Novak’s Roars Set Epic Iceberg Adrift, Rattle Silicon Valley Amid Amazon Strike

SAN FRANCISCO — The tectonic shockwaves from tennis phenom Novak Djokovic’s epic Davis Cup comeback registered on seismic monitors worldwide, scientists say, inadvertently setting the world’s largest iceberg on a collision course with Silicon Valley just as thousands of Amazon warehouse workers walked off the job nationwide on Black Friday.

Djokovic was two sets down before rallying for an exhilarating five-set win over Britain’s Norres yesterday. Geologists say his guttural victory roars sent piercing vibrations through the earth’s crust, disturbing the underwater balance of the colossal A68a iceberg near South Georgia Island in the southern Atlantic Ocean. The trillion-ton glacial mass is now bearing down on the California coastline.

“That iceberg is one Djokovic fist pump from crashing the tech party,” said Dr. Howie Felterbush, a seismologist at Cal Tech.

The impending frozen impact has ratcheted up anxiety in Silicon Valley over the Amazon worker strike scheduled to severely disrupt online holiday sales.

“That iceberg is set to barrel straight through our Fulfillment Center just as employees walk out,” lamented Brad Porterhouse, Amazon VP of Operations.

The impending arrival of the Delaware-sized frozen island has particularly rattled OpenAI CEO Sam Altman. With the A68a iceberg likely headed for OpenAI’s San Francisco headquarters as Amazon workers strike at nearby warehouses, Altman hastily resigned, effective immediately.

“I did not sign up to lead AGI research in an arctic workspace adjacent to a raucous labor strike,” Altman told Wired.

As for Djokovic, he apologized for awakening the “Sleeping Giant ice cube” with his triumphant roars against Norres. “But Norres should know better than to take me to five sets with history on the line.”