Notes to my 22-Year-Old Self

In June, both of my children, Maggie and Patrick, graduated from college. As a parent, watching your children embark on the next chapter of life is so fulfilling. It has also forced me to reflect on the stages of my own journey, particularly reminding me of when I was their age. There are so many things I wish I could’ve told myself at 22 that are quite clear from where I stand now.

Embrace the uncomfortable

My 20s were filled with me over-complicating things by trying to avoid discomfort. I think part of that stems from the fact that, at that age, it’s hard to not compare yourself to everyone around you. I was easily caught up in the idea that my life didn’t look like the people around me, which of course, in the end, is what led me on my own path to success. It was through uncomfortable situations and feelings that I was able to grow.?

?Become skilled at receiving feedback

I wish I knew back then that feedback isn’t the enemy. I could’ve saved myself a lot of trouble if I had learned to develop this skill earlier on. It’s important to take the feedback for what it is, instead of giving in to a knee-jerk reaction and defending myself. From my personal and professional experience, it’s always better to know feedback than to not -- because it’s there, whether you are aware or not. I’ve learned that I have the power to decide what to do with it.

Learn how to give feedback?

Developing this skill took a lot of trial and error on my part. Looking back, I’ve realized that honest, thoughtful feedback is never anchored in “proving a point.” Instead, it comes from recognizing looking objectively at facts, including someone’s starting point. Everyone has a different starting line and runs at their own pace. I’ve learned my feedback is received better when it takes that into account.???

Forget avoiding failure; resilience is the goal

I cannot count the number of times in my 20s that I stressed myself out over the possibility of failure. There were times I induced migraines and panic attacks. It’s sad to think of the experiences I may have missed because of it. But it’s more clear to me than ever, and I’ve tried to make it clear to my children that failure will happen. In fact, it will happen often. I would tell my 22-year-old self to take a breath, and then get up and move forward. Because it’s all about how you get up and try again -- that’s where the magic happens.?

Try to appreciate the good

The corollary to this point is also to try to really “feel” and appreciate what is good. It could be you really believe in the mission of your company or maybe you have a great friend at work. Pulling these thoughts forward can also help move one forward from disappointment or failure.?

Life isn’t linear?

Despite my best efforts, my life did not follow a straight line. There were twists and turns. Sometimes, I had to go backward to go forward. I made mistakes and had to own up to them. But I see now that I grew to be the person I am because of this.

My 20s were a time of exploration, joy, failure, and growth. Now, as my children embark on their own journeys, I’m grateful that I am able to sit back and reflect on all I’ve learned and where it has brought me. Of course, I couldn’t have known this all at 22…and learning as we go is just part of life, at 22 and also decades later. But maybe some of these nuggets give someone early in their career some comfort that they aren’t completely doomed!