendered due to brutal physical and mental injury. She asked me if I knew of any agency that could help him, as there were no resources whatsoever that the church could find. I told her I would check.

So I spoke with many and learned a lot, (and little of it good). I found that volunteer Tax Assistance (VITA) funding is only available for return preparation. All of the local law school clinics turned down the project, as one even went as far as to say they only are interested in “sexy” news-grabbing matters, (which this matter clearly was not). Every local social service agency this poor man dealt with was seemingly useless and clueless, (if not hopeless and feckless). 

Sadly, I was just spinning my wheels. I now realized that I had to bite the bullet and call this poor man (whom I will name “Bill”), and tell him the bad news.

So I did, and I stated my conclusions. There was silence on the other end of the phone, followed by a request: “Tony, could you help me?”

Now, it was my turn to be silent. I considered my little firm’s cash needs and available capacities. We’re not a big shop. We don’t have a “poor box”. We don’t have a pro-bono budget. We were just settling after an office move and system conversion, which was a major and expensive thing for us. How on earth, I reasoned could we possibly do this? It would be a very easy thing to say no.

But yet, a raging anger was building inside of me thinking of this little journey and its road signs along the way: A phalanx of useless bureaucrats and social service agencies. Misguided federal dollars churning out repeatedly incorrect tax products using untrained volunteers. Law clinics not providing good quality reality-based work for their students. A whole system out there in a seeming facade to help the poor (and here, I had one poor guy that was begging for help from this masquerade party where no one would even bother to remove their mask even ONCE in order to look at him).

“I’ll do it” (I told Bill, after swallowing hard), and I started that week to go about the task.

As I dug into this matter, I found out (inter-alia) that Bill had been badly shortchanged by one of those “five o’clock news law firms" receiving a pittance- like settlement of his debilitating personal injury, leaving him no resources to settle his legal and medical matters despite his pleas to his lawyer for the same. I also found that his state-assigned social worker did not even know where Bill was even living. I spoke to several people at a local social service agency responsible for the case who told me that they felt my pain, (to which I replied, “what about BILL’S pain?”)

Believe me; everyone involved with Bill caught it from me that day, as my mother’s two favorite sayings (being “shame on you” and “a poor excuse is better than none”) received plenty of airplay and refrain. However, in helping Bill, I began to realize joy that I had not felt in a long time. I forgot my own struggles. I realized my own blessings. I was helping someone who badly needed it. I was addressing a need that society had forgotten about. (And an unintended glance of my reflection on the window glass threw a smile back to me).

My wife Kathy even noticed it after picking her up after work and driving out of the morass of Hartford, CT.  When we got to the HOV lane, she noticed something way different from me than the usual, and remarked that “I have never seen you so happy in talking about your day. You are glowing!” “I AM happy”. I told her. “I helped someone who needed it, and I held people accountable who absolutely deserved it in the process. You know, I felt like I really meant something to someone today.” (And let the record reflect that some of my comments to Kathy that day have been edited for you, the polite reader). 

As the ride continued, I then was called to remembrance and spoke of all of the good people who used their nickel that allowed me to help those needing it in years gone by; John Dadakis for one, who advocated our mega-firm to allow resources to me in order to help a poor Bronx elderly charity drive off a six-figure tax assessment and stay in operation, Newt Schenck for another, who allowed me to help a plethora of little a arts charities in New Haven, and a four-star shout out goes to Cheever Tyler, (and there are too many things that I helped Cheever with through the years to mention here). Now it was my own nickel being spent in helping, and I could not recall a time that I felt better about that.

Over the next week, we worked to make Bill’s life better, as well as we could. My staff caught the fever, and threw themselves into this project as well. Bill was more than pleased, but I was the one who benefited. And to myself, I reasoned that would it not be a much better world if each of us in any trade or profession took just several hours per year in order to help someone who otherwise has no other avenue for such help?

I then thought back to the whole Holiday year end cha-cha. I can complain as much as I want (and I often do). But how many people would love to be in my shoes. (Or yours?) How much do any one of us have that cannot be purchased for any amount of money? Isn’t it time we stopped thinking so much about ourselves all of the time, and looked upon the things of others every once in a while?

With that in mind, I challenge all of us to consider two things this Thanksgiving season. The first is to be thankful for our own blessings and gifts, and the second is to pledge to take several hours off of our clock each year and share our blessings and skills in order to help someone who can only pay you back with thanks and appreciation.

I assure you that the second point of consideration will provide you with satisfaction that cannot be purchased with monetary means

Happy Thanksgiving, Everyone.

Tony