“Nothing is more permanent than you make it”

“Nothing is more permanent than you make it.”

As I thought about this during one of the Courageous Conversation meetups, I immediately thought of my relationship with “time.”

The thought of, “that lasted a long time,” from a younger version of me creeped into my mind.

I was in middle school, rushing back home, hoping to get there before my parents did.

[Spoiler alert, this happened multiple times]

All I could think about was, “I hope it’s there.”

Multiple times a year report cards were mailed directly to our homes, my friends at school talked about the day report cards would come in the mail and the trouble that was waiting for them once they got home.

I was scared even though my parents NEVER raised their hand on me.

I was scared because I didn’t want to disappoint them.

Reports cards, pieces of paper that showed our performance at school.

Grades, number of absences, comments about our behavior.

“Comments”, the only section that concerned me, every time.

“Talkative,” or “disruptive” filled some of those boxes on my report card. 

As I rushed home, to get the letter out of the mailbox addressed to, “Parents of Oleg Michael Lougheed,” I felt relieved, until I walked into the house.

My mom sat in the armchair in the family room.

“Hi, Mom.”

“Hi son!”

I made my way upstairs, to hide the report card, in my treasure chest, full of all of the other ones.

“Oleg, we need to talk,” my mom said.

“Busted,” all I could think of.

As I sat down, in front of her, I noticed she was holding a crumpled up report card, one I hid in the treasure chest.

“What’s going on? Why are you hiding these from us?” she asked.

One question after another.

Concluding with the final lesson: do NOT open mail that’s addressed to someone else.

The conversation took minutes, but felt like years.

Maybe it did take years because I held onto those awful embarrassing feelings and carried them with me for years, in my head.

Once again, “Nothing is more permanent than you make it.”

It wasn’t until recently that I came to this realization.

I had been holding onto these feelings about the report card for least 10 years from the time the event took place.

You might be wondering, “Why did it take so long to come to terms with this? Why didn’t you move on faster?”

Trust me, I’ve asked myself those questions over and over again and here’s what I have learned. I only know what I know at any given time. If I knew better, I would have done better.

To me, it doesn’t matter how long it takes me reach a certain perspective, what’s more important is that eventually I get there.

I have a choice in how long a perceived experience lives with me or the story I created about it. 

I have a choice in the type of experience I want to have with that event.

The time of report cards was not any different.

I chose to look at the report card situation and learn from it.

“What can I learn from that time of my life? How can I apply those lessons moving forward?”

Oleg Lougheed is the host of the Overcoming Odds Podcast, where you get a glimpse into the stories of individuals who have overcome adversity, suffering, and struggle in achieving their personal success.