Nothing Happens for a Reason

Hi LinkedIn Friend,

This past week was been full of variety. I spent the day with my daughter in St. Louis. We had a great day and also some significant conversations. On Monday I had a three hour deep-dive with my business coach, Mark Leblanc. I am looking for ways to disrupt Hawks Agency and he provided numerous insights. I'm grateful.

We had our Culture Shot mid-week. I love those! My friends Shasta and Becky joined us and provided really thoughtful perspectives around trust. As always, Monica killed it as well. My wife and I had our first meeting with the "marriage small group" we joined at church. It's always interesting meeting new people, especially as a newly married couple.

That's the wonder of life. These other couples we spent two hours with have no idea about our history, our previous lives or our families. They just meet Greg & Michelle Hawks and take us at face value. We do the same with them. We were definitely the newest married couple there. It's fun to get to know people outside of a professional context and jump right into meaningful conversations.

This first gathering was a get-to-know-you kind of discussion. I found myself candidly talking about regrets. Someone else had made the comment about not having any and how they wouldn't go back and change anything in their life, because they wouldn't be who they are now. I appreciate that sentiment. However, it's too narrowly focused for me.

RIPPLE EFFECTS

I said I definitely have regrets and if I could go back and change decisions I've made I would. Just coming off of a difficult discussion with my daughter, I was very mindful that I've caused pain to people I love dearly. I wish that wasn't the case. I don't dwell on it. It doesn't haunt me. But it is true. There are ripple effects of it today, that are still very much a part of my life.

When I was younger, I used to think living with no regrets was an honorable mantra. Now, it seems small and self-absorbed. We can acknowledge regrets and not be defined by them. We can recognize our failings and not incorporate them as part of our identity. We don't have to deny the impact of our poor choices, but we also don't have to carry the emotional baggage.

NOTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON

The sentiment the gentlemen communicated about "I wouldn't be who I am today" is common. Though, it's a bluff of the brain. I'm confident I would be a better man had I not made the decisions throughout my life that I regret. I'm grateful for who I am today. I like who I am. Undoubtedly, I would have learned other lessons and liked who I was, possibly even more, without my regretful choices.

It's like the saying "Everything happens for a reason." It's a cheap parlor trick to minimize regret. What if literally, NOTHING happens for a reason? What if every single thing that occurs in life is because of someone's decision - yours and mine - and then we get to navigate through the consequences of it. Period. We add weight and meaning to both the choice and response; as do others.

Boy, that's at the heart of regret, isn't it? We can be thoroughly disappointed in ourselves but then when someone we love also expresses disappointment. Dang, that hurts.

Instigating Ideas...

1. Join some sort of group that offers meaningful dialogue.

2. Share with someone something you regret.

3. Consider how you designate meaning.

I oppose any concept that relieves you and me of owning the responsibility of our choices. Heck, I oppose the phrase "you make me so ___________." Anytime we turn over our own agency to someone or something else, we become less.

ASSIGN MATTER

I'm fascinated with the word "matter". It's literally what everything is made of, and it embodies the clout we assign to every action and reaction. When something "matters" to us, we're deeply invested. When that same thing doesn't matter to someone else, we question their values.

Because most things are subjective, our scale of matter varies from person-to-person. This is evident in both our personal relationships and business ventures. When considering the future of Hawks Agency, the conversation with Mark included questions like "Does this matter?" and "Why does this matter?" and "What matters most?"

Regret appears when we violate what matters most.

I hope this week you don't shy away from regrets and also make decisions that don't create them. Reconsider the weight you're assigning to things. Maybe it doesn't matter as much as you think it does.

If you enjoyed this instigator letter and would like to get these kind provoking thoughts and ideas to your inbox every Sunday morning, just let me know here, https://hawksagency.com/greghawks/ scroll to the bottom of my page and fill in "SIGN-UP FOR THE WEEKLY INSTIGATOR!"

Have a wonderful instigating momentum boosting week!!!