Notes from “The Good Fight” by Liane Davey
Dr. Tongjie "TJ" Zhang PhD, CISSP, ISSAP, CISM, GICSP, CEH, CTAJ, ICD.D
![Dr. Tongjie "TJ" Zhang PhD, CISSP, ISSAP, CISM, GICSP, CEH, CTAJ, ICD.D]()
Dr. Tongjie "TJ" Zhang PhD, CISSP, ISSAP, CISM, GICSP, CEH, CTAJ, ICD.D
Cybersecurity Leader ? Board Member ? Community Volunteer
- Organizations require conflict to operate. From developing a strategy plan to doling out a constructive feedback, being part of an organization means you will need to work through uncomfortable situations.
- Conflict debt builds up when you avoid the discussions and decisions that are required. It can result when you sidestep contentious issues, shut out opposing voices, or keep conversations safely above the real problems.
- With conflict debt, the principal costs are compounded by the interest that accumulates in the form of frustration, disengagement, and eroded trust.
- Conflict debt is costly to organizations. The unwillingness to work through organizational conflicts prevents effective prioritization, creates innovation silos, and allows risks to go unnoticed.
- Avoiding interpersonal conflicts hampers teamwork. Managers who fail to deal with team members who have insufficient skills or destructive behaviors set up a conflict debt that affects every member of the team.
- Conflict debt is deeply personal, too. When you fail to advocate for a manageable workload, an investment in your career development, or even basic working conditions that suit you, you allow work to become a significant source of stress.
- Conflict aversion is a general unease with the thought of getting into a disagreement. It starts when you’re young and can stay with you for your whole life.
- As humans, we’re wired to dislike conflict, having evolved to get along with others as a means of staying safe.
- As children, we were encouraged by influential adults to avoid conflict because being disagreeable was considered bad manners.
- In the workforce, we are encouraged to go along to get along. Those who violate this norm are often given critical feedback and labeled as poor team players.
- Conflict is a natural part of healthy relationships and a critical defense against unhealthy ones.
- While conflict aversion is normal, it’s important that it not turn into conflict avoidance. Disliking conflict will not hurt us, but disavowing it will.
- Overcoming conflict avoidance requires a new mindset. We need to tune out the naysayers and focus on the positive outcomes that we’ll achieve when we work through our conflicts.
- Although delivering difficult messages might not feel nice in the moment, in the long run, telling someone what they need to hear is often the kindest thing we can do.
- Rather than remaining a bystander to conflict, weigh in to help those in the thick of the argument solve their problem more objectively.
- Don’t fear emotion; think of it as a valuable clue that something important is wrong. Calmly and kindly draw out the person to help rectify the underlying issues.
- Disagree with your boss when adding a different view will contribute to a better decision. Speak deliberately and respectfully, and leave a way to backtrack if necessary.
- Conflicts often arise because we act without a clear understanding of what’s expected of us.
- It’s important to establish a line of communication and to build trust (with your boss, your teammates, and your colleagues in other departments) before there is an issue to address.
- To build trust, create a connection that allows your colleagues to understand you as a person. The more predictable they find your behavior, the more they will trust you.
- Earn credibility even before you have a track record by asking good questions and demonstrating how you will tackle your work.
- Demonstrate reliability and show your colleagues that you will prioritize their needs.
- Ooze integrity by being transparent, especially if you are struggling.
- Actively strengthen your trust in your colleagues by behaving as though you trust them, even before you do.
- Making the effort to create a strong connection with a person will allow you to problem-solve as allies rather than fight as adversaries.
- When a discussion gets heated, the facts and information presented provide excellent clues about what is important to the players. Pay attention to what is (and isn’t) said to zero in what’s at stake.
- Explore the feelings and emotions the person is signaling with their language and their body language. Where emotions are present, it’s likely that there are more substantive issues you haven’t yet exposed.
- Use questions and observations to uncover the values and beliefs that underlie their position. It’s the values and beliefs that will unlock the solution to the conflict.
- Regardless of whether or not you agree with the person, validate what they are saying to ensure they feel heard and understood.
- Use everything at your disposal to strengthen the connection you have with the other person, including your physical situation, your language and tone, and your body language.
- Once you’ve established a line of communication and created a strong connection, you’re in a good position to contribute to a solution.
- Use the Two Truth (first, validate your college’s perspective by repeating it, second, frame your perspective as a truth as write it alongside truth #1) strategy to validate the other person’s priority while adding your own. Once you have documented both truths, work toward a solution that solves for both.
- Use the Root Cause approach to demonstrate alignment on the problem when you want to offer alternate solutions.
- Rather than contradicting or criticizing a flawed solution, use the Impact technique to expose the risks of a plan and then redirect the person toward a feasible solution.
- Use the Hypothetical technique to overcome resistance by asking the person to imagine the benefits of a plan before solving for the obstacles.
- When you have multiple stakeholders with competing interests, use the Common Criteria approach to get everyone aligned on what a good solution would look like.
- When all else fails, Own the Misunderstanding and use enough clarifying questions to figure out which approach would help you resolve the issue.
- Failing to set clear expectations will lead to subpar work and inefficient rework, which creates frustration and conflict for all involved.
- The U tool (https://www.lianedavey.com/goodfight-resources/) helps you neutralize conflict by articulating what’s expected of different levels in your department and when that value needs to be added.
- The U will help you get the value you need from your boss, while heading off unpleasant micromanagement and deep dives.
- Your team will have greater focus on your unique value and the activities that are most valuable for your business.
- Working through the U with your direct reports will allow you to raise the bar, while setting the expectation that you will challenge, critique, and improve your team’s work, even when they do a great job.
- Tensions are a natural part of cross-functional teams, but many people misinterpret tension as a contrary to teamwork. Failing to recognize the value of different and even opposing perspectives and priorities on a team can set up unproductive conflict.
- The Tarp tool (https://www.lianedavey.com/goodfight-resources/) helps you normalize productive conflict by articulating what’s expected of different roles and how those roles will often be in tension with one another.
- Use the Tarp to coach team members who are under- or over- contributing.
- Address the imbalance caused by having a mix of multi-incumbent and single-incumbent roles on your team.
- Discuss the implications of making trade-offs between team members to reduce the friction caused by win/lose scenarios.
- Make use of the Tarp in goal setting to proactively manage the interdependencies on your team.
- The best way to keep conflict productive is to make small, frequent disagreements part of your daily habits. Begin to sprinkle a little conflict to help your teammates develop a taste for it.
- Invest time up front in clarifying expectations whenever you face a new task, a new project, or a new role.
- Make dissent more normal by adding tension to even the most routine conversations.
- Get more skilled at delivering feedback to help your colleagues understand the unintended impact of their behavior.
- Use appropriate humor and code words to keep difficult discussions light and to avoid triggering defensiveness.
- Set clear expectations for how meetings will support productive conflict, and use the start and the close of your meetings to reinforce those expectations.